The Beauty of the Beasts II

Previous- The Beauty of the Beasts

I had assumed that the 2nd post maybe the concluding part. You guessed it right- that’s not happening; not in this post atleast.

The route that I take to reach my work destination in Punjabi Bagh, I happen to pass through the airport. No sooner I cross 15 kms, I run parallel with the runway- watching the big birds take off or a few of those landing leaving a streak of smoke on touching the ground. A few more kilometres ahead, I see the big cockpits staring at me through their nose. Only that this time around I feel they are calling me! Since years I have kept scared watching its image in print or even one on my computer, what to talk of watching real one?

I have dreaded walking into one looking at it with my eyes. I don’t feel so anymore or so I think. The other day I took a de- tour through the airport. People ready to check- in were stood in queue outside the airport lobby, so were the planes in the open ground- or that’s what it seemed. It’s been a few days already and I am unable to think of anything else. I did the same thing today and I could hear the lobby welcome me.

Is a travel due? I couldn’t have asked for more.

I so wish to board one now and an international one at that, whereby 4 of those engines maybe giving me angry looks and I be winking back at those!

AMEN!!

A new Beginning!

I was sat sulking and had even actually cried hoarse about being stuck in this present setup (read: helplessness). It was as though the divine patting my back to stop, I had stepped out to the living room. Pulling out my office diary, I re-discovered that leaf.

The 1^st one was not a leaf but was hard cash; most of which I had already taken before in advance. For many years to come thereon; I had used those only to cater to my basic needs. I have lived a very long period of time where food, shelter and clothing was only luxury.

It won’t be out of place if I say I received my 1^st pay check ever today.

• As a writer
• After resurrecting myself back
• I am going to spend it on other than meeting my ends alone.

It’s one experience that would always stand out whenever I look back and think of my bigger achievements.

While at work today, Sareeta had asked me to write those checks to be given away to me and other writers. For a surprising and shocking change, her saying so only brought back a fond memory of how I had performed on School’s Annual Day function when still in Nursery. I had topped all sections and had bagged separate re- cognition for Painting/Drawing. I had performed on stage inaugurating the awards ceremony and then had run to quickly change to my school uniform to collect my Award- s. This was almost as if a mini- celebrity was living her life in her own sphere of Royalty.

Today, writing the check for self and then letting Sareeta give that away to me made me go all the way back in time to when I was 4! The transition that I am surviving now has stark resemblances with what had happened 17 years back. That’s when I was thrown out of my home! But whatever happened today; made me go back another over a decade and smile. Big! How I had felt collecting those awards after opening the function in presence of the school teachers, students and their parents; I had almost reconciled with the thought that that would only remain in my memory to be cherished forever! That nothing ever would ever come close to that thrill.

That today, I lived a day, very similar to what had happened years back and a day that remains to be the 1^st endeavor ever of my achievements; makes me believe that there is more to come! I am starting all over again. Sareeta remains to be my idol for over past 2 decades. I am blessed to begin my new life the way it has already..

No wonder today I had worn a top that my mom had bought 16 years back.

Sareeta didi, I will stay indebted forever!

Calling for a surprise!

I have no idea how this years would be!

My birthdays usually have not been the very best days of the year. For as far as I remember, I have been planning the day on my own. Being surprised has never happened so far; at least not on that day. Whether it’s running all the way from Patpar Ganj to Rohini, or taking a day off from work; I haven’t been able to really freak out on my birthday! Yes, my friends and colleagues have made it special for me but I am yet to fall back in surprise. Usually I sit up all by self, completely alone at my house.

30^th July, 2011

After getting one of my wisdom teeth extracted the previous evening, I was trying to take it easy. I was sat watching Spiderman II on TV. Well, as it is with me, memories came flying by stopping at nothing driving me at a very unstable state of mind. It took me to the time when I worked with Convergys. We had gone out for a team outing to DT Mega Mall after our shift. That was when I had watched the movie and I being I, had cried at the last scene. The entire team had sat laughing at me. I mean what was there anyways to cry upon? The bad guy was taken care of by himself, spidey had managed to save MJ and she had come aware of her boyfriend’s identity!

I had felt that pain in me of loving someone and not having him to self. How things are at my end, there is absolutely no room for any baseless Love anyway. Then again, I have a knack of recreating pain in the manner most unthinkable of. The pangs could be felt deep inside your conscience exactly how it was the time it had happened to me while surviving it. What I am saying here is; I have not experienced any fruitful relationship with a man till now. It’s either of the one. The relationships are more out of convenience where not only it becomes highly inconvenient but it also ceases to be one.

I strongly believe in we are what we see. I have always loved watching the serious melodramatic ones where the loved ones never get to get together, the movies those are embedded with deep human psychological emotions. No wonder my relationships are a reflection of the same. That the love was lost somewhere there, is a different thing altogether! Watching the same movie after 7 years made me highly disturbed. It made me think of all the Love lost and bittersweet birthday memories.

I am awaiting this year’s birthday now; although not in anticipation or maybe in.

Love? Most definitely- Yes!

Just reached home all chocked up with emotions.

The memories of how it was, had kept coming back to me. It was difficult for me to rationalize what hurt more - then or today? I guess, you would know the answer to it by the end of it. I feel I am hit by one of the thunders my vehicle had sped through to reach you. Although very different than that one; yet, the whole thing had kept reminding me of how I had ran (quite literally) to meet someone years back. Not mentioning anything beyond that since it’s not about him this time.

Not anymore.

I feel I now know why things you did or say were so typically similar to what had happened over 2 decades ago. I had missed the point that it was about time to look forward and burn those memories down. I will; or maybe, already have. A few beautiful memories those were attached to someone not so nice, you made me forget like those were never made. Now when I try to think of those, there’s no sense of nostalgia in my thoughts anymore! If at all, I get fast forwarded to present time where you just created some new chapters for me. Letting me wear your watch, the ball point; wait, how did you know it was his fave color once upon a time? It is one of mine now besides mauve! That’s how I accept people, right into my lifestyle; deeply embedded.

You did it all.

The one thing that had made me go brood over was when you said the very things I did to him; while quite begging him to stay with me in the process. The other day when you had touched after bending, threatening me to “return”, you had left me stoned. I know it was more out of naughty humor, what I love the most about you; it had taken me back to a time I haven’t shared about with anyone yet! I had touched him one last time that being the only time ever. When you did the same very thing, once and for all, my feelings for him that I had stored in me for the last over 20 years had come crashing down. Quite unknowingly you had barged inside my sphere and claimed a place I had kept locked up for all this while. Your naughty acts had quite gelled with that of mine, kind of threatening my façade of composure or maybe my mastery over those (acts of mischief).

It’s in your mind too.

Your thoughts about a few things are exactly how I feel for those too; about adopting kids who lost their parents and how to go about life after making it big. Whatever you said the other day was exactly how I say- word by word- In verbatim! You wanting to practice instead of preaching alone said it all.

Uncanny is the word.

Where do I even begin? The meaning of your name.. Why, I am not surprised. I would’ve been damned if it meant something else! Wait a sec, your birthday falls exactly on the date I mused my beau to be celebrating his birthday on. Go ahead; dismiss it as a silly one. But I could do with yet another set of pincers actually.. clank! Ouchhh.. easy!! Your thoughtfulness of carrying extra portion for me- without my telling you to, you are way too good to be left. So you are caring, observant and definitely not forgetful. Hope you remember our dates for all times to come. What I am saying is, you tip toed into my space and bang opened me up to how I used to be- completely undeterred.

It’s only a matter of time!

That the transition is now giving way to a different beginning is one another thing. My having being able to step out of my “captivity” (read: ridiculous arrangement) has definitely done good to my confidence. Then again, it wouldn’t have been half as easy without you. You happened exactly at the time I needed this. Your acts of consideration has opened me up like a blossom. It was but natural to fall for you. The mutual admiration or space we try to offer is how I have been till now; which has been brutally abused. I am stuck up in some arrangement but that’s all it is to it now. I anyways need to come out of that, this was all the last transition phase was about.

Tearing away..

For once, I did whatever I did for self in a very long time. While travelling back to home, I had barely been able to relax. My walkman headphones sat there for no good reason. After many years, I cried for something of my own; or may I say, someone? Till now, it was out of helplessness. If this evening had not happened, I would have never realized that I am back on taking decisions of my own! And, that it’s no more a confusion of, “how to say it all and make him understand!” stuff. Then again, I have not come across anyone this understanding. In a long time this evening, I had not felt helpless anymore. Although all the possible roadblocks are quite showing; I feel, together, we can do it. It would be safe to say; I feel more in control when with you. It seems you would fly me along and well.

You still want a reason to why I feel for you?

The dreams and aspirations you have is quite same as that of mine. I’ve been chomped upon my roots way too many times; that’s precisely why I am going a bit easy this time. Had I been how I used to be, I would have ended up starting my life from scratch one again, turning even more bitter. The passion, expertise, forte- you know how well we complement each other. It was you who made me see it actually. I have that someone in you, who is wanting to take me exactly how I want someone to! What more could I ask for?

The conclusion is not what I am seeking- but the travel!

I guess that is why I am leading my life in phases, none of the setbacks ever as being the concluding chapter. Why do we have ellipses then? Series, sequels, remakes..? To stop and get stagnated is not my way of life. Look at life, in itself, it keeps going on! When you talked about your “business proposal”, that is exactly what I heard- a life moving on in a definite motion instead of concluding it with or without a label. A few months or a few years, is a small period when we are talking of our life- time. We have bigger issues to deal with! And how are you supposed to know anyway if you don’t give it a try or believe in yourself? I know you do- that is where I am surprised. How could someone like you be not seeing it? Like I said, more than the presence, it’s the assurance that would keep it going. Once into it, wouldn’t you also be holding onto the same? So, why “acting” considerate towards me?

Woah..!

There was a certain amount of relief in crying today. For about half, I had sat dead on my bed hugging myself. My body down my neck had gone wet by the time I had realized I need to stop. It rained this evening to maybe keep my tears hidden or was it crying along with me? I had barely finished writing it when you sent me that text saying exactly how I say to my blog friends!

For now, you just did it!

I had raced up to save a very beautiful part of my life. I have spent a major part of it already musing with memories alone; here is the opportunity where I can just live the way I have been secretly wishing for! I hate the weather here- don’t you know that? C’mon now, I just said I have a selfish reason.. okay, I can’t stand canines and dust and am a cleanliness freak and cynical too (could I divert your attention?) btw, I wore the same fragrance that I had back then.. coincidence? again? don’t think so!

Alright, I am sentimental

YOU are the reason sweetheart! You replied without I asking for it. I was so hesitant talking about it, probably would have never ever made a mention! I mean how many times will you make me fall for you now? Let’s just say- you gave me enough reasons. Please do let me know if you still need any assurances (promises). If you haven’t realized yet, I just declared my love for you. Even if you don’t, I will always do! If it isn’t apparent, I have wiped off my mirror squeaky clean, do I see your reflection there now?

P.S. The chauffeur was spared.

Catching Up!

It’s been a while since I posted on this one.

A lot of things are going on simultaneously at present keeping me occupied for good. For a change, it’s not an excuse. I have not been missing from my blog this long before; hoping sincerely this to be the last of those vanishing acts.

New! New! New!

Of course I took time to adjust with the new cropping up situations. Over 3 years I was stuck up inside my home, leading a sedentary life. It was more of a secluded lifestyle instead of a lonely life. I just can’t stop saying this again. I started to write and things started changing; gradually, opening me up through a deadly transition towards a brighter life. In the process, making me how I used to be- undeterred!

Beginning..

As was anticipated, a new life was as though waiting upon my realization. What with a new set- up, profile, work- style, lifestyle and most importantly, people! Through this while, I have barely been able to weave a few poems only. At times, I wanted to write but was losing out upon the enthusiasm. I was more worried to get some sleep

I asked for it anyways.

I wanted a change, a major one at that. Now, I be gladly sailing upon without grumbling! The only hit is or the one I want to work upon is my blogging frequency. Now that I am over my anxiety, I guess I’ll get back to how it used to be. I love making notes, capturing a snap- snot in my mind. I am all set to write those down in words once again. That reminds me that I haven’t used my camera for a very long time.

I am thrown right in the middle of it.

I have had days when I had wanted to write, but did nothing much about that. I am writing all of that down here so it keeps hitting on my head and I don’t take it easy anymore. I have much observed a fact that once I write something down, it becomes as though embedded..! Eitherways, I have a lot to write about and sand crystals are only filling in the bottom cup. Besides wording the previous pending life excerpts, I have got to write about some very beautiful things that is pushing me back to life one more time.

So what I mean is that I’ll be moving around this space more frequently now.

Life coming to a full circle

Imagine a roomful of kids (or gown- ups; as you may) asked to draw random circles on a plain sheet of paper. A myriad presentation of unending lines would appear on your table; upon submission. Some would be concentric, yet others would be as if polka dots (if filled). Some of those may conform to a certain pattern; yet others may be completely abstract. One of the sheets may have a pattern where all circles maybe touching each other at the same point. A sheet would pop up where all circles maybe running in like looped in each other. If you combine all of those results; that’s how my state of being has been for the past few months.

It started with a very sweet intuition.

The acceptance was killing and that’s an understatement. Apparently I hit the stage one of the anticipated transition where realization squeezed every bit of complacence from my cells. In the process, I realized how uncomfortable all of this had been; yet, I had kept up with it! To have come to terms with the fact that I have no option other than to stick around with it still; was as stabbing as the repercussions of the few other mishappenings in my life. An arrangement couldn’t graduate to a relationship. It had hit the dead end even before an initiation. I was put back to scratch one.

This 1st phase of transition had brought out many gone past stances back to my mind.

It was uncomfortable to feel how I had felt back during those times. I was steered back to when I was left on my own at 17; exactly 17 years back. I was then fast forwarded to my wedding time- when I had quit work, only to go back to job hunting in 15 days’ time. Each time, I was pushed back and farther from being an average alive human being.

I am passing through the stage 2 of my transition.

This is when the most of the changes take place. The primary changes which leave secondary effects too. Adapting happens now. All turbulences hit at this point. Just when you might have made yourself acquainted; the 3^rd phase would arrive bringing in the tertiary changes. I am preparing myself for taking those in my stride, right from here. Like before, I will leave no room for any delusions. Needless to say; no man would now get any opportunity to carve me out of my setting.

Once again; I have started afresh with all my diligence resurrected. 

Writing over..

There is a certain degree of sensuality involved in feeling tired because of work. It gives me a sense of involvement and fulfillment with an extra opportunity to shine my skills. Did you notice how I said “skills” and not “talent”?

Don’t these sound typical of a working woman?

• Painting the nails while typing on key- board!
• Cheating while showering; applying the soap instead of face- wash.
• Shampooing hurriedly and yet trying to feel luxuriant.
• Doing the house-hold chores in a rush (as if you were to miss your flight)

A familiar song on the radio is enough to make you go- grin!

Hogging the breakfast when mind maybe sending negative signals against eating so fast and so early; I am hoping will become a habit soon. Waking up early is so similar to that of feeling enslaved. It will reach its peak during the winters. Don’t even remind me please!

The honeymoon period.

That’s when the training department slogs and you sleep. There isn’t one at my current work place; however, those brain- storming sessions seem to be like a mindless poet going on reciting abstract poetry. I even got to “take note (s)” on those.

The Roleplay.

I have stepped into the shoes of an Assistant Editor. A work profile in my area of interest with someone who has been my idol since childhood and a setup that follows the IST (clock); is what I have ventured into. It would be yet another learning process for me. A new concept, industry and polishing the already acquired skill- set; all is thrilling me up.

I have stepped out of my home for work after over 3 years!

With my maid gone on a short- notice trip to her hometown; it almost feels how hectic it used to be. Only this time, I am squeezing out time for blogging too. She boarded the train on the same morning I had to leave for my 1^st day of work. !$@^%*&^%^$#@! Once the next lot of content writing assignment is also picked up; I would be nose deep drowned in work. No doubt there’s a sense of purpose attached to what all I am involved with or how strangled I may be. How else could one survive otherwise?

I am a free bird

Just again! Locking up the house carefully, letting the walkman sing in my ears while enjoying the travel; I have started to frequent trip finally. It’s a little over than breaking the monotony; less than being on loose. I have worked hard to reach here. I now wish to enjoy the gain. Let me save the details part for some other time.

Now why do I feel again- I had seen this coming? 

• Part- III It is Destined

~*~*~

Filed under My Life Instances. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Leave Me alone

Dedication: This one is dedicated to all those incorrigible women who are “married respectfully” in the eye of society and take great honor in sharing the stinking details of their rotting relationship/wedlock! Listening to their stories, it feels as though I myself maybe the part of their fire- fighting. They make me forget that I am a single woman without a trace of any male around me; basking heavenly in one of the most irredeemable luxuries.

Really girls! I am tired of listening to your constant bickering about your relationship with your man. Let me remind you of the fact that this was your own choice made well against all the other suggested options and your parents (maybe his too) and the same society who you want to bitch about now. If you could stand against all, even after being so young then; you ought to have gotten conditioned by now. Just what regard do you have for your relationship anyway if all you do now is to crib about him; showing him down at the first opportunity available and yet, staying with him- under the same roof?

I have enough of mine to deal with.

I will live without you filling me in about how helplessly you have survived the torture. I will not vote for you; neither would I award you a medallion. I would have if you had rather walked out of that domestic slavery. Do I sound as an extremist? But so are you. You haven’t understood yet. Even after my telling you out aloud my mind; you want to go on ladling the molded cheese over fire; it is you who is stronger than the two of us. I believe; instead of the cheese, it’s my brain cells those are becoming nucleus less with every passing second.

Spare me of the horror.

Even Diana would have been embarrassed turning red on how fluently you pronounce expletives; leave alone their meanings. More seasoning than the salad ingredients spoils the taste and appetite both. Then again, I don’t wish to taste your salad either. Keep in mind that the moment you utter one of those; I label you as a dirty pile on. I guess those are the points I am earning for being associated with you.

I am not an Agony Aunt.

There’s a reason why I have chosen to be on my own. If incase you have missed the point completely (and so it seems); I do not want to be near any complication baked by men. Likewise, I do not wish to listen to things that you undergo in the name of being married; wanting to be a part of, for the rest of your life too. For crying out loud, he is your man, so bear him or not- for all I care.

I am a feminist.

Beware. Even before I point a finger towards men; I’ll blame you for putting up with so much nonsense. Isn’t that what you said it was?

Ditto about the stories of your kids too!

That’s yet another choice I have made- to not have one. I don’t want to know what’s up with their growing up either.

Didn’t you read the title yet?

If you say that this way I’ll be left out alone completely, so be it. I may have my own set of complications to deal with. I agree you maybe more than happy to gossip about those; I find it a complete waste of time. I guess I would utilize the hour to draw my plan of action or to analyze the situation to begin with. You think you can suggest? You can’t even empathize with me for what I have been through; save the sympathies, you need those more. By the way, how open are you to suggestions?

I am not available.

Indeed; being single = being available or so it seems. Just because I am alone, you guys have no consideration for my time and convenience. It’s about time you start showing some respect towards my lifestyle too. Traveling from where I stay costs me a big figure in the measure of time and finances; one of the reasons why I have cut down on my trips. I have graduated from travelling in public transport- be it any as well. Wait a sec, you never joined me when I had dropped in a word about my going out to shop.

Don’t interview me.

You want to know about my life till now for “catching up” with the past stances; go through my blog. It really hurts to walk down the memory lane, revisiting the same old haunted graveyards, while you keep dilating your pupils in horror. It sucks listening to the same mundane questions. Explaining my logic turns out to be equally frustrating. If you were the “understanding” types; you would have gone through my writes already. If knowing about my activity doesn’t interest you; why would I want to be “friends” with you to begin with?

Disappear already.

~*~*~

• Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

A Parcel of Love from Jannie

Here I am sitting all stuffed up on my Computer chair- actually a dining chair pulled in to set with my desktop and writing this.

Today was indeed a day full of surprises. Just when I thought I’ll share the news; the reality struck me on my face. There isn’t anyone around me, present physically who would watch me getting this excited. But that’s the most beautiful part of it all!

It’s been an hour and a half and I am still crying.

Sniff! Wait! I am not upset. I am happy. I am too choked up with emotions to be able to take control over myself. So what if I couldn’t step out of the country for higher studies or works? Things indeed have their strange ways to find you around. Leave the foreign travel alone, I don’t even have a passport; one of the many repercussions of being parentless. Just when I decided to make my limitation of being stuck to home (alone) my biggest advantage and started to write; something very strange happened.

Virtual friendships!

When I say cyber relationships; I don’t mean a chat or two alone. I am referring to friendships or relationships that then go on as though no geographical limitations ever existed. I would cheers my cuppa over the chat or even take tips for cooking! With endless sessions of gossips over the chat; life suddenly seems to smile back at me- telling me to imitate the gesture. At other times, there may be emails asking me about my mundane life and them sharing tit- bits about their personal life. I strongly feel that these maybe the relationships those have already been settled against my Karmic chart. That there isn’t anything left for me to give to them. Instead, they are there to fill me up with the emotions that I once thought had estranged me.

Unconditional Love..

I wonder how benevolent they must feel while picking up some gifts, packing those carefully, with a casual hand- written note thrown in, reflecting upon their sheer joy in doing so; so that the packet survives the travel to India!

Who doesn’t love to receive gifts?

Surprises, gifts, hand written notes; I have a huge collection of those neatly displayed at my home. I have almost all of those gifts with me that I have collected over the years of time. Some of those are as old as collected by my mom when she was a kid! The more recent ones include a box sent by Blaga and that uncle I met during my train travel.

Just a few hours back, I received one from Jannie now.

Woohoo! Am I excited? That’s an understatement for sure. If I haven’t harped enough about how thankful I am to writing for re- inventing me; here’s yet another benediction of the same. It really doesn’t matter where (geographically) I am or how I may be (mental state of being); all that does is what they perceive of me through my written words. A few things that I scratched open with child- like enthusiasm made me see enough Love for me to last my lifetime or maybe even many more; considering the fact that this note would float in the cyber-space breaking all limitations of timelines.

I am humbly pleasured and thankful indeed to receive this packet with an organic soap, her 1^st music CD, a packet of note- cards, name cards, a greeting with a hand written note. The contents are exactly how I used to while writing to ………… It used to be a sheer bliss in arranging for surprise birthday celebrations while at work.

All that is coming back to me now!

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Branching Out- II

There is a huge portion of our lives reflecting within the trees.

All of them are rooted (grounded); and yet, spread their branches all across the sky. Make a kid stand under a big tree; he would tell all you the same. He would barely be able to see the blue of the sky. The strangest fact is the flying beauties- birds make those trees their dwelling.

The complete concept is a paradox.

While the stem is often thick and coarse; the roots dig deeper into the chest of the earth to hold the tree firm. Those strands then pave way into the soil, through the pebbles and dirt and stand the tree as strong as it wants itself to get. The roots don’t mind getting dirty in the process. It would crawl though deads, fossils, rot, rocks and what not. Those creepy twiney things would gather enough strength for itself to keep springing downwards while secretly joining firm in a form of stem outside the ground and let the branches spread around again like roots but with leaves and flowers too.

How the same jiggly wiggly roots become strong branches swaying in the air!

It seems that the past (roots) stances gather enough courage (stem) to stand tall (tree) and spread out (branching) beautifully (leaves) and ornamentally (flowers), bear fruit (fruits) of their withstanding determination. What amazes me even more is the fact that the birds nest on the same branches. Leaving a few species of rock birds, almost all of them roost over the shaky branches; displaying their true aerial nature. Perhaps they too wish to remain grounded.

It’s these roots that hold secure the tree.

While the aerial branches maybe swaying with the wind; the roots hold the wooden growth firmly in its place. It tells us to stick to our basics, and then let go of ourselves accordingly!

You’ll never see a leaf or a plant grieving upon the weather. Instead it may have already adapted itself to it. No matter however harsh the sun may have been; the 1^st sprinkles of rain drops would be enough to make them nod in joy. They will shine their greens to state the fact mentioned. They wouldn’t curl up in vendetta and not soak up the drops. Contrarily, it would soak up enough rain to last for some really harsh days to come. Look around, no matter how harsh the weather keeps; the moment it rains, the greens sway in joy. For the time that it keeps parched, they do not grow bitter and stand stiff against the dewy breeze. They shower themselves down in that rain- no matter how strong the fall may be or how light the drizzle may be. It changes its sway accordingly. Standing still and not stiff in heavy downpour and moving its branches while under a drizzle.

Perhaps they are the ones who enjoy all the seasons and have mastered the art of adaptation. No matter what weather falls, they keep their heads high up and away in joy whenever there is little rain.

• No matter what, remain grounded.
• It’s a good idea to sway with the wind.
• Don’t crib if it’s sun or rain; adapt accordingly.

~*~*~

• Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Branching Out- I

When a storm strikes, only the trees which sway with the wind survive.

No matter how big and branched a tree may be. There are always certain pointers showing why those fell out of the rest. When it is said that one needs to go with the flow, this is what it points out at.

It would not hurt to be a little polite. Really, it will only pave way for future friendship or at least some cordiality. It is never “I” because notice carefully, this “I” stands alone and would always remain so. “WE” are two alphabets, “ALL” is three and “ALTOGETHER” makes ten; and so on it goes.

When you go for your round of Interviews at a new and unknown Company, you try to keep a smile while asking for directions. You also paste that smile while replying to the questions asked in your interview. You feel much better when the Interviewer himself or herself keeps up a smile while conversing with you. Is it somewhat relating now? You create a friendly welcome with that smile or with your display of lack of arrogance.

I now share a story that I had read in my Hindi language (vernacular) text book.

There was this huge and tall tree of Coral Jasmine. It would bear beautiful white and fragrant flowers through the autumn and winter season. It would never go quite harping about its beauty. The adjoining trees would keep telling that one to not to be so arrogant; however, it would pay no attention to such “preaching”. It was too proud of being capable of bearing flowers. The others in the row were not the flowering ones. As it was ordained to happen, no longer was the winter over, the tree had become completely naked. Devoid of any bloom or even many leaves, it was left stood bare taking the heat of sunlight on its slim branches. No passersby would ever stop under that one to take rest. It had hardly any foliage over itself to produce any shade. It is not known what happened to the attitude of that tree; given the fact that that is how this species of Jasmine blooms till date. There is yet another verse that means this:

So what if you are as big as a Palm, with no shade for the passersby, bearing fruits too far to be plucked.

The Palms are only good to look at. One can not stop by to relax under the tree. Neither can one stretch his or hand to pluck the fruit to satiate his or her hunger! It is a tree alright, but not really as humble as the other ones.

The old ones too do not.

The very phenomenon of the old and shallow trees falling off during strong winds or even otherwise, reflects upon the fact that we need to quit upon our redundant and obsolete practices. Or else, such shallow thinking would take us down when we may be going through our set of struggling period.

• Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

In love again!

27^th May, 2011

I am in love again!

It just feels so good. I haven’t been in love really. The only someone I have loved ever, is all locked up in me about. After HIM and maybe after a couple of decades; I feel I maybe in love again. He is selflessness, dependable and with incredibly handsome looks. I wouldn’t have to hold my hands out in breeze to pretend I may be flying. He could baggy pack me on his back and jump around over the woods. I wouldn’t need to be scared of any demon or bad omen or any evil eye anymore!

What’s more; I wouldn’t have to worry about my age or even death.

33 would be a very small integer then. My faculties would get developed further. My occult based instincts are already pretty strong for a normal human anyways. Now, just who doesn’t want to become immortal or even powerful- like being all paranormal?

Coming back after dying is already on my wish list.

Guess that would be an excellent opportunity to get what I want. I would be able to get distanced from being only a human. I would have all the time and reason to watch over lifecycles; I find the whole concept of universe, creation, evolution a huge mystery as it is. I would be able to draw notes and conclude a few more theories.

I consider men a very different species.

Men and romance don’t go hand in hand; so doesn’t love and wedlock. Try mixing all of these and you would be tangled for the rest of your life- both literally and mindly. There seems to exist one perfect solution though.

I don’t watch horror movies.

This would explain why it took so long for me to watch this one. I wasn’t sure if this was one of those underplayed horror movie. On Friday evening, I happen to watch both Twilight and New Moon back to back. Sigh!! The movie seemed like watching a romance novel. A strong willed man with roguish charm and a petite shy woman but always falling for non-men; or was it the other way around? I loved the movie for its surreal imagery. Sensuality was under- played and that’s what made this adult fairy tale even more intriguing. Both the beastly men gave more weightage to their women than proving their identities.

Light humor scenes

• Edward (the vampire- ooooh!!) sucks Bella’s (a “naïve” girl) blood- to save her life- mind it. After which, the Vampire who had never slept in his last 109 years, falls asleep.. zzzzzz!
• Edward watched over Bella whereby Jacob (a werewolf- c’mon, Bella; after loving a Vampire couldn’t turn to a human for love, not done) confesses his love for her out loud! What !$@%#@!
•  Bella asks Edward to read Jacob’s mind so she could talk to him without any hesitation. All three of them were stood across each other. The vampire did oblige the girl. How obedient!
• His set of teeth was missing! None of the Vampires had those dagger shaped side teeth that are oh-so “whatever” to look at.
• Wait, which Vampire gets scared with pepper spray in his eyes? Totally kiddish!

I had kept on sighing loud throughout the two movies.

• The Vampire apparently gets to taste his favorite blood sample in name of saving his beloved’s life.
• He kisses her a many times (sigh) but never ever ever ever ever bite her- even by mistake. One helluva determined beast… errr.. Vampire.
• When the Vampire disappear, a very handsome werewolf emerges.. (why did you have to send both of them at once..? Now who do I choose?)
• “Just why don’t you kiss her already? Turn her into a vampire and live happily ever after! Are you a vampire or what?” I had kept screaming throughout the movie.

The wolf…… the less I say, the better it would be. Check him out on your own.

So, can I please order a Vampire? Wouldn’t mind what his age maybe as long as he can fly me over the woods! For the side order, make it a really fierce Werewolf. That way, both of them would be on their toes. As if my thoughts were read by cyberspace; the whole of FB page was filled with Twilight commercials. If that’s not all, I watched the two movies back to back again the very next day.. sigh!!!

Oh Vampire! I am in love again! SIGH….!$@$&^&^^#$#@

Given their ages, The “happily ever after” seems more plausible.

Making a move

A few days from now, I’ll be stepping out of my homebound captivity!

I have been calling upon this for a very long time. Maybe since the very day I had left my last real job. Or maybe the day I realized that this arrangement is far from being called a relationship. I have been working from home for the past over 3 years now, without any take-home. It is more of an arrangement (read: another post) that I have decided to take no further.

Am I excited?

More than getting employed and in a “real” job; it’s the excitement of stepping out that is making me anxious. The role is going to be very different from my previous jobs. Like all the other big transitions, this one too is going to foray me into a newer opportunity.

I had given up- well almost.

I had that tiny bleak of hope still stretching itself out of nowhere. It was much like fooling my ownself and yet hoping for things to fall in place. Only, they fell apart- quite as much. I am not a foolhardy girl; just didn’t want to take any chances. Let’s say I was trying to play it safe. Yes, it was yet another gamble I had rolled my dice for. I have been & am still being as much cautious as I could be. I have taken more than one person’s share; much, when I am already saturated with my early experiences.

After all, it’s for my survival.

Priorities differ from one to the other, with the situation a person is thrown in. I don’t care for any relationship (to happen) and that’s an understatement. Reasons.. one too many to answer in one post! All I care is about my own existence- to be able to survive and with dignity; if I may. Food, shelter and clothing; comes much after I succeed to survive. Looking back at the last 17 years, I see that all I have been busy with is to survive alone and alone. Each time I tried to take it easy or get a little complacent; things have hit me hard on my face!

Relationships have only taken me down.

The present one; the one I keep referring to as an arrangement, is no different. My life has been an unending phase of struggle and my being in a relationship makes it worse. Each time I tried to give it a serious try; I took a hit on my dignity and my state of being too. Surprisingly, I get pushed out to roar single again- every time! It is this realization during my recent transition phase that had killed me. Once again, a man failed me!

It’s not the 1^st time.

I mean the moving out thing. “Growing out of it” or “moving on”; it hurts me hard. It did this time too. Stepping out to work is not like going out for work here. It’s more like letting the phase die out. The bird comes back to the nest while learning to fly. So think of me how tough it would be fly away in the morning only to go back by evening.

So am I learning to fly?

Technically, yes. I am learning to leave the nest (read: enslaved comfort zone) and to flap my wings both at the same time. With a strong hope that eventually I might take off!! Bring down “Indifference” to a really basic level; that’s how it is right now. It’s a very small form of revolting. To step out, to go out to work again, to learn something totally new, to be able to see if I still have it in me; if I could be me again..

It’s a fight for my survival again.

~*~*~

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Men are indeed from Mars

Disclaimer: This post is a direct result of my experience with men.

There, I said it! They are anything but even remotely connected to the women species. I guess the Project UFO should end here. It’s them invading our planet. Why; isn’t Nature referred to as “Mother” Nature? So it is but possible that only women happened here. Just like bacteria did- on their own; capable of “multiplying” even further..

Any initiative you may ever take would soon become your foremost deliverable. Try and reminding him of the same and you would end up wondering if the baby boy had ever grown up. They would whimper, sulk, scream (yes that one too) till the woman would apologize for being rude! No matter how much you maybe slogging to keep up to his expectations. Never ever he would sit down to Thank You for your efforts; instead, he would blatantly blurt out- “oh, that’s how it ought to be” (!!@$#@#@^%*&^!!)

Then again- says who?

Try telling him a fact with a straight face. There; watch him over for the next couple of days making a mention of the same, even if you were to say sandwich. Nagging flows in their blood. It’s them who take to stalking both while making us believe that they may be the one and while we make them believe that he is just like anyone (else). They would go into the denial mode like the 1950s Hindi movie, whereby a woman would is shown as the poor one sobbing and crying over her man.

Incase you know; how many men have taken rejection/break off lightly?

If we gossip; they shout. Become rude and often abuse- not to ignore even violently and physically! If you compare their actions (often volatile) to our sessions of or words chosen to gossip in that would be like ants crawling in a straight line. No matter what, we come home at nights. We feel guilty if seeing someone out of our relationship and always feel the moral responsibility to tag along with him anywhere we go. While we may want to show “him” off to the entire world; they need space. That is; to go overboard in name of male bonding and drinks. All of a sudden our eyes no longer make them feel stoned.

We don’t space out- often. They make us move on!

If the man is the “provider” kinds; he would take a huge offence if the woman was to go out to work. That would be a direct attack as if saying- you aren’t giving me enough cash! The woman is expected to sit dolled up the entire day doing absolutely nothing and feel chirpy about the same endlessly for years. Mind you, he has his own priorities hence never available for her- even when she may be in dire need. His ego would be bruised if you express that you wish to work. It would be shattered into million pieces if you grab a job superior to that of his. There would be a time soon when he would want to know why at all you need to work! Even the most educated of the lot would be reduced to being a jerk harping that question.

That’s right; they would kill you if you try to tell them that that may not be a relationship.

It is them who need women so they feel they are a man. We have our monthly period to remind us of our state of being. After a certain age; they would need younger one to announce their virility. Kindly note that the reality maybe a far cry. When women do the same (for the reason mentioned), they are referred to as milfs, cougar and a few more terms those would be synonymous to being a sex worker.

Wait, isn’t he too lusting after us?

They say we are experts when it comes to argument; then why at all they start one? If they abuse; it’s how a man is, if we do, we are loose. They may be pressed under sorting priorities; we have none! If we wish to talk it out; it’s nagging. The best way to deal with anything is by sweeping its dust under the rug.

If you want your relationship to work out, never ever ever expect him to apologize. He won’t. He would rather make you do for having expected that out of him.

Conclusion: Coming to an End

After watching the movie (2012), a lot of things have played up on my mind. Before I put across the things I have been pondering over; let me share a few facts already known to us.

• Science has yet not been able to find an answer as to how the first life ever struck the “living” beings!
• There were a species called Dinosaurs in certain age that walked the face of earth- now extinct.
• There took place a major catastrophe (in the Dinosaur era) when the life was wiped off from the face of earth that we are a part of today or so the theory says.
• All such facts have been put together by the archaeologists, researchers and other scientists.
• The world’s coming to an end or so is being said. Something similar had happened even in the Dinosaur era.

There are a few more mystical beings those we talk about

• Dragons
• Minotaur
• Mermaid
• Centaurs
• So many other mythical creatures such as Chimera and Cyclops.

Any fossil whenever found is majorly in its skeletal form. The skin/feather/wings/color is how we perceive of those fossils based on relevant study.

• We still don’t know if the dinosaurs could actually speak!
• How their (or others’) anatomy might have been actually (resulting in “abnormal” or unusual pattern of existence).
• Perhaps we all lived in harmony (or in the lack of it) once. Maybe those were genetic “modifications” and not disorders.
• Like they are to us; we could also be giants to them.

Look up at a flying bird from down under it. Doesn’t it resemble the fossilized archaeopteryx? If you look at them from the front; don’t their beady eyes appear mean? Instead of a bird, don’t they look like a mammal with wings? Maybe there were larger birds those were named as Dragons! Or better still certain flying lizards named as Dragons? Eitherways, most of us have seen (or conceived) things/shapes to have said so!

Like we are in the process of learning and re- discovering still; one day we might conclude that we indeed lived with those giant reptiles. Then again, how a bird and fish both have similar outer body structure; yet, classified completely under different categories? Maybe the birds were too pissed with the (human) behavior and stopped speaking hence and instead chose to fly away?

Why isn’t there a single creature that can speak, fly, float and get rooted at wish?

• Perhaps the theory of evolution needs a revision.

Who knows; perhaps the Dinosaurs were as intelligent as human beings are. Maybe they too had abused the natural resources and had discovered all about that (global warming in our times) as we have and done nothing to prevent it!  That may have deteriorated things to such a level that the earth’s magnetic fields too may have been affected. If some major catastrophe was to really hit the world; wiping out every single form of life, how would the generation next ever know that we could speak and had built computers?

Although the movie had ended at a very positive note; if something really that big was to hit us, we won’t survive the impact. That is guaranteed!

Might isn’t always right.

If we don’t learn the lesson from Dinos right now; soon we would be extinct too. Our fragile bones would be long particulated even before someone else re- discovers those!

Then again, my friend Ruby asked me the other day- why the evolution has stopped at being human?

Diet Riot!

While reading the different health and diet related articles online; I came to conclude a few facts. Blame it on my mind for developing thoughts around such deduced facts.

Conclusion 1

Cooking = Killing

That’s a positive approach for sure. Now go ahead and imitate a cow for the rest of your life, i.e., if you are a vegan (But not a dinosaur if you are not. Try picking the caveman instead. Reason- go to the next pointer).

Conclusion 2

The more the meat is cooked, the less grease will remain (hence getting closer to pure protein)

Don’t worry about the kill factor, you stabbed it already. Then again isn’t Cooking = Killing..?

Conclusion 3

Sprouts are very special. Sprouts are live food, comprising of essential and balanced nutrients for alive people, as life proceeds from life. Life and health go together.

• Please note- it would do no good to people who are not alive.
• Apparently, you really need to kill life to stay healthy.
• Wait, aren’t plants a life- form already?
• Miracle- New independent life form discovered (seed is the detached part of the plant)

Conclusion 4

Water = Zero Calories

I researched and there is indeed one Water Diet too! Incase you are wondering about an Air Diet; well, there is one indeed. The good news is; their names are exactly opposite to what the steps are to be on such diets. You may eat your daily dose of calories while following these diets.

Conclusion 5

There are no miracle diets. All of those are fads. The only rule to stay healthy is to eat everything in moderation. If it still doesn’t work, go out and play like you used to when young. Come back if you still don’t lose. Cut down on your alcohol as well. You didn’t booze when young- did you?

Then there are OCD Diet, Prism Diet, Scab Diet, Stop the Insanity Diet besides some sci- fi names such as - Ultimate Carb Phaser 1000, Ultimate Lean Routine, Ultra Carb, Ultra et Slim Pastilles, Ultra Lipo Lean, Usana. These are certainly not the names of drugs- Xenadrine, Xenadrine EFX, Xenaplus, Xenical(Orlistat), Youthin, Zotril (Zotrin), Zumba by Beto, Zymax.

Conclusion 6

Eating = Calories

I am not saying anything..

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• Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Sleeping away to Glory

Some days are just plain lazy.

Sleeping through the major part of the waking hours becomes the order of such days. No matter how late you wake up; you would want to stretch yourself on the bed, at the first attempt available. All you would want then is to lie down and go past dead.

I would wake up and know instantly if one such day is about to impose itself on me.

It seems as if sleep calls upon me to rest upon my state of being. I can tell immediately upon opening my eyes if I would apparently fail to drag my day further without closing my peepers again. It wouldn’t make any difference how many teas I would have gulped down or for how long I may have ogled at the Computer. Then again, I master the art of falling asleep while sipping tea/coffee.. so that isn’t the problem really.

Staying on my own has certainly some stretched (or stretching) benefits.

I would wake up by 9am. After a hearty breakfast, few cuppas and some work, I’ll pass out by 12pm latest and keep tossing for the next 3- 4 hours. On lucky days, it would be for a couple of hours alone. I would keep waking up in between, switching off and on the a/c unit, checking my cellphone, toss and snooze. It’s different than those power naps of half hour. The surprising part is come night and I feel equally sleepy.

It feels really luxurious.

After all those years of night shifts and keeping awake; this is something I can live with forever. Not very many years back, I used to stay cranky because I couldn’t fall asleep. Not anymore! Infact, I am planning to go snooze time for a couple of days together. Actually, I could use a vacation sleeping away whole of my time and really not speak at all. A little watching television maybe. Or moving out to enjoy the serenes.. but sleeping for the majority of the time.

This was one such day!

What now? It’s past 12 (am) and I’m going dead.. (again) YAWWWNNNNNNNNN
zz.. zzzzzz.. zzzz.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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• Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Towards the end of a stale phase

I feel the transition phase is towards its end now.

I am all perched up anxiously to watch out for the changes that are to strike me. Each time I am in a transition; both my dwelling place and work place goes for a huge turn around. This time around, I have been able to save my home at least. Work is definitely changing. Although the present set- up is more or less the same (giving me a cushion of familiarity); it’s moving more towards the area of my interest and passion. Towards writing!

A few changes have already happened meanwhile.

I have swapped the couch with the box bed. I have spent some 3 good years resting my bottom on that couch while watching soaps n movies. Though not as big a change; I now act lazy, sprawling all over the low- height bed while watching the 2 daily soaps of half hour each at an interval of 1/1-2 hours between the two. My bedroom setting too has changed. I have pulled over the Computer table inside the bedroom. As of now it sits where my bed used to be. Once I get the long wire for USB connection; I would move it back to the other wall.

These small changes are pointing towards the end of this transition resulting in some major changes.

• The Computer now lives in my room. I don’t go to the “office room” to work anymore or even for blogging.
• My usual sitting n sleeping place has changed.
• Work pattern too is changing now focusing more towards office/writing work instead of meeting clerical requirements.
• My eating habits too have changed now. Fruits, sprouts n sugarless coffees rule my day. I have managed to bid adieu to a few inches; thanks to my changed lifestyle.
• I am more restful within myself after having come to terms with the veracities around me. I had known about this since the beginning. It was a huge blow to have realized that the initial apprehensions are what I have actually lived in till now, since the very beginning and perhaps may even result in the failure that was calculated under risk.

I have begun to have a life at last.

Those socialization since last summer had started to spin it- didn’t realize it till I sat down to cry in the winters of 2010. I am trying to remain as cheerful as I used to be and am. That smile that had disappeared when I had turned into a recluse had started to set back on my face as a giggle since last one year; only now I have a company to join in with me in my laghterscapade.

lolss

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Related Posts

• My Couch Area Pics
• Central Area Pics
• My Bedroom Pics

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• Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Freaking out on Friday

Ever since I brought my Computer table along with the system to my room; I am re- discovering newer things.

Things, those should have been a part of my life by now, as is others’. I am not complaining though. The roller coaster ride I‘ve been since long on; I am thankful enough to have reached a level where I can talk about it- instead of still being pulled by the engine!

For now, I am trying to appreciate all that I have.

I decided to clean up the files and papers stacked up in that Computer Table that I got made last year. I ended up making enough room for placing a few CDs. I didn’t own a DVD player till now; not up until the new system was installed in December of 2010. The VCD player that was a part of my Sales Incentive from Convergys, didn’t play very well. Quite obviously I didn’t fix it up with the television after I shifted to Gurgaon in December- 2007. That may be one of the reasons why I have only a handful of CDs with me.

While stacking those out in the shelf from their packing case from last 3 years; I saw one of my fave movies CD sat there. What then? I closed all the blog windows and switched on for some guilt free Me Time. The last time I watched this movie was when towards the end of my previous transition phase. I told you; there are too many things happening as a repeat making me feel nervous!

How freaky could it get?

Freaky Friday is one of those movies that keep me teary eyed from start till end with a big grin on my mouth. I hear their performance song and burst into goose bumps yet another time, the moment Anna in her mom’s body starts strumming her guitar. Needless to say, I (am) freaked out totally. How else could I have celebrated the Mother’s Day weekend? Even the power cuts didn’t bother me up until I finished watching both the CDs.

What’s more; today’s a Friday! Whoa! What are the odds again? 

Edit (2200hrs): It’s been storming since I finished watching that movie. 

~*~*~

Submitted for Theme Thursday

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Now Bald n still Beautiful!

That’s right. After being goldy locks, I am now baldy looks.

I didn’t think I would have to write this post… initially at least!

It isn’t a big deal… or is it?

After contemplating to do this for close to a year; it was the last couple of months when I wanted to do it really bald… err.. bad I mean! I knew the comments and reactions would come flooding. I was more than prepared to hear those. So much so that I wondered if someone didn’t react!

I am beginning to grow tired of replying to “why”. I know that’s to understand the logic.. but is that illogical to begin with?

For several nights together; I talked to my face to let the moving strands stroll for a couple of nights more. I found it just so irritating to get my cheeks sweeped by those loose short strands while tossing in my sleep. I used a hand towel (maintained separately) to cover my head to keep the flying hairies away! It indeed is one helluva experience to toss around all over the bed without having to worry about tangling the hair or get some naughty ones to jump up my face. Needless to mention, disorder upsets me.

Summers make me feel as though being cooked inside a broiler. Spend 2 minutes in the kitchen and you become a dried and soggy cabbage. Just about yesterday, I cooked for close to an hour with all the 4 burners aflamed, stepping out without a single trickle of sweat. I noticed; my bald head was smiling big. So was I.

I can now shower up as many times as I want to with as many head washes thrown in. My tonsil glands get agitated if I were to wash my head everyday- even in summers. Thankfully, they have hibernated when the scissors called “snips” on my hair.

On a serious note: My hair was pretty light around my forehead. If tied back, they would behave as individual tufts. I was scared when I noticed the bald patches on my head. They have been ruling my hair since ever! The good news is, as I am watching my hair grow back, I don’t see any empty patches or lines. Fine strands have become healthier. They are soft and brown still; but that fineness (almost limp) has gone. I often joked about promoting conditioners. Even if my hair was to be washed in sea water using the harshest of the detergents; it would touch smooth and comb straight like silk thread. I could actually do with some curls and real tight ones at that.

The day I was to cut them; it seemed they were all ready in unison.

I didn’t need to detangle even though I had washed the hair the night before. I ran my fingers and they had traveled down without jerks. They not only had become bouncy after being treated with Olive Oil for two months; but had also grown long too. This act is again quite repetitive of my previous transitional phases. I have cut my hair short twice before this. Both of the times I was emerging out of a transition. I wouldn’t know if my soul yearns for a fresh crop every time! The co- incidence is bit too much to ignore. Why am I not surprised!

For everyone else chasing me with a “why”; I haven’t committed any murder.

For crying out loud, these are some dead protein tissues which ask for really expensive maintenance when eventually they will turn grey and fall out. If you know me; then it’s not because of my hair but because of who I am. If you say hair is a part of my personality; I say- here’s a part of my personality! C’mon, my clips n clutchers would be back in business- should I wish to grow them again (aren’t you pleased to know?) As of now, I don’t wish to! I already have a few hairdos lined up in my mind- complete with hair color n the works.

If it still doesn’t make any sense; then blame it on my mother.

Ever since she’s left me; I have been acting as per her wishes. I had definitely wanted to sashay around in long hair; but now have lost all the charm. Reasons- one too many. It’s been over 3 years now that I am locked up at my house, absolutely no place to flaunt my hair or looks at. Let’s say I have moved on. The blog friends I have today are because of what I write (however crappy it maybe); and not because of my doll like blonde hair. My real life friends who know me up close would anyways be able to relate to it.

There’s absolutely no reason why I did it! I wanted to; I have.

I am anyways a free- spirited woman. Completely liberated- this is only the outer aspect that’s showing.

• We weren’t born with long hair.
• There’s a reason why tonsuring is practiced.
• If nails are a dead tissue, so is hair.
• Ain’t the woolly mammoth extinct?

If I could survive on my own since my teens all by myself; I would survive with a bald head too. Really! Why can’t someone go and ask my estranged dad a “why”? The same bunch of people who wanted to make peace with whatever dad has done to me and my mom, are the ones who are screaming why!

Look around- bald is beautiful and so am I. The amount I’ll save upon the healthy upkeep of these strands, will be a waste anyway; I’ll do some charity instead. The time it takes to comb and shine and blah.. is just not worth! I do have many and better things to keep myself occupied with. Let me make room for my hobbies and passion.

Wait, WHY do I have to have or give a reason for everything? Can’t something be spontaneous?

WHY NOT?

It’s only a few tufts of hair that I pulled off my own head. I haven’t sucked the life out of anyone’s heart. No one ever wanted to know how I survived each time I was thrown out of my home. How come some keratin mammalian cognition become so important over than being a human?

~*~*~

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Taking a Bald Step

• The water will flow down your body keeping in contact with the skin surface right from the first point when it hits your head..
• Your head would feel airy..
• You will save on shampoo expense!

Some of the “intense imageries” my domestic maid has painted around what I have decided to do finally! What she doesn’t understand is there is much more than those silly parameters by which she leads her life currently.

• I am a rebel and also a protagonist.
• Moreso, I’ll do exactly that which is considered taboo!
• You may call me unconventional.

My version:

• I am a rebel.
• I take pride in doing exactly what is considered taboo!
• I am unconventional.
• I tend to do things that would make the eye- balls pop out; if not the wits!
• I love the attention
• I love to experiment.
• I want to try everything once- oh yessss! If I like it; I will make it my signature style. Go ahead, run your imagination wild now!
• I wish to break all that which restricts a woman.
• My mom was a daring do herself. Blame it on her for polluting my mind with her sermons.

If you are reading this; then I have done it already.

Plus points:

• Ever- ready to step out without really bothering about styling.
• I now wear a contemporary style all the time.
• No bad hair days!
• I can head shower as many times as I would want to in a single day without worrying about infecting/enlarging my tonsil glands.

This one’s to you Dear Mom!

This is one of the steps taken towards breaking free from all possible tangible n intangible attachments!

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Submitted for Magpie Tales

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Time stops now!

Whoever said that time cannot be captivated?

You certainly can capture a moment. Along with it- a vignette, a chronicle or a narrative to describe the “caught” moment-o. You capture a moment within words in mind, defined by brush- strokes in a painting, or clicked by lenses in snap- shots. The joy of that instant, the intensity of the hurt in displayed emotions or the very essence of that split- second moment; gets arrested in a sheet, memories or even cyber- media! Like the event itself, the framed moment too lives forever.

It’s a spark that spreads the fire!

So instead of a split second time; also a series of events that must have happened at a different or previous or even later time, gets encaged. The photo- albums aren’t plastic pockets with colored photo paper only; it’s the emotions captured alongwith an account of that occasion. Paintings are much more than some colors done bleeding on paper. Those are the feelings captured by the bristles of the brush and the tale then follows; often, a legend is born.

Words say the most.

The precedence, the relevance and the subject matter- all explicitly. Like a detailed engraved pillar with vines, the substance get etched against the pillar of time- with many associated tales springing around it! An introduction, preface, and even an edit section grace the real body of the matter. Millions of seconds get seized within a few hundred words. A simple word like “Universe” says it all! No metaphors needed to give the explicit.

An entire generation and beyond is lived in those captured words!

Likewise, it bounds uncountable emotions in a painting. An individual, his life, his success or the lack of it gets framed in his portrait. No matter how successful he might have not been in his life; a legend is born anyways. Millions of stars can be seen twinkling across on a clear night sky. The stars captured in photos twinkle each time those are viewed; bringing back floods of memories and emotions estranged and buried. A small bit of life is then lead while viewing a photo; a life that you might have led then or a life you could not lead ever! Some minutes of present day time gets stolen while you sit starry eyed thinking of the possibilities those could have been. While losing yourself viewing the snap- shot; you lead a life that you could not- anyway; so what if only within minds!

The paper does not remain life-less any longer.

Like how snap- shots are shown in Harry Potter movies; those also tend to breathe and move! It isn’t magic but a different dimension altogether. Like some demi-god ourselves, we tend to “create” dimensions and in those we decide who to put in! This isn’t the only life we live. We live our lives in others’ minds within their memories. We lead a life that we may not be aware of in someone else’s imaginations or yearnings. We become lively again- each time our photos are viewed or we are talked about or something about us is read somewhere across the globe. Similarly, cyber- space could also be a “live” culture to hold and inbreed the souls around in it!

A souvenir by Time.

While writing “love- letters” (that’s what those are called- ain’t those?); I would say that those words actually make me see him even though he may not be around physically- certainly not on a piece of paper. Yet I felt him talking to me whenever I read those letters. Read this as remote Past Tense- I write only on my blog now! At times; a gift or a memento, too revives our memories. The series of leading a stolen life in a stolen moment begins again. That would happen each time you would see those. Or is it the time that decides those mementos to show up?

And we say- time never stops!

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Green with Envy!

This cute looking fat- sole was sat stuck to my Curry Plant in winters of 2010. Poor small little wonder’s pics have been sitting for all this while without my putting them up- since 20th November, 2010 to be precise. Charged guilty..

I’ve decided to finally publicize the cute little green boy’s folio publicly today. I have a small story to compliment as well. I hope he doesn’t feel offended however! No intentions atleast. I hope he would understand. If at all, I am giving him a cover story to compliment. The story was told by my mom.

This is about a man who was highly paranoid about not talking while dining. No one was allowed to open their mouths except for placing their morsels inside of it. As it happened one day; the young boy of that man had wanted to say something no sooner they were sat for dining. You guessed it- he wasn’t allowed to speak.

For the next 20 minutes the boy had desperately wanted to speak and his father had gestured him to be quiet. The young one had even wanted to take the salad tray away. He had earned big eye ball stares in return. Father had then placed a big green piece of cucumber in his mouth and the boy wanted him to not eat that- or so it seemed by his actions. The boy was scolded, yelled at and sent away to his room.

After everyone else had had their food; father decided to check on the boy. He was summoned back to the dining table and asked about what was so important than to eat his food and quietly. The young boy was beyond being irritated! He was starving for crying out loud. He had begun eating without even looking up at anyone lest he was sent to his room again. The salad tray was empty as though to punish him.

After finishing his dinner; he had spoken up rather calmly.

“Dad! There was this big fat green little thing crawling on that cucumber you ate. I wanted you all to take note of that, but if only if you had let me speak. I had tried to warn you when you had popped it in your mouth but you had instead chosen to dismiss me. But now I guess it wasn’t really worth my attention, since you ate it anyway!!”

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• Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Stark Entity

I admire birds for a very strong reason.

Try and tease one or pour a bucket of water when they may not be watching; they will simply fly away, never to come back. They would never stop in their flight to screech back at you. It will leave you stood there like a fool watching at its flight. It conveys its sarcasm without going beaks. It says it all- How poor a man is without wings or the ability to fly!

Their sense of detachment is what I envy.

• A new partner for every mating season.
• The male acting as the real provider by building the house and then taking turns to feed the babies.
• No pretensions of sex being a pleasurable act when all it is to take the progeny forward. A couple unites to only mate and not date!

That’s where it starts becoming ugly.

The concept of dating and mating is as controversial as Love itself. What has Love got to do with mating or even marrying? The 1^st one is about lust; the other one is about wanting to settle down with someone instead of going nomadic about it. Atleast birds are very clear when it comes to the concept of Love. They don’t create a huge fuss about it like we do.

Set free!

Yet another pattern I have observed is how revolting they become if you try to hold them or en-cage them! Unless you catch hold of the younglings. That’s when they adapt themselves to seeing human beings around them. Otherwise, they keep fluttering till you either let go of them or they end their lives themselves palpitating and starving. Unlike captivated human beings, they don’t try to adjust to the new place. No matter how much cold water or how many seeds you scatter around them; they won’t look at the grains till captivated. They prefer giving up their lives instead of chirping sat inside a cage. A small little fluffy bunch with beaks leads her life better than any virtuous human.

But we never learn from them or for ourselves.

There is a reason why we can’t fly. With a venomous tongue and shrewd mind; the added up ability to fly would only resurrect the dragons.

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Related Post

• The Green Serenity

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Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

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Wish comes true

Previous- End of Innocence

Things those are lost, find its own unique way to go back to you. Often in a way you may have not expected.

Although I have let go of what had happened back then- maybe because I met someone as wonderful as Ruby, or maybe because Himanshu failed me yet again and exactly how I had thought of him; I dreamt of that one more time.

For years, the nightmares have awakened me up from my disturbed sleep pattern. My entire class had stopped talking to me from the very next day. Not even the so called “best friends” wanted to see me in the eye! I was called names and ridiculed no end. I am yet to know the reason of that behavioral transformation myself- not that I care for anymore. My close friends were the ones who had done that to me. The same group of people, I am back in touch with- once again. I don’t hold any grudge against any one anymore. If at all, it let me see his true colors when still very young!

Manish Gupta had remained friends with me. It was only much later that a few of them had started talking to me. Those were the final exam days when Bimal would wish me luck. Tanu had still remained friends- Gaurav was neutral!

Yet again I dreamt of- I asking Manish what exactly was anyone’s problem that they had chosen to alienate me; the same night! I had narrated the incident to Ruby’s eldest sister in the day; dis- passionately though. It was about how Himanshu had also decided to not speak with me. It was then that I had concluded that a boy who couldn’t go against a class full 37 students would never gather enough courage to settle down for an inter- caste alliance and with a background of someone like that of mine.

Years later- I was proven just darn right!

As if I had known that nothing was to eventually happen about the two of us; I had requested him for his snap. That was when I studied in 6^th standard; a year back before that incident had killed the charm of studying in that school.

I have now witnessed to all the silver linings.

Whatever happened has changed my life for sure. Already, my father had walked out on us. Then, my class- mates had alienated me. We had shifted our house and then the school too- it was a new change- over for me. I could never adapt to so many changes happening at the same time. But that was only a glimpse of what was to come. Ever since my transitions have been giving too many things to deal with- making me learn in the process- a complete change from the past and an unknown future to get used to.

That snap I had kept requesting for; was never obtained. He had definitely not given any weightage to my request. I wasn’t any vocal about my feelings for him- but I guess that and my writing this here shows how much I felt for him even back then. The Birthday Party snaps were nice- again, he had not given me the copies. I hadn’t insisted much either. I used to keep busy with my rehearsals for extracurricular activities. I have barely been shot with the class. I am glad Paul sir had insisted upon I also getting clicked with the class. Who was to know that I would get to see that snap yet again after all these years- 21 years to be precise if not more!

I have always believed strongly upon my fate. I get whatever I want- maybe in a highly unexpected manner. I lose all the charm by then- but that’s a very small price that I pay in turn!

I am done feeling nostalgic. A feeling of enormity has crept in, in place of feeling vulnerable now. I didn’t go tears anymore. I laughed it off….

Hysterically.

Related Post

• My 1st Crush was my last Affair

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Filed under My Life Instances. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

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Eggliciously Yours

I love gorging on eggs and that’s a grave understatement.

Like a small little child who remains crazy for a bar of ice- cream every day, day after day; I am as biased towards the humble eggs! When young; I would make egg cones out of boiled egg whites mashing the yolks with the rest of the fillings. Elders had dismissed saying I would eventually grow out of that.

If at all, the fondness has grown back on me.

I take great pride in washing all the eggs before shelfing those in both the fridges. Like mini crystal balls they sit perched on the egg tray. I hate the fridge companies who don’t provide enough trays or big enough pits to hold the eggs. How non egg- friendly their design ideas are. Right from the deal of buying some, to prepare and eat; I remain as excited as one could be! The store I buy my – oh so breakable shells from, knows me darn too well. Reasons

• I would buy 4 -5 boxes at one go..
• I would hand- pick each one of them checking their size and weight!

I carry a huge grudge against the people who mis- treat the poor egg.

They would whip some, throwing in some chopped onions and fry the mix- in name of preparing omelet; till it becomes brown like bread and chewy like leather. The best egg dishes are prepared with a lot of care and some extra time to not really over- cook but cook with breaks. That ways, you get perfect melt-in-your-mouth-consistency eggs and yet not runny.

That’s how I prepare my egg dishes!

No matter how I may cook those; I love the running yolks. So be it any dish, I have learnt to keep one yolk (if not all) separately, at one side of the pan so I take all pleasure at the last morsel of my meal. It maybe hardened only enough for me to slide the golden globe gently onto my spoon and then plop! The orange, morning sun like, never to be spilled, considered a crime if at all- yolk bursts open within the confines of my mouth. I almost squeal orgasmic bouts while eating those. On some occasions I keep noising throughout my eating time. If in company; I close my eyes to feel the ecstasy!

“……………………………..”

I couldn’t be thankful enough for Magpie Tales doing this theme. Only this morning I had thought about writing this about eggs.

The 1^st thing I cooked without being observed was the fried eggs. They were better than how mom used to. Mom had kept screaming the recipe from the washroom while doing the laundry! Despite her several “don’t forget to”, I didn’t spice it up! She would use turmeric so it becomes a dead leather patty. She could never learn how it was to be cooked before folding. I sincerely apologize for treating these fragile gem stones as veggies that we love to kill frying high throwing in as many spices! On the contrary, my granny prepared perfect white omelet. Although I didn’t get the opportunity to learn directly from her; I prepare pearly white omelets unless the yolk is a glowing sun!

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• The sunny side up with running yolks
• The poached eggs with running yolks
• Fried rice with eggs thrown in; atleast one running yolk saved at one side of the pan
• Boiled eggs with running yolks
• Sauteed onion rings with broccoli and eggs with running yolks
• mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……!

My Dear eggs, cheer up pearly ones! I am not at all bothered about your antecedents. I am not a prude. It doesn’t bother my skin whether it was eggs or the chickens that came first!

On a heavier note: We don’t get the double yolks too often here. That’s a rarity. Finding a right sized egg is a another big challenge. The brown shelled eggs make good omelets only. It’s the white shells with glowing orange yolks those are versatile. I even layer eggs while preparing. Fried, almost cooked, half cooked with running yolks on top! Anyone who thinks that yolk is calorie laden; please check the link. It’s a mega eye- opener about egg- nutrition.

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***Submitted for Magpie Tales***

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Fallen into a Pattern

If not a trap..

An incident that has happened very recently has taken me back to a memory lane that I had never imagined I would walk again. I was all of 17. It has scarred my life permanently. Even if the wounds heal; memories remain, scars last- sometimes forever. These scar then becomes the tell tale signs.

My cooking gas cylinder had gone empty a few days back. I didn’t tell him that I needed a refill. I am tired of asking for even the basic things. It’s not booked in my name so I couldn’t call up the agency to do that either. I am still leading a nomadic life. At times I do feel sorry about this. This is exactly what happens when you are forced to lead a life of an illegal orphan from childhood onwards. Without a parental name or permanent address; it’s difficult to file for government department related papers. You tend to lead a life being dependent on others.

Often on man!

Isn’t that how our present day Society designed? It’s considered natural and traditional to paste a label of that of a man. Doesn’t matter how much you may be getting abused; it’s always respected to be with a man. Or else; you are a high flying street walker.

Instance 1

I was being forced out of my home after my had mom died. My dad had abandoned our family way back when I was 12. My uncle was cousin maternal uncle who was helped by my mom n dad both to plan out his career; when they themselves were struggling to survive. There were 2 gas cylinders booked in my dad’s name. My uncle had booked one in his name much later. The brands were different. Why I am telling you this is because the day I was to move out of my uncle’s house, I was allowed to take only 1 cylinder. The 2^nd one was of a different brand. I quite didn’t understand how!

It was a set- up well planned by my uncle. He had pretended that when my neighbors had borrowed a filled one in exchange of an empty one and money, I had given them a different brand! Farce. My uncle had arranged to place a different cylinder so I could not pick up both the cylinders. But why did I have to think of that now?

Instance 2

The blotch I had stayed with had never arranged for the cylinder to be refilled. He had made me cook on a kerosene stove for over a year. It was only after I had completed my college, so I could save what I would earn that that cylinder was refilled. Is there any relevance to think of him anymore?

Instance 3

My ex was not at all interested to be my man. He was busy playing his role as his mother’s boy! I was not allowed to step inside their kitchen so I had my cylinder operating in small pantry like area upstairs- at the 2^nd floor where I stayed. Since that was a metro city; it wasn’t difficult to get that refilled at a higher rate though. All through the years that I have stayed on my own till I committed a mistake of marrying Hemant, I used to get that cylinder refilled. My landlord would help me whenever I needed a refill.

Today

After 3 days of no gas to cook; a small cylinder that is used by the slum dwellers or by the people who don’t live a decent life style for want of money was brought in. Using a different regulator than the usual one, it has been fitted so I prepare my food. The place I stay is not like a regular metro. There’s no mode of transport that’s available locally. You only step out of your house if you drive or call for a taxi.

The man who had wanted to play my provider’s part has reduced me to my domestic maid’s level.

She is watching everything closely. The lady who has been looking upto me for her things so far; now finds me standing next to her. So do I. She could today tell me a thing or two I need to know about this one. This man has succeeded where all other men have failed- caging me domesticated and helpless.

It doesn’t really matter what age a man is- most certainly he will shy away from his duties. He could have very well arranged to place an extra cylinder at my house; he hasn’t, not that I haven’t ever suggested that to him. He may have not asked for one to his extended family either. My question is; if he has problems talking about me to his folks, why the hell should he be talking about or meeting my friends? The idea sounds ridiculous to him- not that I care anymore.

Plucking the marigolds to show those off to his dad from my garden last year- just what was the big fun really? It’s been since August 2007; and he couldn’t take this “arrangement” any forward! It’s a shame to call this a relationship. It’s a mess that I am stuck into. The transition made me see things and appreciate the depth or the lack of it. I am completely detached now- mentally. It’s not love I am referring to here; my priority is to survive and with dignity.

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Note: Breaking away from him right now, would bring me to the same level where I had started from- no place to live in. For reference, I had been assisting him with his business. He has been referred to as my boss/oldie in my earlier posts. Things have been planned; materialization of the same would take some time.

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Dawn of a New Morning!

We were more enterprising when young.

No amount of scolding/discouragement could stop us from watching cartoons or running out to play- no matter what the weather used to be. We stood up each time we fell down- while running about! There was absolutely no stopping us. Cut to adulthood; we have our reservations “reserved” about everything possible. Starting over- seems to be one Herculean task. The excitement that once bubbled screaming- “when..? Why not now?” has now been replaced with, “Is there a way to avoid it..?” We have grown up to become more complacent or inhibited; perhaps, even scared.

As kids, our “to- do” list was a never ending, always bugging elders compilation. No sooner one of the tasks was ticked off; ten others conjoined. Our parents were kept on their toes to make us feel “satisfied” and failed miserably. Almost often. Now, we tend to rest back and wile away precious time by our hand, trying to feel contented! But the question is- are you really contented?

I am not.

I have started over a few times already. Till the time I was running around; everything worked out fine. No sooner I sat back; I was left out. Life, work, relationship with men; all became stinking waste; so I had no other option than to step out, to maintain my sanity. I recognized this pattern during my work tenure with Convergys. The moment I had decided to take it easy; I was stagnated.

A few more things have happened since then which has made me believe into this concept firmly now.

This time around, when I completed a year of Blogging; I, instead of becoming laid back have grown more impatient. You may compare it with a rich man’s greed to acquire more wealth. No matter how much he earns, he feels he needs to acquire more!

Just around the same time, I had seen this transition coming. After being (and still) homebound since December 2007; I had wanted to venture out. The traveling, stepping out frequently, friends coming over to meet and spending the night over; started almost all at once, ever since I started to write. I am yet to understand the connection of my writing with this plethora of changes that have opened up like some new Galaxy of future events for me. I have come a long way from being a recluse to being as gregarious as I used to be! Not only have words healed me innerward; but also has evolved me into how I used to be- extremely unsettling and passionate about anything that I may be associated with.

It had taken a few months to realize that it indeed was a transition that was about to happen. I had recognized all the signs. It was too uncanny for me to watch that closely. There is a gap between knowing it, coming to terms with and preparing to handle the insecurities. While I always was aware of the facts, it hurt to come to terms with. I had sincerely wanted it to work out and be end to all.

It didn’t.

The “arrangement” for making a relationship to be happen, has failed. I am not the reason. I am far from it! On the contrary; I have a huge bucket of ugly experiences with him/because of him that I have been unable to take in my stride still. He may find my words a direct attack on his “manliness”; but the fact remains. That level of submission (yes, I had been submissive too), has gone dead. The revolting fire has lit its first spark quite bright in me. After the realization of the fact that it (a transition) indeed was happening; there is a sense of harmony that is playing its music in my mind. The anxiety is gone.

I am only left speechless at the surprising turn of the events. Out of the many “re-starts” I have undergone, a major and a relatively minor start over was on the similar lines.  For me it’s a double dose of starting again. One is in its literal meaning; the other, to acquire knowledge about a new skill set.

There, I said it!

My transitions always end in a new and a fresh beginning. I not only leave the old life far left; but also, get to learn about newer things while handing my new life. This is exactly what was making me go restless, anticipating the forthcoming changes. Now that I have seen what it is, I am determined to give it my best and emerge out as successful as I had been earlier.

Lesson learnt: No more feeling complacent about anything! Call me the restless one as I have always been again; I will thank you for the compliment, instead of thinking of you as being unreasonable- as I used to earlier. Apparently, it works in my favor!

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• Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

 

Snooze Tense

To be able to sleep at a time that I so want to; is a luxury I’ve come to enjoy only lately. A turbulent childhood and an equally chaotic adulthood later; it was but natural to have lost sleep over it.

Only a few months back I had been whining about not been able to sleep enough!

The last few years have been a huge façade over some very disturbing realities. At the same time, it has also been a period of healing. The seemingly unending brooding during my having become a recluse has resulted in spiritual realizations and self evolution. Not only many things have worked out; but also have I become “normal”. By that I mean like someone who hasn’t seen it all. I don’t pretend; I never had even back then. Although people have again started taking me for an uncomplicated one- lols

I still am the way I was- judgmental. Only now, I don’t let others know of it. I let them abuse as many opportunities to miserably fail eventually. Now, the things don’t affect my state of being any longer than a few blinks. I don’t lose my sleep over it- not anymore. On the contrary, I’ve come to conclude that anytime I’m unable to sleep- over, is because something may not be going too well. It has almost become a precognitive feature of an approaching and much avoidable botheration.

At other times (or most of the times), I feel terribly sleepy. Booze is out for the last 2 months. I have never been a compulsive drinker anyways. Yet those petty few pegs once in 3-4 days are also gone now. I do enjoy sipping through cups of teas n coffees. There have been nights when I drunk a mega mug just before hitting the bed. Quite likewise, there were midnights when I would have had an early breakfast with a mega size coffee mug thrown in. I would feel tipsy the moment I would sip from it. I know this is exactly the opposite of what the medical science says.

I can now straighten my back anywhere around the house and feel in paradise. I may crouch up on the living room box bed or the couch to take a short nap. I have carried on the whole of my day practically snoozing around up on the different sleeping arrangements and yet go snoring when the night came. After years of following American calendar (and no sleep even in day-time) while working with Convergys; I now can enchantingly doze off in the afternoons in a brightly lit room without any curtains! All other sleep habits remain unaltered:

• Light sleep. Even a feather floating around would wake me up.
• No phone calls
• Sleepy again by the day end.. yawn
• Feeling cranky after waking up!

Note: The term “snore’ is only an expression used to synonymate sleep. I don’t snore. zzzz

I am undergoing a phase of Transition. I realized that 2 months back. Yet, I sleep like nobody’s business. I am back to being myself again. Carefree, self sufficient and contented! I don’t step or go out; spending the whole of my day practically homebound, eating a well- balanced diet. I do watch TV for my daily dose of soaps that I have been following since the last few years now (whew!!) No phone calls, conversations and day full of computer work and blogging; I feel as exhausted as one would feel after a mile’s run..!

Yawn..!

It feels heaven like- to sprawl upon a creaseless bed sheet, stretching (or coiling as the case may be), closing the peepers tight shut, wavering in mind thoughts of sleeping away in oblivion. The most intriguing part is that you don’t realize falling asleep. I do. The thoughts suddenly start clashing into one another. The dining table would become mess or soon there may be no hotel lobby I was walking through. The celebration noise would sound chaotic. That’s when my mind jolts me up to tell me that I am about to fall asleep. I smile; hugging myself in mind, I give in.

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Related Posts

• Hypnotized
• Sleeping factor

Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Transitional Spring

This is my state of mind at present.

I could see it approaching. I strongly feel that I am undergoing a transitional phase. Simplest of the facts are making me sob. I am unable to enjoy anything else other than brooding, analyzing and yes crying! The similarity of the stances are so eerie that I am barely able take control of myself.

I have never been able to take transition sportingly! I don’t make a mess of myself outwardly, but my inner- self gets shattered. I get broken into many pieces. None of those shards reflect upon nicer things. Once the phase is on; I go extra sensitive- crying over practically everything. Even watching comedies make me cry then. Everything seems to be choking me up with emotions.

I feel helpless when in transitional phase.

Recently, a thought about it seemed to make more sense than any of it had before this. That is how I am. It is because of this that I get annoyed if someone wakes me up from my sleep! Long after I am awake, I don’t speak. No matter what the time of the day that may be or how long I may have rested; I keep myself somewhat detached so I don’t have to speak. Needless to say that my cell too is put on silent mode. Similar thing goes on in the evenings too! A few close friends beside, I don’t take calls. Maybe, being on my own helps- I know no one needs me.

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Another fact that I noticed about Nature is that it is the Fall/Autumn and Spring that colors the surroundings. I enjoy watching the season change gradually. In Fall, the nature dawns an yellowish to orangish red color veil to declare of its joyous mood. It starts shedding the older leaves as if to prepare to conceive the newer growth. It starts to become pleasant. Infact, most of the festivals too are timed around then. Likewise it is with Spring too. Flowers, butterflies and rainbows, they all “spring” up together.

“Transition” is a phase, an overlapping inter- mediatory link connecting both the to become “past” and about to become the “future”. It is a travel, a journey. A period when the experiments are being conducted. It can be also described as the flow of electricity from the nearest transmitter to the electrical appliance through a conductor. It’s the process, the happening, the actual flow of energy. It is alright to feel somewhat uncomfortable. In order to light a match, it has to be struck- so that’s fine. I need not be so tough on myself for being anxious.

It’s the dawn and the evening time of the day. It is the process of the eventuality to strike. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, I ought to savor each “changing” day as it comes- watching the minutest of the overlap closely. It can’t be a full moon every night! In between the “silence” and “order”, there lies a huge range of chaotic disorder. It isn’t black n white always. The major portion tends to stay grey. The blending has to happen or else it’ll look patchy.

As I write it down here; in my mind, all processes are breaking down in terms of Initiation- Transition- Accomplishment. Life itself is a travel, so how can the phases stay isolated? From being Ignorant to Intellect, there lies a few steps in between. These could be observation, realization, conclusion, acquisition (of knowledge) amongst others; not necessarily in the same order though.

I love to travel more than reaching the destination; so might as well now enjoy the phases overlapping time too! It doesn’t tire me at all. I love to stay awake watching the passing by serenes and take notes (mentally). There are long years of study from being illiterate to school graduate. It can’t be easy always.

Let it storm around.
Bring in some rain.
It’s become all a mess.
It needs to be cleansed!

Related Posts

• Vignette
• Transition
• My Life Song
• Walking Past All

Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

The Bald is Beautiful!

I had read this story in one of the children’s book when I was 6 years old. That was during my only visit to Kolkata (India). Mom was happy that dad had bought an English story book instead of the regular Hindi books. As much as my father versed with the language; mom was highly intended that I speak plosive English. This was practically 26 years back from today. Since she was born and brought up in Kolkata in an affluent family; she was close to the British culture right from the start. The English I speak has always been different from how it is still spoken here- commonly.

The story has stayed with me since then.

~*~*~

Long long back, there lived a King in India. He was everything a King was ought to be. His Royal Treasure was an over- flooded river; yet, it couldn’t tackle the issue he was facing then. Our Dear King was balding- fast.

Oops..!

He had tried all the hair oils possibly available, importing those from foreign land too. None of those had worked really. His problem seemed to be multiplying in geometrical counting with each passing day. A bald King was completely unthinkable of. After all, what the neighboring Kings must think of him? How would his own subjects treat him? His majesty was threatened to be balding..

Yikes!

The thinning of his hair was affecting his already shaken confidence. Would he continue to remain powerful and masterful? Would he be referred to as a King even?

Sigh!

It was a bright early summer days, as it is now here; when the Royal physician was summoned. Cotton ball clouds waved around up in the sky making it dark but with no signs of rain. The season’s first mangoes had just ripened. The Royal physician was assigned the task of finding a remedy to the King’s problem. Asking for a couple of days’ time; the Royal physician had disappeared inside his lab.

It was him then to be staying awake at nights.

A few days had gone by when the Royal Physician had wanted to talk to the King. He claimed to have discovered a miracle medicine; wanting to handover the bottle to the King himself. The magical powers were not to be lessened by passing the bottle via others’ hands when they were not the ones to use the potion. The King was pleased to hold the tiny bottle himself.

It came attached with a condition.

He was never to think of mangoes while applying that oil. The Royal physician had given that away in a whisper in King’s ear, so no one else heard that. That was easy or so the King had muttered under his breath.

The “magical powers” were directly trans-passed.

The next morning, the King was awake earlier than usual. He was to use that remedial hair oil. Excited he had uncorked the bottle in a jiffy and was just about to pour the contents on his palm, when a plateful of freshly plucked, yellow ripened mangoes..

Did I say mangoes?

Poor King, the first day of the oil application was ruined already. He decided to try the procedure the next morning; successfully. Something happened again and before he could not think of mangoes again; the thoughts of the forbidden fruit had floated inside his mind already. The same happened the next morning and the morning next to that. A week had passed without any success at all. No matter how much he tried; the thoughts of mangoes would envelope his mind in no time.

Big Deal!

The following morning, the King trashed the bottle into the bin. Standing in front of the mirror, grinning wide; he had plucked the final few strands as well.

Twing..

He was so relieved of not being cautious about not to think of mangoes anymore. Not only he had learnt to savor the thoughts of the fruit as much as the fruit itself; he had come to terms with his baldness too!

Of course, the King lived happily ever after.

Imperfect Forwards

Sometime back, I had written about the weird messages people send/forward. I believe this one can go almost as a series. Once again, their names are with- held. I really don’t want them to get (in)-famous through my blog. Let them find their own way to do that.

Maybe they actually have!

“A chain of prayers has been started to help the Japan quake victims. We will pray (and bull$h!+) The least you can do is not break the chain and forward..”

All I can say is “leave me alone; my own survival is slogging on the edge of a razor blade- let me handle that. The least you can do is GET LOST”

Yes, the contents were more or less on the same lines. I am referring to my reply.

This is what I have to say. Go ahead n make a donation. Who is stopping you? Apparently, the 10 bucks that you spend on sending that sms (inclusive of one day rent, sms charges, surcharges, service tax and misc); could be used wisely. You could probably donate it! If you think that won’t make much of a difference, then you are damn right. Our own country is slogging enough. Why don’t you pick up one of the orphanages and start donating? Once we have more people with better standards of living; perhaps more number of people would be able to help monetarily on such mishaps.

Oh well..It’s complicated!

If this was not enough to bug me; I receive another set of messages (on FB). “Pics” of the recent ceremony/function/occasion/I care not whatever. I am not referring to “uploads”. I am talking about the personal messages that I receive from time to time about some of their family functions.

• I don’t know the people captured in the images excepting the sender.
• The chances are that I would never ever get to meet them!
• If at all; I should have met them before receiving their “pics”
• For crying out loud; you could have invited me over!

That’s right! It seems those pics are “forwarded” with an intention to tease. C’mon, why on earth are you sending the “pics” when I am technically an hour away from your house on a bad traffic day and a phone call away literally?

I also don’t care about the mails like

• “Patience is Trusting God’s Timing” (I think I’m being God here; since I am taking all of it patiently)
• “BEWARE OF YOUR MOBILE HAZARD” (maybe that’s why you don’t use it- or is it me that makes it hazardous..?)
• “Latest from Nursery school ” (I don’t have/want to have kids for a reason. But thanks for making sure that I am not missing out on catching up with the latest going on about kids)
• “World’s youngest CEO – Do U wan to be ????” (Did that lesson work for you? Or have you become divine enough to forward sermons? Then again, the Gurus do it all by themselves before preaching..)

Over 10 sms a day is not a fun thing. That is from just one of the offenders. If spams (plot available, get married, get slim, learn how to speak, stage fright, whatever nonsensical subject you could possibly think of) aren’t enough to deal with; I get to read messages like how a woman is so great since she slides out certain inches (of baby) from her certain inches hole!

If I were to bang my head on the wall, the poor wall would get red in shame (with bloodstains).

I mean get real. I have no business talking about your personal life. However, if even after what you have gone through sadly, have not made you learn the nuances; the chances are that you’ll keep slogging. And I am not sorry for saying so! Whatever happened to level of maturity? Travelling to “foreign” land made no difference. You still follow the English (or even vernacular) that is being spoken in JJ colonies! Really, the “educated” lot doesn’t talk about these subjects; instead, they work towards changing the mundane! There is a huge difference between being “literate” and “educated”.

Let me try asking you a small question. The deal is that you wouldn’t have to answer if you don’t want to. So here’s the question: why on “earth” or any other place (that I unfortunately) stumble upon you; have to read 10 damnation messages when you don’t read my blog (know what, the posts are original and not copied or lifted or forwarded) in even 10 days.. or even weeks? I too write about women. You would get to read more on the other issues related to her anatomy. If you care; you would also learn about my bit of social work.

If any of you is reading it here; kindly do not bother to send another sms/inbox/forward mail/explanation seeking mail/your family function pics mail. I don’t care even if the world is on fire. If you being my friend (so you claimed till you read this) never ever did what makes me happy or feel a little better; why should I be caring about the world who I would possibly never get to meet; especially if it’s on fire? Then again; if you think I am “uncharitable”, I don’t wish to harp upon my acts or initiative that I have ever taken to make my immediate circling society a better place to be in for women. I would let you think all of that about me as long as I don’t receive any of your wasteful and unconcerned email/sms.

Now go, R.I.P. for all I care!

• Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Fast Forwarded

It’s been a year since I started to blog!

It was one Sunday afternoon, on 28th March, 2010, when I had just finished reading how some blogger loved to eat at the Delhi local markets in HT (Hindustan Times- newspaper). Her blog was featured and so was she. It had definitely earned my attention.

Infact; it had affected me more than that.

Thinking of how “blogging” had printed her in a newspaper; I had decided to give it a try. It was a simple post highlighting an insignificant open sky tea- stall. So; if she could, so could I.

I wanted to blog since long.

I had known of blog writing way before it was popular in my country (India). I would often tell my friends that perhaps I should start writing blogs. They would only nod. They liked what I talked about and I wanted to share it with the world. Things were very different then. I could never really write one.

When I decided to; it seemed I was left way beyond any learning.

Besides what I had written when in school, there were more things that had accumulated! I had almost yearned to write. The reality check was cruel. I knew nothing about the technicalities of blogging. I had my writes in place to post- didn’t know how to. The day I realized I could jazz it up with images; my joys knew no bounds! An unending phase of “self- study” had begun- making me cry while typing. I had no time to waste so while I would sob at my incompetency; I would type away the words. Almost all the posts made me go sniff.. sniff.. sob..!

How Spiritual Gurus felt getting overwhelmed with the power of knowledge; I came to know then.

I wanted to speak, to share; to communicate with the world. Like how awakening does; this feeling to share had melted away the geographical limitations. It didn’t matter who read me- as long as I was able to share. It was as if- I was wanting to become elemental like- pure, and sustaining by ownself and all pervading.

I am a typical combo of being an introvert and open minded.

This is why I came out as a happy-go-lucky-girl who only smiled. A wry, know-it-all, see-through-all smile. Almost indifferent! Often people confuse the definition of one with the other. It was difficult to make my friends realize that I didn’t want to talk! Being selective about the topics with fast friends; seemed like deceiving them. The safe way was to stop communicating with all. No point explaining because I am already in a mess. A plastic smile pasted on your face works best when you meet strangers. If they don’t get a clue, they won’t scrape. They let go of you if you hide it behind that illusive smile.

God Like..!

Been there, done that- know it all..

What now..?

My Life so far has been like a sinking boat, without an ore- in a stormy night. If the boat is to be sailed, I need an ore. If the boat is to be floated (instead of sink); the storm has to cease. I wanted to share all about that; atleast the ones that were technically done away with. While I am in a phase; talking about it is like doubling the pain. Someone knowing about what’s up with me makes it triple- folded. Sharing about an ongoing episode is a trauma.

Let me explain.

You feel excited when someone wishes you on your birthday. The same excitement gets somewhat dimmed with each passing day. Likewise, it hurts to talk when I’m depressed. Then again, there wasn’t anything exciting to talk about anyways. Closing myself seemed to be the safest option!

One day it reached its pinnacle.

Like a Universal Bing Bang, my self- imposed exile ended. I started to write in my blog a year back. The years I had spent struggling to survive, had created a Black Hole. My life experiences, brooding and words could no longer fit into that dark space. Two years of compressing my vision, had worked against it.

It burst. Maybe that’s how Universes are created.

Ever since then, I am whirling like some cosmic body left in space spinning through different electro- magnetic fields.

How does it feel?

I hadn’t seen this coming. All I had concentrated upon was to write. Now that I am here; I feel that it’s not time yet to stop and look back.

I choose to walk forward.

~*~*~

Related Posts

• Start of my Travel through the Virtual World
• Scrawl

Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

~*~*~Submitted for Magpie Tales~*~*~

The color of my Love..

It seems only right that you no more like the color.

Like you have remembered every second we had spent together; you would also recall how often we had argued about whose choice of color was better. We would reason out noisily during the recess and form support groups for ourselves, who would then scream some more- naming the colors. We would grin like a fool if there was any mention of our favorite color in the course book- chapters. We would count how often we viewed the shades of the color while running around the school playground.

At 11, I was as bizarre a kid as I am now at 33 today. Only, that I am no more a kid now. I would hunt for a lavender shade and flaunt my painted talons with pride. Being good at academics had its own twisted advantages. The teachers never noticed that it was I who had dared breaking the rules of the school!

In my growing up years I had hardly realized how in desire to compete with your feelings towards me; I had started to like the other color too- supposedly your favorite color. I felt honored if someone called me grasshopper, greenery or parrot- fairy. I loved anyone who addressed me as OLIVE..!

Did you know that the two colors lie diametrically opposite to each other in a color wheel? Alas! We could never complement each other..

Meeting you in 2005, and after an emotionally wringing experience that it was; I am surprised at myself having startled looking at that image. How the two colors (clicked) together made me think of you. Again..! Sincerely, I tried to think of everything else for the story; but I could barely develop any other thought. I see you smirking at me. This is how I am- still declaring what it is; remaining true to my feelings and still holding on to this afflicted love. Has it anything to do with the fact that I had dreamt of you again? Or is it my sub- conscious mind making me think only of you!

Today, I (again) smiled looking at the image Magpie Tales prompted us with.

My love for you remains as passionate as my fave color! I know your Love for me is no more green..

It is I who has carried both the colors as though my personal favorite. It is I who still loves you!

Somehow, it feels only right..

• Filed under My Life Instances. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Reading it the correct way!

Behind every successful man, there’s a women.. slogging her a*se off!

I know most of you may not have heard about this version. I am almost as certain of the fact that you know this ugly truth for sure; just would never admit that you do.

As a little girl, I have witnessed how my mom scratched away her career opportunities to make my Uncle, what he is today. It was only after my uncle’s entry in her marital home that she earned respite from the physical abuse. Oh well! My dad was a man too! In greed to escape the physical tortures, she had made my uncle stay with them.

What started with sharing a square meal and house, ended up with I sacrificing my home when I was 17! Dad had abandoned us way back when I was 12. We survived only on uncle’s mercy. Mom was incapacitated when she was only 30! Thanks to dad’s lack of foresight or maybe that was his good intentions; wanting my mom to remain as “woman”, when her uterus was damaged in an operation. If only he had let the doctors remove the tattered baggage; she would have been alive. I haven’t been able to figure out yet; why had the doctors let my dad play the paragon? Mom was left being so much of a woman that apparently he had walked out on her.

Mom had conceived despite all the warnings against it. That had resulted in a mis- carriage and that most erroneous operation- changing my attitude completely against bearing a child.

I now lead a life of an illegal orphan. That’s not a play of words; but my real introduction of the life I have been forced to lead. My dad is alive- so far and thinks as he stated that he has suffered more than anyone else. I am sure he didn’t have to sleep with men (women in his case) to sustain himself.. or take physical abuse in name of being a dedicated wife (husband as the case is). Or even subject himself to all abuse possible in name of being in a relationship, to complete his basic education!

To hell with all the men I have interacted with so far. That includes all the b*stards wanting to have a good time with me- in name of whatever lame words they used! If only some one can make them understand that working in the same office, exchanging pleasantries often; does not make them friends. They act pissed when I refuse to meet! My putting up pics in my social networking profile is to maintain my album; and not for any invites whatsoever. Then again, I have mentioned my social status as well in there- is there anyone who is willing to adopt me?

I have colored my hair blonde and perhaps may also be a b*tch- but they are no saint to be wanting to sleep with me!

So much so for always saying it politely. Try and look into it, even in a phrase; men are being heightened. She gives up her own identity to create a successful story of a daughter, wife, mother and any relationship that you can think of.

• Sitas would always be abducted and then sat on a funeral pyre to prove her chastity. And still be abandoned and yet again asked for repeat performance.
• Draupadis would be stripped naked no matter what! The elders would watch the show.
• Satis would be burnt down alive!
• Taramatis would always have to sell themselves off to supplicate their survival!

Only then a woman carves a place for herself in some demon’s heart- if he has one and if she is lucky, then in HIStory too!

It’s time we know the actual version of the phrase. This is how it goes-

Behind any downtrodden woman, there’s a man screwing her behind!

P.S.- What is it with celebrating Women’s Day today? Out of all the 364 days of torture we are made to undergo, almost as a *lick*, we are given a day to celebrate? Do we really have a reason to?

• As I Am

Filed under My Life Instances. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

The Garlic Shuttle

Being a Sunday morning today, my domestic wasn’t around. I had to ready the water for coffee on my own. Some noise had disturbed my sleep. What an unearthly hour to wake up at 8.30am!

Summer is already around. Mornings are still somewhat bearable. Musing about the luxury of sipping a hot beverage in cold weather, I had stepped inside the kitchen.

That weird noise was more pronounced in there. These 1^st floor guys are so restless. Ever since they have shifted here, they’ve hardly been quiet. Banging almost every door at odd hours seems to be their hobby. Muttering under my breath I went to floss. That noise was no more heard in sporadic interval. It had grown to become a constant buzz! It must be the breeze. It’s so darn bad in noon even now in early March; it feels as if it’s May already or maybe even April.. The same cool breeze turns itself like some desert storm.

I splashed my face with some more cold water. Soon it would become difficult to run the tap water because of the temperature.

Nevermind! It’s Coffee time.

What the heck! Why didn’t the maid put the garlic bulbs in the hanging basket? One forgetful, careless and deaf woman I have almost adopted- that she is. But these weren’t there when I had sat the water to boil.

“Quick! Get into the pod!”

How could a garlic pod refer to a pod peel as the pod?

Wait! Did I hear the pod talking?

That’s exactly what happens when you watch too many sci- fi movies, back to back with extra dose of Ben 10 thrown in!

While pouring the hot water over the coffee powder in the mug, I noticed some of the pods were zipping their peels on them.

I couldn’t believe that was happening again.

The pods lay scattered across the kitchen table. This was certainly not how it was when I had first stepped in there. Within a few seconds the pods were assembled as a bulb. I must have lost my mind; I saw the stick glowing too! The bulbs stood still on the roots which supported the garlic to stand erect.

“We are ready to leave!”

Crash, they break the kitchen window glass and fly away!

***RING***

My cellphone alarm woke me up. It was set for 9.30am so I would have half hour before getting ready to watch Ben 10.

I smiled recalling the dream sequence. I sit some water for my coffee. The garlic bulbs lay scattered on the kitchen table. It seemed that my domestic indeed had forgotten to hang those in the basket. Pigeons had already emptied the bird bath. I opened the veranda glass door to step out to refill their bucket.

Zzzzzaaaaaaap!

One of the garlic space-ship went past my head. I had begun to imagine things by then. Or maybe not! Almost at once, all the garlic bulbs started to spin over the kitchen table. The spinning seemed to raise the bulb making them ready to fly.

One by one, they all zoomed past me..

• Posted for Magpie Tales 56.

Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

My Failure to read the Premonition

Yesterday wasn’t a very good day.

So isn’t today!

My day started with an ugly verbal fight through cell phone messages- with my boss. If that was not enough, my domestic too set me on a spin. She argued uncontrollably!

While I was getting ready to write a few words for the Potluck Silver Jubilee, I heard a huge thud and some fluttering of wings. I discovered a pigeon trying to gather its bearing after having struck to the glass. I had almost caught it. As it never happened before; this time, it escaped. Almost as if under a spell, I went upstairs to catch yet another one!

I had almost caught that one too! It flew away escaping..

Something strange was happening. If I were to sit at my computer chair, the birds would start hovering all around. No sooner I would get up, they would settle down. They kept fluttering around flapping their wings and that distracted me a great deal. I had wanted to write but instead went to the section of this blog to delete un- attached images- thinking that would lighten up the load. The pigeons continued to do their thing.

While I was deleting the images from the section “un- attached”, am image almost stopped me from deleting it. I went back to check if that image was still there on the original post. It wasn’t there! I had unknowingly deleted the whole bunch. That image that had stopped me was again an image of a pigeon. Since that particular one was attached to a different file, I could get hold of only 1 image out of the entire set.

Needless to say- I was upset. Had this not stopped, I would have ended up deleting some more! I have no idea how the images got deleted when it was sat there till some days back. Perhaps they appeared under the un- attached group; but why?

I just don’t know why this happened at all! This is as far as I could take. I am a control freak- this has definitely set me up to go sulking- I so failed to understand why the 1st one flew away leaving some tail feathers back in my hand? The count of the feathers were exactly the numbers of images I lost. I had collected all of them and set loose. Only one of the feathers had flown inside my house.

I have one picture out of the whole bunch!! And yes, it’s perfectly quiet in here now

So much for wanting a peaceful Sunday!!!

The Lemon Murderer

I have a record of maintaining my cool in the trickiest of the situations.

• Including all the times I was attacked – both verbally and in action!

I have practiced to take deep breaths when the quake had struck this time. My palpitating heart had calmed down way before I had realized. So far, I have never rushed out- screaming- Earthquake! Instead I visit the washroom, change, check the locks (I have 6 verandas in this house), pick the keys, handbag, some “essentials” and my cell before walking down carefully.

• Calculative?
• Cunning?
• Cool?

I haven’t done any fiction yet. But would want to.

I mean why not? Writing about something based purely upon mindly imagination, whereby you take the seat of a narrator; isn’t that like becoming demi- God? The words you write would play upto your mood and appear in the exact sequence to spell a consequence or a stance?

It’s been about a 10 days now I have been thinking of trying my hand- writing one.

It won’t be a fairy tale for sure. Although the image hints at a Devil’s story.

A demon ready to gorge on his newly acquired victim. He seems to be a cultured one since he would use a fork to skin the flesh. He definitely seems to be health conscious too, since he would add some lemon juice on his “preyed” meal.

Ignore those stains, he is a demon after all, doesn’t matter if he has smeared  it all over. Some was smudged over my camera too while doing that image..

I guess I already tried a fairy tale version. For happy endings, this demon always killed the bad guy. Thus he was everyone’s friend..

No, I don’t look at it that way. It doesn’t appeal to me. It would have to be either a science fiction or may be thrilling murder mystery. There, I said it.

I have fantasized enough about how a murder be committed and in a fool proof way; in a way that absolutely no evidence is left to reach out to me.

Was I loud?

If you don’t get involved too emotionally in the act, there’s a certain technicality related to it. A perfect murder would be when the suspect leaves no clues, resulting in an utter- confusion; whereby, guessing about “who may be” proves out to be walking in the woods on a no moon light. Yeah, I say no moon; because the new moon is the next day.

If you haven’t yet figured out, I am talking about escaping the charges after the act has been committed. Just so many times I have woven a story in my mind wherein the victim flees away after “freeing” herself.

Deep down my heart, I feel it’s justified.

I feel highly vindicated if dominated. In a way, I feel she is violated. So in my fiction, it has to be a lady calling the shots. You guessed it, I plan to write about cold blooded murders.

• Kill n disappear!
• Leaving no evidences behind.
• Instead, if the time permits, also burrowing through his assets.
• And walking out in the most composed gait.
• When home, never ever think about what had happened.

If the “criminal” was cruel enough to have napped a woman trying to whatever; I feel he needs to be annihilated. In such a mysterious manner that certain anonymity prevails about the whole instance. I feel restful within after weaving the calm disposition of her exit.

I feel completely aimless after having thought of such a “story”.

As if that’s all that was required to be done. One isolated case of a brutal murder with no facts to build up any case. This may be my dark side. Or the bloody side. Or this exactly may be the Me.

On a lighter note: A lemon feels murdered if the lemonade is not perfected.

Wait, The book if I get to write one (based upon these murderly kills) would be named as “The Lemon Murderer” after her being a smooth operator and also suggesting that she is a woman. The character would stab the “criminals” with her iron fork and celebrate her victory with a bowl full of sprouts salad (as I am now) which can only be perfected with a dash of lemon juice! And no, she won’t leave any behind for a mark- Thanks!

On a serious note: first it was a pitch fork, now a murderer’s fork, where is it going?

• Posted for Magpie Tales 55. Check out the link to read some more of those blood smeared tales

Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Voice over matter

It is quite apparent that your speech gets affected by the Company you keep!

Or may be the Company you work with.

The choice of words of your vocal speech gets affected to the core. When I worked with Convergys as a Quality Evaluator, as any other work-place, we were all dependent on communicating via email. “Documentation” was the word. Any important update or any relevant Information was downloaded through email. So much so that even the printer icon was being forwarded so that could be installed on individual systems. Once connected through LAN, only one printer could take the print job/command from several connecting computers.

Why I am telling you this is because we had started forwarding almost everything!

• “Forward the chair” or slide that chair towards me.
• “Forward the glass of water”…
• “Forward the head- phones please”

My present boss talks of having “forwarded” through snail mail. I always thought it was sent maybe.

That’s not all. He says “move the screen up” instead of “scroll down”. It’s been 3 years, I am yet to adjust to his lingo.

Late last night just before hitting the sack, I looked around out of the window murmering, “The fog hasn’t posted itself yet”.

That’s it!

So much so for blogging and posting and putting up a post.. I didn’t realize that fog doesn’t post. It gets foggy instead. Well, since I had said that out loud, I heard myself saying it the wrong way- realizing the mistake.

Let me gain some sanity. Wishing you all a lovely weekend!

Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

The Little Mermaid in Me

I guess it’s the Fairy Tales that have poisoned our minds with the so unrealistic and typical “happily ever afters”. I was much like the boring disciplined girl- never wanting to hear a bedtime story. Anytime I insisted upon hearing one during the afternoon nap, after reaching home from school and lunch, I would give mom a condition- not to begin with “Once upon a time”. She would find it highly annoying and perhaps in retaliation, she would narrate a story where an elephant would want to cross that river. What then? That would then take atleast the whole of that afternoon, so I was to sleep for then and ask about it the next noon, since evening was study time.

I read my bunch of fairy tales when I had reached an (old) age of 7 years. I had brought a few folk- tale books home from my dad’s office library. A few I had insisted to buy from the school book- fair. I had to be very careful about the books I picked. I was slammed for reading animal- stories! I ought to be reading realistic non- fiction biographies. I am that one kid who has not read a comic book yet- sob 

Coming back to fairy tales, I have read only a few fairy tales. I happen to read that pigeon story in one of those folk tale books alongwith the Cinderella’s story.

• Cinderella- I had known of the story but had read that only then.
• The Sleeping Beauty- I found it highly unrealistic.
• Beauty and the Beast- After reading this one then, I had watched it on Faerie Tale Theater presented by Shelly Duvall exactly on my birthday- 15th maybe! Oh well, couldn’t find anything even remotely close.
• The Frog Prince- Despite several opportunities, I didn’t kiss any!
• The Little Mermaid- I had loved the form of mermaid. The story had moved me. I loved drawing her.

The story of the Little Mermaid

The one I had read ended that she remained in her human form and utterly silent; since the witch had told her that if she spoke, she would turn back to a mermaid. So she spent the rest of her life sitting on the rock at the shore since she couldn’t go back either!

At the tender age of 7, I could not help feeling sorry for her! I had also loved how she transformed herself to look out for her love. But how she chose to remain quiet was something I couldn’t buy. That little feminist inside me had screamed loud. What was the use of that humanly form if she was to remain all by herself. I mean all the silence and not even the Prince! She ought to have spoken up and then lost her shape and then walked out on him, if the Prince had not accepted the reality.

One other lesson I drew of it was that the “Prince” was one fool hardy man. Just because someone kissed him when he came to sense doesn’t mean she saved him. Shouldn’t he have probed further? How he would have survived as a King if he lacked the power to exercise his judgement then?

Yet another learning was that it would always be the mermaid who would be forced to bargain self.

Today while writing this post, I found yet another version of this fairy tale; the end part to be precise. So whatever version I had held in my mind  is now slowly getting released. I wonder how that pain had stayed in me for the last 25 years now. As though to almost ease my anxiety that I had carried for this long; I got to read a very different version. It typically seems that that particular end was written by some one like me, who believes in becoming divine and indifferent after one’s taken unbearable pain and in her stride.

The one I had read had cleverly removed the portion that while walking or dancing, her feet would hurt. There was no mention of the mermaid having to die the following morning! Instead, very softly it had transitioned to that often people would see her sitting by the shore- but no one heard of her ever since.

Reading this version, my mind had numbed. I could hear any sound. The screen had turned hazy and I realized I was crying.

This was one fairy tale that had appealed to me and I am glad that this is how it had ended instead of the undecided ending I had read back then or the irrelevant happily ever after. I have been writing in my blog that I have evolved spiritually ever since I have begun to realize that I have taken more than any average human being is made to. I am certainly not saying I’m the most afflicted one but the life I have lead till now has been highly turbulent. It has been nothing short of residing in a pandemonium. So to almost conclude such a chaotic destiny, I feel I need to detach myself from all and everyone.

I have almost reached that state of being in a way. I wish to raise myself so high that I remain twinkling like a star- close enough to be seen and praised; far away for anyone to touch! This little mermaid story had made me feel depressed for years. How I had read it, something didn’t feel right. After I re- read it today, I feel much at peace.

I too yearn to become Divine, dissolving myself into ether so all the pains n pleasures cease to exist for me!

AMEN

As for the mermaid, I’m happy!

• I am the Divine
• Divine Desires
• The changed Me!
• Walking Past All

Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

The Third Wish!

Disclaimer: This post talks about super- natural elements. Please proceed at your own risk.

The weather’s become pleasant now-a-days, it stays partially cloudy, sunny n cold and even rains at times. This is how it has been since a few weeks now.

This was one such day a few years back when this young couple was out playing cricket. The young couple often spent their evenings screaming after the rolling ball. It had rained the whole night and was slightly misty even in the afternoon. The guy was pretty excited since no kids were out and he had the entire connecting road to himself. Doused in his merriment, he had hit the ball darn hard. The ball had landed inside the nearby abandoned building crashing the glass down. The houses here have one wall made up of glass door and window partitions. The ball- hit had brought the entire glass down of that aluminium door frame. It was pitch dark inside.

The couple not knowing about anything decided to go there and see around for themselves. They weren’t aware of that fact that that was an abandoned flat. They would apologize if they see someone or else just get the ball and continue playing as no one’s business; they had thought. Upon stepping inside, they saw there was an old bottle crashed at its neck with the cork still intact with the broken part. It was dark and hazy and a man was sat on a rocking chair.

Suddenly it was all lit. Clearing the smoke gushing out of the bottle, they noticed that the house was beautifully done. That man on that chair was equally handsome! His face sported a careless frown as he rocked sitting on the chair.

“So, was it you who had flung in this ball..?” he held out his palm to the couple- with the ball sitting atop.

“Yes.. sorry about it.. we had no idea that.. we would pay for the glass..” The couple fumbled.

The man had stopped rocking then. He looked at the couple and said that he was a genie! He was happy to have been released after some 30,000 years, but was equally depressed since the era he was released in wasn’t that beautiful! Being a genie, he also promised to grant 3 wishes. His only condition was that he would keep the 3rd one to himself!

Hurriedly the couple had thought about what all they could ask for. After much hushed discussions, the man asked for a house in every big city of the world.

“poof..” His wish was granted.

The woman had wanted savings account in her name in every possible bank in the world..

Another “poof..” Her wish too was granted.

It was then genie’s turn to talk about his wish! Throwing a casual look on the lady, he said that it had been a long since he had enjoyed some- how about leaving the lady back for sometime? He also assured that she would be home before long and safe.

The couple had started thinking. They were pleasantly surprised at how things had become different for them within a few minutes. Moreover, the genie was quite attractive to look at.

“Oh, you can have you ball back. Don’t bother about the glass either. I can fix it in no time.”

So genie was a nice guy! The man rushed the lady into it, showing her all the reasons why she should give in. Leaving beside all her inhibitions, the lady had agreed to stay back, i.e., with the genie. The man had gone home thinking that that was no return for all that genie had done.

A few hours later and after a very good time spent together, while the lady was lazying up on genie’s arm, he happen to talk to her.

“So, what does you man do..?”

“He is an engineer..”

“Well read.. hunh? What is his age..?”

“He would be 35 this month..”

“………….and he still believes in genie?”

This has remained with me ever since I had read a forwarded email back in 2002, when I worked with Hutch (now Vodaphone) This has become my pet joke since then.

Anyone feeling bad for the lady? She now lives with the genie himself in his house!

- Happy Ending -

 

Another Froggy Tale!

For a few days now, all I have been thinking about is pigeons, canines and frogs. While I have shared some of my pigeonic stories and a doggy tail errr… I mean a “tale” already; a frog has been jumping high n low in my mind to hop around here in a post. This story has a frog as the central character, you can side- track me, although I also feature in it. So technically, we have a princess in it and we anyways have the frog prince scaring.. I mean starring as the main lead.

• Early morning wake up call
• Building a Home
• Pigeonic Limerick
• The Devil and the Dog

As all the scary.. darn! I mean fairy tales begin with “once upon a time..”; I would say.. This was when I had shifted my home from Delhi to Gurgaon way back in December of 2007. So this is a t-h-r-e-e years old tale. I told you I am in there too- so it is a fairy tale..

The place I had shifted to was a corner plot house, surrounded by huge gardens on all the three sides. The 1st night (of my stay) was one of its kind. The neighboring peacocks had decided to raid the gardens right at 2am screeching and braying for the next 2 hours. It was only a little short of a nightmare. Maybe they were happy to see me around and that was how they could sing their welcome songs.

Appreciated! I mean, it was way beyond getting annoyed.

Seems, the other day The Devil took a break from his work and had entered my mind. Remember, empty minds are devil’s workshop? So while he was working around in my mind, a thought had cropped up. “Wouldn’t it be nice if I had some small little frogs hopping all over my house? I’ll string tinkle bells around their neck and they’ll keep moving around making music..!” I am yet to figure out about the strength of that thought because it apparently seemed to have been heard by one of the frogs.

I keep getting up for my washroom visits or to sip water in between my sleep. It’s a rarity when I don’t wake up during the night. Surprisingly, if I sleep in daytime, it’s a sound sleep. So on that fateful night, I happen to visit my restroom, when it seemed something different. I don’t put on the lights. Infact, I am pretty comfortable and used to moving around in dark. I am a perfect “wandering soul”.

Something seemed to be watching me sat on the white floor tile. It didn’t seem like the bug I don’t like since it was somewhat dusty and unusual in shape. I dismissed having seen that image thinking it to be a fragment of imagination. That’s it, no sooner I had dismissed it, that inner voice had shaken me up sending me back to the washroom; this time I had switched on the lights.

What do we have here?

A small froggy- pie jumping up and down in delight to have been discovered. Not knowing of anything much, I had slammed shut the door and cozied myself on my bed. The little amphibian had taken all the effort to sneak out through the gap between the washroom door and floor. Not only that, it had taken a round tour around my room, making everything make crumpling noises.

I had asked for it.

After moving around for a while, as if to question me, it had sat looking at me. With all my might, I had prayed that it slides inside the corner most drawer since it had some space in it at the back and if tilted, it would be completely jammed! That way, the prince charming could sit there till morning without feeling strangled.

Almost as if reading my mind; it had taken a big leap, stretching its hind legs it had stepped inside. It had crawled inside the side of the drawer that was atleast 6″ above the floor level. He was nice enough to have chosen that particular drawer amongst the 5 of those in a row. What then, I had tilted the drawer to lock it inside till morning.

No, I didn’t kiss him.

In the morning, it was released in the garden with all the due respect. It still remains a mystery which way it had entered my room since I used to keep everything tightly closed, all door gaps sealed. As I write about him, I feel he must be feeling elated wherever he maybe. He didn’t scare me, mess around or even bother. Fulfilling my wish that I wanted a few of those moving around in my house; it had quietly sat inside that drawer waiting patiently for me to open it in the morning and release the being. It had made no noise to wake me up. He was darn adjusting, keeping still and quiet till I had released it.

This is how I had ended up spending my night with my “frog prince”!

I am an animal lover. I am a nature lover. I have spent my night with other than men..

• Frogs’ Day Out

Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

~*~*~Submitted for Theme Thursday~*~*~

The Devil and the Dog

A story that I had read in my English Reader lessons in my childhood has remained with me. I believe most of you have known about this one from some or the other place. I still take all the pleasure in narrating this one whenever I get the opportunity. Given the fact that I have some soft heads around me; I have done that many a times.. lols

So, here’s how it goes:

Once upon a time (as is always), there lived a sleepy slacker (the name seems so identical with that of mine). He was rich and affluent (alas! the resemblance ends here) and spent most part of his day slacking… err sleeping; I mean. Being rich and all that, he had never bothered about anything around him ever. It so happened one day that Gods decided to give him a run. For..? It pinched the entire God-kind how he spent his time eating and sleeping (and yet not putting on weight- sigh! I say he should be releasing a “stay- fit” DVD soon) doing nothing much.

After a round table meeting (no, I wasn’t there to see the shape of the table myself- but it isn’t square table conference; much less rectangular or octangular shaped table meeting, isn’t it?), they decided to send The Devil on the earth. He was known far and wide for his devilish intelligence. It was this demon who used to get inside our head whenever it became empty. On that I must say, my mind is pretty much empty! It has always been- even The Devil couldn’t stay inside. Blame it all on this sleepy slacker!

Packing all his devilish ideas inside his horns, he had ascended from heaven. He was Gods’ fave- remember?

“Hey you sleepy slacker, wake up! I have been sent by the Gods so I don’t let you sleep. Now quickly assign a task so I’ll be off your head. The idea is to keep me busy or else I’ll strangle you to death..”

“What the heck!” thought the “rich” sleepy slacker. He wasn’t going to give up on his sleep that easily. Thinking for almost half hour, he told The Devil to go and build a huge empire, complete with fortresses, walls and gardens. He had barely started to blink when The Devil was back.

“You sleepy moron, I told you to keep me busy or else!”

The rich sleepy slacker was now agitated. He could have never imagined that his sleep would be disturbed in such a manner. All his life he had spent his time sleeping. He didn’t know anything much other than sleeping away for the entire time. Thinking of what all could be done, he instructed The Devil to go and make individual wells for each courtroom. He knew that digging wells in a desert wouldn’t be an easy task.

Smiling at his presence of mind, he had tossed to the other side of his bed snoring aloud. Half a day was gone when The Devil had come back all soaked up and equally tired. “I am leaving for the day- but will come back tomorrow early morning. Be ready with a task for me or else tomorrow would be your last sleeping day on the earth.” Saying so, The Devil had vanished.

The rich sleepy slacker couldn’t sleep a wink after that. The whole of night he had stayed wide awake thinking of the tasks that could be assigned to him so he lets him sleep in peace. The next morning was the 1^st and the last ever day of his life for him to be witnessing a sunrise. Not knowing of anything else, he had started to walk on the trail though the fields.

Poof! “Good Morning sire, now quickly assign a task so I’ll be off your head. The idea is to keep me busy ………”

The rich sleepy slacker had heard the latter part a little too well this time. Eagerly and rather bemused, he had started looking for the street dogs around. Soon he could find several of those barking on the passersby. “The Devil, please go and straighten the tail of that dog you see there. Once you are done, pick up the other one and do that for all the dogs you see anywhere. Don’t come back till you are done with all of those”

It is said that The Devil is still busy straightening that dog’s tail and that rich man is sleeping blissfully!

I wish I knew his address! I could become his manager helping him to manage his wealth..

Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

My Visit to Suraj-Kund Crafts Fair

It was as crowded as it could be. The only saving grace was that it had become cloudy the moment I had stepped out of the car! It wasn’t how it used to be. There was no space to move around. If that was not all, the things were exorbitantly high priced. A bedside carpet that is available for INR800 without bargain was priced at INR2400. It was dusty, noisy and extremely chaotic. Going to Sarojini Nagar and Dilli Haat is the best option to enjoy, shop and spend time.

The 1st time I had gone to this place was 14 years back. I had bought a small cane stool. My landlady had made her son sit on it no sooner I had stepped inside my house then- something I had not appreciated. I mean, it was supposedly my find. I bought yet another one this time. A miniature piece- all of 8 X 8 inches in dimension. No one will be able to sit on it. A deja vu had also struck. I had seen that lake before too. I remember having walked down the entire stretch to go and sit on the stairs surrounding the lake. There were deers and swans around.

Amidst the whole un- organized fair to promote handicrafts, I could steal a few moments to capture myself. I have always adored Lord Krishna- he still remains to be my big time crush. So this time, I posed as Radha.. After that Deja vu had struck me, I decided to leave. The deer made its appearance to probably tell me I was right about it. On my way back, I spotted a “Women Only” auto rickshaw on MG road more towards Gurgaon. I have hung that tree in my bedroom.

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Love? Perhaps not!

While Love is highly subjective to be written about; marriage is relatively easier; atleast the discussion part of it. What’s most confusing is we mixing the two!

You may end up feeling for anyone- but possibly not marry just anyone.

More often than not it so happens that one develops feelings for the other, even without realizing about the same. In growing up years, every liking, infatuation and lust seemed to be the love of the life. Wait, that’s not the end. It goes further down with the girl swearing that she would only want to settle down with that boy or else no one.. Remember those days?

Here’s how it goes.

The boy and the girl meet one another. They fall in love soon. The girl completes her high- school or college, the boy starts to work and they get married. This is simple. If the boy comes from a rich family; it becomes simpler. Better still, they outgrow on each other and move apart and don’t make a huge noise about it. The cycle re- begins.

So where’s the confusion?

Arranged Marriages have a very little scope to none at all, of the couples falling in love with each other before the wedlock. Parents decide the match for them, they get married, make kids and their life goes on. Whether or not they love each other as in fall in love types- really doesn’t matter anymore. Soon the man gets busy in making money for the family and the woman busies herself with the kids. With her kids growing up and she restricted to her own family for the major part of the day; her own unfulfilled ambitions get pushed far behind. At other times, she re-digs her wishes and adorns those on her kids.  The rich and the wealthy ones keep themselves busy partying not caring about anything much. After sometime the so called “love” is anyways lost and then what takes the relationship any further or to conclusion is the convenience of keeping it.

Between the two, lies a grey area.

There are people like me who don’t feel for anyone, anymore. I am a little package and not a single individual. I may have a mind of my own- which may not be so easy for the other one to get used to. Just what’s the fun of falling for someone who would never be able to stand me up for me anyway? It may happen that I start to like someone and then “fall” for him too; but what then? Where would the relationship go assuming it becomes one, in due course of time? The way the things are at my end or how I am, what if he is unable to take that any further than some vested and wasted emotions.

What then?

Do I look for someone else who could carry my baggage separately; meanwhile I keep my lover too? Or do I start afresh- again?

Anytime a man confesses of his feelings for me; I look back at him.

They often fall in love with the facade that I put up. I don’t need to declare how heartbroken I maybe- all over me. Neither do I need to announce what testing times I have survived through. My smile is too infectious for them to handle. I appear to be a fanciful object to own! I have become one of those porcelain dolls that are meant to be show- cased and not played around with! Men find it difficult to accept me as their lady since I am a headstrong one- not really agreeing to give in. After having fought for practically everything that comes naturally to the most of us, I don’t have much of shyness left in me. There’s no more of a woman left in me who would act coy.

However..

They do want to sleep with me- almost all of them! Do they feel manly while taking a strong one? Probably it gives their ego a huge boost when they ride someone stronger than they themselves are. It must be lifting for them to “conquer” the determined woman all vulnerable and violated.

Yet, they feel scared.

A couple of men I have known including my ex often said; I appear to be too dazzling and smart for any man. Really now, I can not and will not act dumb to please any man- how so ever desiring he may be! I find the whole idea of charming a man a big comedy. If a companion is what you need, why at all “woo” him? Why would you have to play it hard for him to get you around? Notice how the word Love is far far away from the entire discussion.

So what is it?

The one I loved, or so I think I did had developed chicken feet. I had never really thought of in terms of getting into a relationship with him. However, when such a time arrived, he was gone like the dinosaur era. The one I  married also had developed chicken claws. It wasn’t any love or lust. Although it was a relationship before we got married; the relationship was maintained with the intent of getting under the same roof in the conventional manner. A few years back, I tried to work out an arrangement yet again. It was clearly to support my basic cause of survival. Although partly I did succeed; the major portion turned out to be a failure again. I may have come out of my prevailing issues; hence survival, but have dived into newer ones in the process. What the heck- it isn’t any relationship either! No points for guessing- chicken feet mania set in.

So I guess, it’s only the rooster that rules!

Every time it’s the men who step back, giving some or the other reason which is highly unreasonable and misleading. What’s worse, they don’t even bother to inform the other one about it- more often than not. They just stop talking about it one fine day. They flip the page over they maybe reading and shut the book close, placing it back on the rack. The lady is hardly able to locate the book, much less taking it out and flip through the pages and try to read and understand the contents!

Like I always say, arranged marriages are only an arrangement.

I definitely want to get into a relationship- working out an arrangement of both convenience and survival. Apparently, I will develop feelings with time. Why not? If a sensible man of a desirable character is doing all that he can to please me as an individual, why wouldn’t I fall for him? If a man is trying to squeeze some time out of his already set in a pattern life for me; why wouldn’t I give some of mine in turn? If I have someone giving me that big a space to me and yet letting me savor a relationship; why wouldn’t I announce about such an affair in open?

What about the priorities?

About a year and a half back, I  shared my thoughts with some of my very close friends. It was an informal get together when we happened to broach the subject. That was the 1st time ever that my thoughts took shape of words for others to understand my mind. I wish to get settled- in terms of future security. My priority is not- falling in love and then taking the stones on the way to get it working for me. I want it the other way around. I can take all the pain to find someone who fits the bill and then sail on a smooth relationship- open or otherwise. That’s it- I said it. My priority remains to support my basic survival- so I would definitely not waste time in un- ending dates just to know each other! The going out for coffees or spending the nights together has to only happen after he knows what it is to start a relationship with me. I have no time or energy to spend on someone who is darn charming however commitment phobic.

I don’t wish to keep a man with me if he has no important role to play.

I have my own priority in place. Any man who wishes to step in would have to wear the shoes of a provider. I need a man who could be one- instead of I doing all the running around to support my survival. This may kindly be not read as I wanting to not take up my own responsibilities. That’s exactly what I am doing right now and hence, no man is around. In much crude words, I wouldn’t want to sleep with a man just for the heck of it. He needs to prove his worth and place.

On a lighter note-

I have met uncountable men who have expressed their want to rather make out with me. However, they want to use up my place for the act! They say it so romantically that it hurts turning their proposal down- “Olivia, why don’t you invite me over for a romantic candle- lit evening time with some lazy drinks…?” I hear you moron, “Baby, be a man enough to invite me over to your place. I would love to see your world and make memories together throughout the evening…!” Get the f*ck out of here.

I have no room for experiments or trying it out.

Compatibility, temperament, understanding- all of that works out as long as the two of us are well apprised of what we may be getting into. It can’t be love and then talking it out. I would want it absolutely the opposite way. First talking it all out and then developing feelings for him. Then again, I can not begin to imagine why I would fall in love without any reason. Why would I want to develop feelings for a stranger? Where does it go if he fails to elevate my present state of being- that being my the priority?

Love at first sight!

It can only be an attraction or the desire to strike a chemistry. Just how different is this than developing a crush for a Hollywood superstar? Soul- mate is just another freaky term- it could be Life- Partner; “Companionship” sounds much better. We love our friends and parents because of how they have been to us. We don’t fall in love with people and then make friends- do you see that? We pick and choose to bracketize a few people we know as friends because of what they have done for us. Now they didn’t do it because they loved us; but because of how they maybe as an individual. They may have liked us, or even wanted to befriend us close; all of which is acceptable.

I don’t need a man to love him. He needs to give me a reason to do so.

~*~*~

Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

It’s pouring-

7th February, 2011- 8.30pm

This is what inspires me-

• To write
• To emote
• To put that smile back on my face

I have not been keeping well since last Tuesday. Only last night, I had to pop half a tablet of Flexon to tame the raging temperature. I am yet to assess what had caused this illness to take a hit on me. My maid had done some of her chanting to ward off that evil eye. It did seem to work yet again. I am not superstitious but do believe in occult and negative energies. May be meeting those new bunch of losers had set it on.

Like it had 10 days back, the weather had become awfully warm. There’s hardly any spring here. It’s straight summers after the winters- almost abruptly! The transition misses. So while I wasn’t really liking the sudden snapping of the weatherly temperature outside the house; I noticed that it had been keeping equally cloudy since the last 3 days. Keeping in mind how it rained only a few days back, I had almost focussed to bring some more down on this part of the earth!

3 days of prayers, reminding dear Nature how the science works (water cycle); it had decided to rain. It resulted in a scary storm of half hour with slanted rain and no electricity- remember, this is India? The wind was so strong that it felt as if would break the aluminium glass doors to make its way. I was both awestruck at the nature’s display of extreme weather changes as well as fascinated with it. The last time it rained a few days back was in the middle of night. Although my coughs had woken me up, I could only hear the pitter patter and not see much!

Anytime it’s about to rain, I break into coughs- no matter how well covered I may be. This evening, I could even smell that sweet scent in the air. So what if it rained only after 2 hours of my sniffing of it! As of now, it feels good. It’s become slightly colder than how it was.

Morning tomorrow; it’s going to be foggy again..

Lightning Desire

Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

~*~*~Submitted for Magpie Tales~*~*~

Bunch of Moral-less Morons

I stay as a tenant on the 2^nd floor of the 2 storey Cozy Homes that Ansals have built in Palam Vihar (Gurgaon). When I had shifted here in October- 2009, the ground floor backyard, as well as the front garden space had grasses as huge as 3 feet tall. The landlord of the ground floor property was clearly not looking after his place. Snakes were a common feature till one day I had coaxed my maid to de- root the shrubs and plant a few flowering ones in the front space and some vegetables at the back yard. None of the Authority Officials had taken any interest to even hear about the issue. They had wanted me to beat a stick on the ground to slime the snakes away!

Whatever..

All was going really well till the owner showed up a week back. Quite against of how I am, I had gone down to greet them. That’s not how I am. I am termed as one rude, snob and highly anti- social lady. Ask the people around the block- they would vote for it. I had gone down only to make them comfortable since they looked highly baffled. A huge house, full of dirt can do that to anyone. On their request, I had even sent my domestic to do some clean up jobs at their house. They had come with a purpose to arrange their flat and stay the night inside. In order to stay there, the foremost thing that was required to do was to clean the place then. They had wanted my maid to do their cleaning that would have taken 3 hours of her time from my place- I had duly obliged.

The real deal was struck then.

Don’t be surprised when I say that they didn’t carry any broom, brush, duster, rag or bucket with them! All of that was taken from my house. What were they thinking? Their water supply too didn’t work properly; they had wanted the poor lady to get water from second floor to complete her task! Although I had agreed to extend help in sending my maid for sometime- what all were they expecting? I was certainly not obligated to help them with anything. I could have as I always do; sat comfortably in front of the Computer and killed the day. The landlady had wanted me to believe that it didn’t matter to her that I stay on my own; since, she raised her own kids all by herself when her husband was gone to his work. He had retired from Merchant Navy.

I was aptly compensated for my gesture.

They were here for the weekend. I wasn’t doing well so had kept occupied with my own stuff- that I anyways would have even if I was fine. But then, I would have known what they were upto. My maid wore a gloomy face expression when she came to me this morning. I had not wanted any tea or coffee and so had wanted to dismiss her; when she asked me if I had seen what’s happened at the ground-floor garden. The guys had plucked the entire stretch of fully frown vegetables and leveled the soil! The lady was morose for a very right reason. She had slogged herself for that big patch to grow radishes, potatoes, brinjals and spinach, besides other smaller plants like tomatoes and onions. For the past 2 days I was unable to send my dame there since these guys were around or else, we would have plucked the majority of the stuff.

Only a week back, they had seemed to be pretty okay with those veggies planted there. I had categorically told them that they could notice me and I would take all of it away. No points for guessing; they didn’t. It’s because of people like them that I stay in my own world, not wanting to speak with anyone possible. Civic etiquettes are all dead. Expensive clothes or public school education doesn’t anymore guarantee a cultured or civilized blood. That whole breed is missing now. When confronted over the phone, they had sounded as callous as louts. I wonder; is this how it is everywhere else- I mean other countries too? I understand very well that the plot area was theirs, but we had slogged cleaning that wild mess and lifting the unmentionables thrown there by the adjoining building residents.

Perhaps, I should have understood about them when the lady mentioned that no one has ever loved her as much as her dog has! Her college going son was sat next to her and she had made no bones showing him, her husband and her daughter down, saying so. They also find it really “torturing” to put him on lease. Just because there aren’t any laws in my country, people house animals and make them poop in open. What an irony- we build houses to declare of being a human and then get animals inside our house to pet them.  Might as well let me get a set of canines and make them fill for the missing relationships in my Life. When I die, instead of people doing my funeral, I’ll let the canines tear my flesh and declare party!

I am so ashamed of being an Indian yet again!

They may have cooked and eaten the veggies themselves for all I may care, but their act only reflected upon their parental upbringing, social culture and civic values.

Note: The pics uploaded her are 2 months old images. The recent images could not be clicked.

Related Posts

• My Kitchen Garden Pics
• My Kitchen Garden Veggie Pics

Filed under Coffee Table Stories. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Universal Law of Existence

The law of cause and effect says: ”The cause must be prior to the effect” as one of the principle pointers.

In simple words; my finger can’t appear hurt before it is actually or physically hurt! This is where I tried to do a bit research with the Science theories and other laws. Precognition violates the same principle as stated above that an effect cannot occur before its cause and hence, there’s a lot of ambiguity over the phenomenon.

It seems; while deciding upon this particular theory, the law of Probability and Permutation and Combination has been overlooked.

Also, there could be Reversed Law of cause and effect as well. Like we drink water so we don’t get dehydrated. We follow rules so we don’t get booked under the Law. If I shop for enough groceries, I won’t have to spend my weekend buying those. A lot of effects can be avoided if we handle the cause well in time. Am I not predicting the effects of my action here?

A Law necessarily doesn’t talk about the effect alone.

Infact, if you study about any law deeply, you’ll also get to learn about its origin and also if there’s any room for other possibilities. A law is only an indication and not the judgement! If at all the “judgements” could be predicted in advance of time, even with certain amount of precision percentage, wouldn’t all of us subscribe to it? Keeping in mind the “suggestions”, we need to broaden the horizon our thoughts. That’s precisely why it’s called horizon. It’s an unending stretch of probabilities and possibilities.

All Occult related Sciences would cease to effect.

If we were to go by this law whereby it says that an effect can only happen after the cause has taken place; all sciences based on occult calculations would have to go. Predictions based on pre- calculations, as we do in Astrology, Palmistry and even Astronomy would have to be all put away. If certain lines on my palm can tell me that my marriage won’t be successful, no matter what and that’s exactly how it happens; how would one stand to explain the logic of the occurrence?

Just how can a prediction be done so much in advance of its occurrence?

As I had suggested earlier as well; knowing about a few things wouldn’t make those factual and not knowing the others won’t erase their existence. That way, we will only limit our scope of knowledge and its understanding. Like the expanding universe and moving galaxies; the field and source of knowledge too is ever growing. If there are frequencies that are beyond our comprehension and worlds that we haven’t found out about yet; there maybe be bigger logics already existing for us, waiting only for us to uncover our blinders.

There could be multiple outcomes.

Such a phenomenon would only point out upon the existence of the principle of the Probability! It is upon us if we use our brains to only mug up what’s in the book or question and research further about the contents of that chapter.

If

• Change is the only Constant,
• There could be any many possibilities,
• The use of the term “limit” has to be limited,
• We have to go beyond what’s already established,
• We would want to tap the untapped,
• The use of certain “law” or “principle” is to seek guidance instead of being blindly guided by it,
• If one or more or all of the stated above are sensibly understood,

There could be a probability or maybe a possibility if not many; that a few more Universal Laws may be established.

Anything and everything is possible.

• The principle pointer being, not all objects are governed by the laws already discovered. Either they follow their own course of action, resulting in a completely different unknown outcome; or, the particular law has yet not been established.
• There could be a mix of known and unknown facts in the same event or experiment; resulting in a phenomenon which is highly probable and equally unacceptable (as the case always is)

It’s about time that the 7 principles of Universal Cosmic Law be shuffled; welcoming amongst a few more pointers!

This particular law- “anything and everything is possible” may sound ambiguous since principally, Law is to Define; however, if we choose to stick to the definition, we will only miss out on a big opportunity to research and learn.

The choice made by you, would only reflect upon the development of your brain since the time we believed that the earth is a flat disc!

Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

All that Glitters

Someone takes a handful of sand and produces a glass out of it.

A reflective coating is then applied and a mirror is obtained. We look into one, appreciating our own reflection; feeling good about it!

Obstacles polish you to become perfect.

To produce a beautiful, admirable object, the raw material has to be put through lot of tension process. A diamond takes millions of years decaying and then a strenuous cutting process to be sold with an expensive; almost un-affordable price- tag! A glass is produced only after the silica sand is blasted in the furnace. A metal shines only after it’s been extracted from the ore (read: another set of grueling steps of metallurgy process) and then molten to set in some particular shape.

Simple example: Stroke it or strike it to smoothen the rough edges.

Did you notice the “striking” feature?

All things that undergo violent procedures, begin to shine- becoming reflective even! They all have a smooth surface, icy- cold corners- enough to peel the flesh off the bones and finishes often alluring the onlooker.

Our face reflects it all.

The most amusing part is that we have various cosmetic applications that can and do make us look better. Boy, are there any easy steps to look pretty? Whatever the process maybe; our desire to look beautiful is very basic. Like all the other elements occurring in Nature; we too wish to attain a state of becoming a glow worm. Try to look at the people who have undergone hardships and are not arrogant about it. Their faces have a radiance that no salon treatment can ever bring on someone else’s face.

Rise and Shine..

• Night sky- the star twinkles!
• Jewelery made of metal with stones embedded flash when light falls on it!
• The embellishments or sequins on the designer dress!
• Satin, velvet, silk..
• Light sources when watched over from a distance glows and twinkles!
• The Sun shines!
• The Moon to shines in silvern color!
• The Sun’s reflection blings!
• Clear water shines!
• Studded and embellished accessories..!
• Pearl too reflects and shines!

Conclusions:

• Our urge to look better has nothing to do with cosmetology. It is highly elemental in its existence and origin.
• Almost all the naturally occurring elements have a tendency to shine after being subjected to vigorous treatment.
• So called all “lifeless” objects shine, glitter and bling.

So anyone who has taken it all in her stride, is bound to shine and be reflective!

Producing a mirror image is not at all a simple task. The object would have to hold all its properties to itself while producing a reflective image of the other one on its plane. Although it maybe a mirror, but till the time you are glaring at it; it shows your reflection on its surface- as though it were you! The one looking at his/her image may not appreciate his/her image- that’s just one of the reasons why the learned ones have barely any relationships happening around them. People get scared looking at their mirror images in them.

Break it in as many pieces- it will never lose its quality to reflect and shine!

• Decaying to Shine..!!
• Broken pieces of Me..

~*~*~

Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.

Taking a break..

I received this in my email inbox from my Blog Friend- Kamal. I decided to share it with everyone- yet again.

Note: The content and the image are being directly replicated as how I have received.

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and 20 wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, and so the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, break fast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys thrown over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and tooth paste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went..

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?“

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?“

“Yes..” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it…“

lOlsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss