Creeping in of the Confusions

That South Indian Tutor had one day acted really funny. Like all men, he had tried to exploit the situation to his benefit. He had known about my father’s absence. Soon, he had let go off Ashish from the Tuition classes. All 3 of his kids were employed, with the youngest daughter in 11th, only a year elder to me.

One day, when I was about to leave after my time, he touched me on my breasts and had asked that how I felt..!! I had warned him saying that that would certainly be escalated to mom. He had shamelessly declared that he would say that I had instigated him. Upon reaching home, I had thrown away my bag in rage and locked myself up in my room. Only after 2 hours, I could gather enough courage to share- that once again, a teacher had wanted to touch me..!!

Was that my fault to have been heavy busted? Or being so directly means that all men are invited?? Mom had gone all charged up and shared a big chunk of her mind with everyone in his family. You could trust her for that. I had again started studying at home alone.

Ashish and I would often bump into each other in the evening while playing. He had somewhat warned me of that cranky old baldy. He was damn right. Ashish happens to be one of the very few good boys that I have come across. Whenever I would go at his place to ask for a book or notes, he would make me sit in his room. Often he may be still sleeping. He would gesture to close the door shut and coil in his bed so I could place my books.

Never ever had he talked funny with me- he was a very sweet friend that I lost touch with very soon. Well, officially he had passed that first porn book to me 😛 He had made me promise that I would open that upon reaching home only. My then current boy- friend Sanju had thrown up such a fit. Now I understand why. LOL

He was 5’8″ and aspired to become even taller. He may have too- no idea. All good things come in small packages I guess..

I passed my tenth. Had scored 69% only. I didn’t have a Sanskrit book and helping guide to read from. I had written the paper completely with whatever hold I had over the grammar and had managed to score 60%. If only I too could score a 90- 95 in that subject like others had, I too would have achieved a cool 80% or something..

I had wanted to study Hindi literature when in 9th. Mom had completed ignored me till I had given up and opted for Sanskrit, instead of Hindi. So what? Did that improve upon my aggregate as mom had harped upon? In Hindi, I would have managed to score a neat 80%. That’s right, I still have a very good hold over the subject.


Sampada had left LIS after boards. I had again been left out. Shalu Bhola and I were the only friends in Science. Mansi’s friend circle had changed. Of course I did make some more friends, but ..

I had managed to stay in touch with Ruby 🙂 She had earlier made me travel a couple of times to Rohini; so I had known the Bus Routes. Back then, Rohini was very remotely connected. The distance from ITO, till her place was of 2 hours, in a bus. I (once again) thank Ruby that she had made me worldly wise.

A little opposite than my mother’s thoughts, she had always believed that everyone ought to be completely independent. Not that my mom didn’t support the same idea; she was too careful to be doing anything to achieve that. I had liked that difference instantly. Little did I know that she and her ideas would soon sail me through some very big and ugly mile- posts.

I had traveled to her place to celebrate my birthday with her. Clearly, I was getting more than attached with her. She was as if my soul- mate.. I used to refresh myself meeting her. A complete year had gone by missing her..


This was after my 11th standard exams. At home, my uncle had only wanted to get me married off. It had become difficult to stay at home and yet be at peace. He had brainwashed my mom completely.

I had no friends around. Had stopped going out in the evenings to play. None of my friends too visited my place. I didn’t watch television or read comics. I didn’t even sit hooked up to telephone. I was doing the way I was being dictated- what else did they want?

One night, mom had kept me awake the whole of night, lecturing me! I was to get ready for school at 6.30am. At 5.30am, she had wryly asked me to doze off. Mistakenly, I had tossed aside thinking she would let go off me; when she had threatened me that just what could I do in retaliation anyways? She had as if instigated me saying that if I thought of leaving my place and elope- I should try doing that as well. And she would see- what better plans I owned for my Life..

More than feeling hurt, I had felt as if she had challenged me. Why was she considering upon getting me married off since a year then? She had kept me awake the whole night, making me listen to why I should have gotten married off within a couple of months. I had had enough.

I had decided- I would leave; the same morning.

About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My Grievances, My mind, Our Society and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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