I had almost toppled over laughing while crossing that “Life coming full circle” juncture..
I had known him some 12 years back for a brief period of time. Upon meeting him a few days back; it seemed he was pressed. After half hour, he had started discussing the things that seemed to be pushing him off the limits. I was so amazed at the fact that how he could discuss such personal affairs, with me, the 1st time itself, meeting me after so long. It only spoke of his wavering attitude. Nevermind. Maybe I was right when I had said I would have been a counselor if not working with Convergys. This was my reply, to a question put across by My “would be” TL’s Manager; for my last round of Quality IJP.
He had given as many explicit details as it had taken. I had heard him patiently. His whining nature was showing through. Back then too, he would keep his cribbing nature up. No matter what precautions I took; I used to end up making mistakes. Something that never had and have happened apart from those 4- 5 months.
We all undergo problems- each one of us in our own twisted pattern. It surely counts how we present it. Anyways, cribbing and yet keeping up with it, doesn’t go well together. Yet, that was him- why was I to bother?
I had tried suggesting as much as I could think about; attaching a “disclaimer” that that’s how I would have done. Reason: I had never felt sure of him when I had worked with him, even back then. Also, it was him because of whom, I had quit that workplace. He was instrumental in playing up the role of screw- driver- instigating my superiors against me. How he thinks that I didn’t know that.
Coming home- I had felt restless. Highly uncomfortable. There were too many pointers for me to brood upon. Although I had not been thinking; I could just not be at peace. Exactly how I had felt after meeting that Kalkaji baby boy. Infact, his habits reflected upon a few losers I have met- over a period of time.
- A dark, moronic and beaten up expression
- Wanting to look for a suitable match for me (??)
- And yes.. “crying” too..!! That’s right. I have failed to understand how can a man cry at the 1st meeting. I wasn’t his girlfriend that he was trying to bare it all to me. How tricky it becomes. Certainly I was not to hold him or cajole him.
- Again crying.. sob.. sob.. sniff.. sniff..
- Belonging to a particular zodiac
- Speaking, while staying ignorant of the fact that that’s not how one speaks with a lady.
- Before meeting him on Monday, he had called up in the afternoon- wanting to know what I had eaten for lunch. I don’t believe this. How can a stranger really bother about my lunch palette..?
We had met 2 days later again. This time round, I had talked about myself. He had wanted to confirm if I would have jumped into; if he had proposed me back then. I had replied honestly, saying a “Yes”. He seemed to have given a thought over what we had talked 2 days back. He had wanted me to look for someone for him. Really, why wouldn’t I utilize my time and efforts for “hunting” someone for my ownself?
I had wanted him to stop driving towards Jaipur, but I hadn’t. That had been my 1st crush’s work-town. The memories had suddenly clouded my mind, asking me- if there weren’t enough signs for me to read that I was being so passive.
Well, he had finally proposed me- wanting to know if I loved to gamble!!! My- my, a serious upstart..!! I had given in reluctantly. I am definitely wanting to change the pattern I am stuck into. I want my things to become better than how they are in the current arrangement.
Something had kept telling me that that was not going anywhere. He had wanted to try around while on the road. I am not a teenager. I have lived some serious affairs in my post- teens. Kissing around inside a car is such an insult to woman- hood.
I guess a kiss ought to be a smooth and sultry effort, leading to more passionate smooches. Eventually growing with each passing second- resulting in serious exchange of intimate passion. That never happens traveling in a car- PERIOD. One of my childhood girlfriend had once shared how her the 1st kiss had happened in a car while travelling..!! I had written the guy off and re-acted equally distastefully towards her. I was 19 then. The same thing was happening to me now- I had as if become dead- cold.
I so don’t have to prove myself about my desires or way of expressing those. Seriously, I was so put off. I mean- we had hardly agreed to “gamble” and he had wanted to start a relationship right on the highway while driving? Maybe he would have kept it at that; yet, why that too as well?
- Same caste or sub- caste- whichever that is.
- Similar sardonic pattern of thoughts- “why me..?” (add a sad drawl and look of really well beaten up), “I am so unlucky..!!”
- Wanting to communicate via phone- I believe cell is only a mode of communicating. It is so not meant to lead a relationship or friendship or whichever ship you wish to sail on with someone. It was only reminding me of how my crush used to “luuuurv” to talk on phone. Developing instant chicken feet to interact 1 on 1- even faster than any instant (chicken) noodle available on our globe!
He had wanted to know about too personal things. To the point of getting irritated. I mean, if you were to initiate a relationship, wouldn’t you wish to know each other or explore and realise yourself; rather than asking monotonous questions? Let me try to explain it this way. You go to buy a frock for your friend’s little angel. You would- but have to be sure of her age, fit or choices before you step out to buy. However, would you do the same- while doing that for your best friend? Wouldn’t you want her to go and try the best outfits, before you quickly pay the bill while she maybe changing back, after telling you that she had been wanting to buy that burgundy tube- top?
Coming home this time- I had given it a serious thought charting out the details as I have here. Nopes, this guy just didn’t seem to be fitting in. Yet, whenever I said that we need to talk- he would just slime his way (talks) past.
Bless my vodka shots, I had called up Ruby to discuss; what I was completely taken aback about. She had as usual supported me great lengths. It seems; this guy had missed out upon the details that I had shared- about my having involved with his youngest brother at one point of time. What else did relationship mean? He seemed to be too bothered about it the day we had decided to “gamble”. We had hardly interacted after I had agreed “to gamble”. He had frozen himself rock solid- one trait that just is no way acceptable.
He had called up only a few minutes back before I had called up Ruby. Everytime, I was deciding to shake him out; I would again think on the lines of atleast talking it out with him. Although, my intuitions had kept signalling otherwise. Last evening, I had decided for good to not to interact with him anymore- come what may.
What do we have here? His sardonic vernacular proses had started pouring in through FB messages. In the same manner how he had started “flowing” after my agreeing to- (no points for guessing) “gamble”. No exchange of greetings or pleasantries; but sadistic meloncholic lines spilling more sadness than any Gothic text.
I had tried replying, remaining as composed as possible. He then posted a video too. Some junk forward that we never care to see through. I would rather read something informative- or my own Blog- should anybody say that I write crap.. ;) I too had sent him a link of my post through messages. This post talked about what had happened all those years back. Half hour (maybe) later, he called up in a very low tone. His voice had sounded brutally demanding. Hats off to my courtesy that I had answered his call despite having decided not to. He wasn’t keeping well- or so he had said yesterday. I had definitely exchanged pleasantries. Oh f*ck those greetings. Why the hell had I posted up on his wall..?
That’s it- even before I could explain that I had sent a link through messages as he had, he had snapped the call. Poor fellow, he didn’t know the “Home” would always show others’ status? Or was he viewing my “Profile”? Maybe he didn’t know how FB works. Upstart I said- remember? Or maybe that’s the best he could think of to churn in some more moronity. I had only FB messaged him some time back that “Perhaps he romances being heart- broken.. Apparently, it seems that no matter what, the chances are that he would find out a reason to stay gloomy.. If that’s not all, he wasn’t letting me talk it out.. Is this how he wanted to handle things??” in different messages.
I had tried calling him up to explain- he had disconnected me every single time. A sms had beeped saying “he was occupied”. I had had enough by then. I don’t wish to mother babies. I then replied that “he may choose to stay in that state for ever, for all I cared. I was done listening to his sardonic talks.” A reply sms had beeped “Thanks (innumerable exclamation marks)” and “Bye (IEM again)”.. That was that.. he had only poked me reminding how VP talked “Blessing me” and asking me to “take care” when all he did was planning how to screw my state of being.
“Get the hell out of my Life..” End of chapter. That’s the text I had sent- verbatim.
I had already dealt with my crush in 2005- given his trait of not answering my calls!! What relationships would he lead anyways when he is just not open to “listen”; either for his redundant thought process or even for his ignorance about SNS.
I am only shuddering thinking what if this had not happened this evening..
Somebody..? Anybody..? HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (IEM)
Refer: How to sniff a Loser