I traveled to MN after been delaying since Friday and since January 😦 (work!!). Once, I had stayed there and was in love with the area. It’s a nice place but, not sure of- if I still hold the same feeling for the place anymore- though Narang Chemists still remains where I buy most of my Medicines and Toiletries from even now. I had primarily gone to meet Gudiya (Vineeta), my salon friend. It has become more like a custom to meet her and then, unwind with a few mixed generation friends at that salon in MN; which has gone little wavered off for a year. Have met a few people there over the period of time those have been bumping over again and again. I had then lived in a shell tightly clammed, with only my face peeping out to breathe- practically. I would freak out to great extent and then come back home and wash all the good time spent like soap!! If you look at it closely, that’s the only place where I have been socializing for years now.
When I joined FB in April this year (I know I was late- but it’s never too late to start), I had decided to look for each and every one of my lost contacts. If they had been good to me with the way I am or had been; there was no reason, why I shouldn’t have been in touch. I was the one who didn’t own a cell, or stick to a confirmed place (lack of permanent address), and always disappeared to fight my things. I had kept myself pretty closed ever since I can recall. I am full of contrast; half of me is so gregarious, while the other half tells me to be closed. I am now trying to win- over my 2nd half. I feel I have lived the better part of my life in Denial, and I have my own reasons; hence, not critical about it, but now, am just shedding all inhibitions. I kept shied away from all because I felt upset walking down my memory lane. I am coming to terms with talking about that I am practically living in.
One another thing; why I had joined FB was to confess to Swati- and I did that just now (read: another post). She had been one of the nicest Managers that I have worked with. Practicality, knowledge and support, she was a blend of all. I guess, all good things come in small packages. Please Swati, don’t kill me over this- what I meant is that if only I had not been a part of that ugly skip- level; and one that had never happened to begin with- we would have worked for a longer duration. Swati was the one who had interviewed me for Quality and it was an honor to have worked with her. She had set up the benchmark of a Manager to such high standards, that I have always missed her as my BOSS. It was during my tenure in Convergys Quality that I had laughed at my roaring best- quite literally.
It’s so tricky for me to even answer a simple “how are you?”; the next- “is everything fine now?” just takes the cake. I know how to pretend and very well but, that takes a toll on my state of being. I want to be the way it is. People, without realizing or even uselessly start their lectures and advises; I don’t need them. By lectures- I mean serious lectures. I know one ought to say something but certainly not suggestions- not at the first meeting or even thereafter. People really have no idea how things are (or have been) at my end- they have absolutely no business to be commenting or suggesting- why should they? It’s like by telling how it is, I am subjecting myself to hear anyone’s redundant comment. Alas!! And so, maintain my distance- even now. I am trying to break the pattern now. The transformation is very recent and new. I am now going to face it the way it is- I have decided. I never feared to talk about my parents- why marriage then? Any one who wants to “judge”; please be my guest. I really don’t care- not anymore. And anyways, to know the nuances of an art or trade; one needs to be a part of it.
Two days back, two men had come over at my home to complete their Census Survey Form. Just when the concept of Voter’s ID card was introduced, I was made to leave my house resulting to the situation that I don’t have an ID and or a Passport made in my name yet. See, how everyday things take me back to the ugly happenings. I didn’t want to lose any opportunity that came to me after 16 years. After the Form was filled, while leaving, the 56 years old had reflected upon a slight objection- I had wanted to know that. This is what he said- “I wonder if your Date of Birth was right!” I had probed further as to why he thought so; to which he flicked through the pages and pointed a column with his finger that if that was my correct age, how could I be stating that I was still SINGLE..??!! If only they were not the Census guys, I would have asked them to leave immediately. The next minute, he had started to yada- yada his teens and childhood and how spoilt he had been; like I cared. Apparently, I shut him by saying that if my father did what he did, I see no men with respect. I had wanted him to read in between. He had left soon saying I knew about the world more than he did. He had again graced his presence at my house today. Reason- The entire Row was blank against my flat number. And he had wanted to know that why I had made that mistake. I definitely retorted saying he had filled up the Form and he alone was responsible for all goof- ups. He had incorrectly filled up 2nd floor details against the 1st floor and the 1st floor details against the Ground Floor. Today, I had demanded to look at the form myself to see if he had made more mistakes; and he had. He had filled up my details incorrectly!! I was a male with 0 numbers of rooms and was with 2 married people here. I had had enough of him the 1st day- this was completely un- acceptable.
God Bless me and keep me away from such monsters. I am thankful to HIM that HE had sent him to me again. He would have been gone after a few weeks with all irrelevant details sticking to my head and I chasing the Deptt for corrections and losing a few more years. I NEED A BREAK- now.
I have now been promoted as SENIOR GENERAL MANGER from being a SECY (Sexy Secretary- my definition). I am still receiving Congratulatory Notes from people at work and I know. I have slogged every last inch of my (voluptuous) ar*e for the last 3 years without taking even a single day’s brake, I mean Break. See- I had told you- I needed one.
I now wish to spread my wings and fly- far far away.
I had slept pretty early at night yesterday even though the electricity was out for two hours.. Had felt very fresh through- out the day. It had stormed and had rained, when I started for home from MN yesterday at around 3.30pm. Instead of home, I had headed for SN. I was in my casual best after a decade maybe. Wore a yellow polka dotted loose T- shirt with Black shorts and slippers, and roamed around for an hour before heading back. No sooner I had washed and changed, it had started storming here at Gurgaon too. In half hour it had started to rain here to and had become very peasant. Yesterday, once again, I had been starving throughout the day. Thats how it had been whenever I had tried to go out for the last 2 years now. No matter what, I don’t get to eat my breakfast. Nevermind, the rains had compensated.
Anytime that I welcome Monday with a smile; it welcomes me back to a newer Life. A lovely Monday; it is- indeed