Siddhartha Gautama was born in around 583 BC, near Nepal in Shakya Dynasty. When Prince Siddhartha was only a few days old, a sage prophesied that the Prince would either be a great military conqueror or a great spiritual teacher. Hi s father- King Suddhodana, believing the first outcome, prepared his son accordingly. He raised Gautama in great luxury and shielded him from any knowledge of religion and human suffering. With time, the Prince reached the age of 29 with little experience of the world outside the walls of his Royal Palace.
One day, the curiosity got the better of him; Prince Siddhartha asked a charioteer to take him on a ride through the countryside out of the Palace. There while he was enjoying the Greens & the surrounding Natural Beauty, he happened to see an aged man, a sick man, and a corpse. The rude realities of old age, disease, & death had sickened the Prince. He had never seen anything close to this. He was so moved at the sight of such grave realities & sufferings. How amazed he was to learn that so is that happens to all who is born; & all who is born would reach an age of helpless ness- being old & then eventually die leaving all around grieving & mourning of their losses.
Further down, he then sees a wandering ascetic. Queer enough, but the wanderer had an aura of peace & contentment to his being. He looked as if he wasn’t worried of anything. He questioned his charioteer about such complacence- when he explained that the ascetic was one who had renounced the world and sought release from fear of death and suffering; and hence, such Peace.
He returns to his palace all lost. He seemed to have become oblivion of the pleasures that were at his Royal Disposal. After some time, his wife Yasodhara, gave birth to a son- Rahula; & even that too did not please him.
One night, he just left the palace while his wife & the child were still asleep & took to wandering..
We all may have read & probably even studied Gautam Buddha’s life story some time while growing up; for the benefit of the readers, I have produced it yet again.
While Prince Siddharth may have felt dejected upon learning the basic or harsh realities of life at an youthful age, he also happened to ignore the fact that he was a prince, a Husband & a father too. I am not trying to assess what he had done but only trying to analize why I am being subjected to such sufferings in this life..
That’s precisely the reason why I didn’t get dad’s proximity even though when he is alive & doing well for himself. Since I left my family & went away in search of gaining enlightenment, leaving my son & wife in such desolation, I have been subjected to similar circumstances in this birth. My dad had moved on leaving his family when I was 12 years of age, making me understand how it feels.. My own son also may have suffered emotionally; since he was a Prince’s son, I assume or would want to believe that he may not have been affected much. In this birth, I have witnessed to how my mom went helpless & was reduced to being a fake humanoid, she being completely incapacitated; I believe this is all because of what I had done being Siddharth..
Maybe some Good Karmas did balance my wrong ones in this birth & so, mom went on to live till I completed my school studies.
The greatest set- back- I’m born as a Woman.
Even though I am proud of the fact & love myself more than anyone else, I strongly feel that I won’t have felt even an iota of what I feel now than had I been a Man. I have realized my mistake & now am believer of what Swami Yogananda says that in today’s times, it is practically not advisable to renounce all & move on. If born as a Human, we need to fulfill our Karmas 1st before we move on to search for the Almighty. Rather in everything that we do, we should Thank Him & think of Him as if all duties are performed to please him. Strangely, mom would never let me read any spiritual book, she believed I would leave all & eventually give up the Familial Life!!
How I struggled after my dad had went absconding & then after mom’s demise- is something that stabs me in my heart till today. How I was forced out of my home by Uncle & then further moved on to yet another violative era is only reflective of my past Karma.
The other day some one commented that I shouldn’t go the Sylvia Plath Route- I wish to point out- atleast she made a writer of herself—Thank you for the Compliment. My past Karmas may be creating chakras in this birth; so, which Law of Karma says that I should be all giving & forgiving. As mush as I know of, more than the miscreant; the supporter of one is the sinner. By not taking Dad & others to task, I would end up being a Supporter & then again, yet another life for me to realize my mistake & try to serve my destiny. Who knows I may also end up being dumb or crippled like mum & then fail to do anything of what I can or wish to now..?
I deeply regret having done whatever I did. I don’t wish to regret again in my next life. I may have attained enlightenment by eloping from my Palace; in this birth, I am thrown exactly in the same situation for me to resolve & balance my Karmas. Once for all, let me straighten it up & get free of this Whirlpool.
Its my turn now to perish the Demons & seek Enlightenment. I have gone through loads of troubles already; now wish to liberate by concluding what my dad had initiated- Atrocities to me & mom. I may be doing very well & so people don’t quite notice the vendetta in me; the fact is, I need to be standing Firm & have space to support my feet upon before I punch the Evil doer. Not many people have supported my for my cause- I wont try name anyone here for it’s my battle against Injustice & my balancing of Karmas; so no hard feelings.
Though Buddha was reluctant to teach in the beginning, I am certainly not. Here I am, ready & roaring to charge back & in everyone’s view. I may not end up “teaching” conventionally, but definitely do something in the manner wherein, everyone would understand that what is Violence, Injustice & then how taking them all in one’s stride is only degenerative to one’s being.
Message: Very Simple.
- Please fulfill your Duties before pursuing your own Ambitions.
- Pay your Dues before starting Charity.
- Renunciation/Abandonment would only gain you small time Profit.
- What goes around comes around; act accordingly.
I would not sit & impart discourses to others on their situations; instead, I wish to show them the path & ways to fight for oneself on their own.
Also Read – As I am