The one thing I have developed to do more often and heavily now is Sleeping.. So what? Isn’t that supposed to be a part of Daily Routine?
Yes and No.
Yes, as in obviously; No, because things were very very different for me. After 1995, I have been stormed with a cycle of events which still is on- however, I have now become just plain indifferent.
- My Mom’s Demise
- I being thrown out of my Home
- My staying over with a Loser
- Complete my TD while staying with him, fend for both and take all the crap.
- Getting a Job
- Yet, panic about settling down soon
- Definitely, dumping him
- Couple of flings..
- An offer of an affair that I turned down after exploiting the situation (and keeping an ugly memory of the event)
- A few baseless “friendships”
- Meeting Hemant
- Settling Down with Hemant
- Again being thrown out of my home; or was it?
- And realizing that that relationship was futile
- Walking out of the relationship
- Starting my SOLO Life- all over again
- Getting tangled with my Flat mate..
- Nearly escaping my death a few times
- Getting rid of her
- While I staying in the confines of Guest House for months; locked up in a room..
- And My stuff locked up at her place..
- A few more things locked up at an unknown place. Hemant had made arrangements for my stuff that was left with him and I could not collect them since I was occupied with this new issue.
- Trying to work and balance the whole melodrama till I successfully shifted out all my stuff from both the places in November- 2008
- It has taken almost a year to be able to bring myself back-
- Never ever be dependent on anyone..
- With my kind of situation; one better be ready to compromise often. The only choice I have is either I keep getting hurt and smile like a fool being in a relationship; or accept whatver is available and definitely not compromise on my dignity.
- The Big Morality Question- Is that a right thing to do? The Society has never been helpful in resolving my affairs or support my stand; now, I don’t even give a damn..
I am left completely alone:
- I am enjoying my state of Bliss.
- More often than not; it’s because of the close people group that I have found myself rowing in a soup.
- My attitude- vindictive.
Am I happy?
I am sleeping over without being worried about getting beaten up in the morning. I am not scared to slog myself like a menial. I am not conditioned to crib my saga over to the prospective Groom and subject myself to his Judgements either. I don’t wish to be fake to him. Neither do I wish to convey my state of vulnerability by discussing my PAST.
And hell.. its PAST; gone.. Nevermind.
I now live like a Queen. Worrying only about how much sleep I would be lost in, everyday. I am trying to make- up for all the lost years’ nap, peace and solitude. I am tired of worrying over others’ carelessness and in desperate attempt to be a part of some family. I have lost my precious years in tidying up mess created by others; now, trying to re- color the monotonous sketch of chaos and catastrophes.
And I am so restful most of the times. At other times, I do get into retrospection. Yet, some other times, I wonder what next..
Oh, and I am already sleepy.. And wish to wake up to a very happening and carefree Life; once for all..