"Either..; or.."

The guy you had stumbled upon came and spoke with you. “Wow! He is a man and did understand my looking at him”, you think. He asks you out; to a movie if you are in your early 20s or to a lunch or dinner if you are in your late 20s. The movie happens to be the latest flick; the dinner at an expensive and exclusive joint or stand alone as the case may be. Depending on the time spent in sharing your tit- bits about personal choices, the movie could be a lovely Animated cartoon (yeah- I watched The Bug’s Life) or could be a romantic Candle- lit dinner or Lantern- lit lunch at some Fine Dining restaurant (I went to- Its Greek to Me).

Yeah, I am referring to 2 different men; I mean 2 men separating each other by 10 years of gap in my life- isn’t it normal or at the least acceptable? Nevermind.

You tend to spend more and more time thinking about him. No sooner you see him off, you start planning for your next date. You start making a mental note of the Dresses that would make you look elegant, pretty and wanting. You would sit and watch the- “oh so romantic” numbers on your Idiot Box on MTV or Channel V. It would be little discreet on a stereo system if you are young and stay with your parents and or on laptop if you have one. The You Tube may also get a few Hits from you. He just shared his “fave” numbers with you and you want to listen to all of them. His “fave” numbers suddenly become yours “fave” too. Your “I am a Die Hard Fan of” list runs a revision and you would sit in front of the mirror gaping at the glass thinking- “How beautiful you were and that you didn’t know of it.. How silly!!” INDEED.

The phone calls would make you grin like a perfect fool that you may be making of yourself. You smile at every thing. The world is a rainbow for you. The rain pours as if only for you.. The letters (this is before Cellphones came into existence here in India) or the emails would be the next best thing to meeting him. You would read them in one go, and then go back to start to read them one more time, and then again..; as if the papers would multiply in numbers and hence multitude your pleasure. Your friends would constantly hear about “he is so special” at random intervals when the fact is that he may not be.

He Definitely Is Not. Lets see how.

The intimacy crawls in your body and he kisses you. You kiss him back and if you have a secluded space to yourself, you make love. Every touch would be ecstasy; things he would say would be more beautiful than any Angelic stance. He would be so considerate and soft (!!) to you. You would not be able to decide what to savor- his gentleness or his passion.. And then you would stop stinking..

Days go by, and you tend to get serious. You want to spend all your time with him and Marry him. Did I say Marriage? For the “grown up” couple, the term is Life Partner and you would want to settle down with him ASAP; conventionally or otherwise- whichever way. (If) He proposes you.. (Then that is) The end of story!! Actually not, the continuation from this point would come at a later Post.

Its either he proposes you and that moves on to the plane one above or you do it and..

So he hasn’t spoken to you yet and you breach the subject. You “discuss” about the “Important Topic” with him. He is more than thrilled to hear you say so; however,..

You would get an alibi or excuse and that’s just what it is. I don’t have a better One Word for the whole put up of “I need to..”

  • Settle Down 1st
  • Talk to my parents…

It’s either the 1st or the 2nd. There are no more practiced or known excuses or reasons to deny wedlock. “Useless Jerk” and “Mamas Boy” governs them respectively. The latter is dominant as a custom in Marital Life as well in Joint Families.

It would seem that he is too good for any average or “suitable” job until you head for the Exception or the Exceptions hit on you.

The exceptions being either your parents get you married or you declare him as a “freak” and move on to live. Thats exactly how it should be.

I need to talk to my parents is such a fast one. I demand to know why he didn’t ask his parents before asking you out. Did he seek permission before committing that sensual encounter with you? Wait, I am not saying that he did that on purpose; I am only pointing out on his classic ability to be selective on his actions towards you. Do you think you are as important to him or even at all? Wake up; smell the coffee. Don’t be so surprised about the fact that suddenly he would sound so dedicated to his parents; of his family being so orthodox and blah, blah..

He ceases to be a Man and the understanding dies.

The common pattern of excuses:

  • My parents are very conservative, they would not agree for you to be a part of our family; as if you were an outcaste!!
  • My parents have different plans of getting me married; I love them a lot, I would not want to betray their trust; are you a traitor then, that getting along with you would make him one as well?
  • My parents have done a lot for me from educating me to treating me when I fell so sick that Doctors had given up hopes of my survival- so its now my turn to not disappoint them- IN TERMS OF WHAT? (This was Him..)

How right and accepted is the fact that a girlfriend, so much who had loved this Mr. Alibi is the one who pays for his due debts to his parents; if at all? What about the feelings and Love with which you lost yourself in him all so very literally and practically? BIG DEAL, he also loved you back..

No matter what; the chances are that he wishes to marry someone as “traditional” and “untouched” UNLIKE YOU. He wants a girlfriend like you and a wife of his mother’s choice. If you press it hard on him/them or try to talk it out with him/them; aspersions would be cast on you.

He wont take your calls, would not want to see you; talking anymore would become useless.. Or is it you who becomes one both to him and yourself?

I wish to ask you– what is Love then; the one he made to you or the one he would make to his wife? Is that honest on his part? Maybe not, maybe never; absolutely not, no matter what.

You cry your eyes out remembering how he said “I love you..”

Please don’t, he didn’t mean it. May not be for you; for him, that’s just another phrase or maybe a regular one; at least this time it has been. And by these standards, it would always be. Dear Girl, move on..

I know only you wont.. You may fool yourself in believing that you may have, when you get along with the other guy and probably even marry him. That song that you sung together, the movies that you watched, and how he had said that you were prettier than the actress (?!) would come flying in on you at the slightest opportunity. You’ll shun them saying that you have no space for those memories and pretend to be unaffected. When the truth is- that they would barge in on you when you may be least expecting them, and then stay on to haunt you immeasurably. Just when you would have established that you were the most undeterred amongst your friends; would the reality crash in on you that you happen to be the most sensitive of the lot and that the only one affected by that episode. So much, that you never spoke about it, thinking all this while that that was nothing; when you had been practically nursing a fragile and useless hope for him to come back.

Don’t, he will only re do the whole act with some re- phrasing.

When you would have settled down in some or the other way and have transitioned from a teenage to womanhood, you would stand to realize how much of your emotions were tattered that it din’t matter to you when the other guy “rattled” the – “I love you”; when he had genuinely meant it. You would only feel for him because he feels for you. Okay, with time you would have found reasons to love him but ..

You may have been told by your friends a few times that something didn’t seem right and that you were giving too much of yourself in that relationship or to that man. Hadn’t you ignored all that? They say that your roommate is the best person to advise you since she watches you for the whole day and gets to spend a lot of time with you carrying on with regular activities of basic Human Life; and that she won’t be mean to you for a simple reason that she isn’t your sibling. In today’s times it could be your Best Friend of years or an Office Colleague, don’t you spend more than 10 hrs at your workplace on an average? Hadn’t you tell them with pride that they were jealous of you and that you knew him better than they did?

Do I conclude that your boyfriend was a selfish, hypocrite and a careless jerk? Yes he was.

Please let the fact confront you. You need it. I am trying to. The memories would stop making you nostalgic. The day you acknowledge the fact and accept it; the memories would stop hurting you. You would be able to recall them and savor the sweetness and the sheer innocence without getting stabbed.

Love happens only once; rest of them is arrangement out of/for convenience. And that’s not derogatory, that way you are investing yourself on someone who is sensitive towards your needs/demands; whichever or both and who is not about to leave you stranded at the M word. Marriage or not, he stands by you, atleast for most of the things. Aren’t the Arranged Marriages so? For all those who missed the Pun, doesn’t “Arranged Marriage” contain the word- ARRANGED? Isn’t that an “ARRANGEMENT” that you agree to, by your parents?

Its either Love or nothing.

About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My mind and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to "Either..; or.."

  1. Pingback: MARRIAGE-WHATS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? « The Governed Speak

  2. Pingback: Love? Perhaps not! | Olivia's Life Instances..

Say something..

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s