Be my “Friend”

Introduction: I had created my profile in one of the SNS, just without much thought. One day as it so happened that I received a fat email someone wanting to befriend me. I had accepted that stranger request only to regret later. No major damages; except for some brain damage thinking about his choice of lifestyle and wanting to force the same on me.
He had problems talking to me about his work. Had no time to meet. Upon much insistence I had met him for half hour one day. I HAD INSISTED. He hated meeting at public places. He did not have a place of his own.. All he did was cried upon that 2 other girls had walked out on him. He had wanted to know all details about me. WHY??
He had also wanted to know my vital stats (aah) and also if I fantasize (how so typical of the desperate losers)!! Oh, but he was damn ready to commit (to a cyber friendship.. what’s that? How does that happen?)
After some irritating chats (vital sttats, fave color.. fantasy.. crap..) I had sent him this mail on 10th February, 2009 to be precise.

ME

Click on the Image for Bigger Scale

Wanted you to know what I felt:

You want to enjoy being a man without paying for it..

  • You want a open relationship.. So, be prepared to get multi-timed by the 1 who agrees to this arrangement..

U are asking for what only exists in a committed relationship..

  • The values like longevity, sustainability, thorough understanding etc. are rules of a committed relationship & not of just bed partners..
  • They (these “friends”) do happen to exist in your life other than your free time as well..

Commitment doesn’t mean essentially a conventional institution or marriage in simpler words..

  • It means a lot more than the actual orthodox meaning of being loyal to only one..
  • It means sharing, caring & bonding as well..
  • It means to expect & fulfill the other’s expectations..

And..

  • With time, in all relationships, expectations do develop & so does emotions..
  • You tend to feel for your pet too.. Who doesn’t talk to u or laugh with you or share your views even..
  • Here, you would be interacting with a human like your own self just with a different body maybe..
  • & Whatever you said, based on that, if you cut your relations short when this stage happens, its called being a womanizer & you would hurt them as you yourself were were in the past..
  • Anyone who doesn’t feel for a woman is termed as a womanizer..
  • & thats where woman also dont feel for them..

Update your Profile..

  • Please don’t confuse girls or women by saying you are seeking a friend, this is the most loosely used term for describing all created relationships except for an actual friendship..
  • There you don’t need to harp upon this word..
  • It would be lot easier if you mention that you are seeking an open relationship without attachment or commitment..
  • You would save a lot of trouble for yourself & for women too, if you really care about them..
  • Your behavior is very much understood by the fact that you di’n’t bother to even drop a casual Hi, not that I was expecting any but then, that would have reflected on your mannerisms & understanding of Human Relationships..
  • Please don’t care to reply since I don’t want a chain out of this mail.. As you dint want any further conversation even in the name of courtesy..

ROHIT

hi,

hope u are fine. well there is no need for me to update my profile. let it be how it is. but then maam certain things you will not understand may be i might not be able to explain that to u. you are right in your obeservations and it is okay even if u are harsh and understandable. but it is okay no cribbing on my part. but as friends we can interact over mails.so far as certain things are concerned that is why maam i was keen on knowing certain things.hope u will understand me.

ROHIT

hi,

i have deleted my orkut account but could not delete my ibibo account so if you know pl tell me how that can be deleted and i will do the sam asap. actually it is not my cup of tea to indulge in such activities but i was never there with marriage in my mind. was looking for a friend that i agree but would have liked to move with her as per her wished and would not have liked to raise certain issues if i had found her to be not so comfortable. but maam in your case you kept asking certain things and after initial exchange one tends to deviate this u will not understand but i do not blame u. everyone deals with issues with his or her perspectives and this is fair.

ME

Dear,

I def understand you very well.. No complaints.. Since I promised 2b a frend & help u understand women, I wrote that mail.. No intentions to hurt u, its the reality that is bitter & not the selection. I wd hv def wanted 2 spend time with u.. without putting u in any spectrum, I mean passing judgement.. Let me knw anytime u need a frend.. Im always there 4u..

Love

ROHIT

hi,

i never said i do not want to be friends with u and i know you can explain certain things to me better than anyone else knowing your understanding nature. i have always been neutral in life not showing any emotions whether in happiness or sadness. so it is ok whatever happens no complaints at all.

bye

ME

I tried to be as understanding & accomodating as possible.. My mistake definitely.. You should have refrained from continuing the line of chain or conversation for that matter.. Could have just left at it..

I feel that I have been too much accepting.. I dont wish to anymore..

Respect the fact that here, I could have pointed out wrongs in you & would have shifed the onus.. I dont have anything to comment on you since that would require a lot of time & thoughts to be spent.. I dont have to settle any case against you, I dont know you that well neither do I wish to..

You kept saying the other 2 walked out on you.. at this rate, everyone would..

If you feel you were attacked, your line of thoughts initiated the same act in my mind too.. I only reacted..

However, I dont think you are even worth enough to be remembered as a mishappening.. you dont deserve any space in my thoughts..

Please, do keep out..

Good Bye

Click on the Image for a bigger scale

He was offended to say the least. However, after a few more Chats, Sorrys and irritating pursuation, I sent him yet another mail. He had so wanted me to CHANGE him. On 26th March, 2009, I wrote:

Hi Rohit,

I have tried not to be too explanatory lest it seems that I am criticizing about your choice of leading your life. Yet, I am being candid.

v     You haven’t written any mail either. I can only make efforts if you absorb & then try reciprocating which you haven’t so far. But then, since you are not so close to me, I don’t expect or want you to change either. I cant & don’t wish to take initiative every time.

v     I want a man or woman (friend) in flesh, bones and blood and not on my Computer Screen only. For me, Friend is a Social Cause & not a Subject On Mail.

v     Communication on computers is only if otherwise is an impossible task, which is not in our case (or may be it is actually).

v     This way, this is the farthest I could come.

Certain things that you have repeated a few times; hence I take them as your Essence. This is what I feel for those.

v     Everybody needs someone in life- I agree, however, I only want an alive human who could be a part of my life and shares some portion of it with me.

v     I don’t have time at all- That speaks of your priority. Which means relationships are not so for you. Which is all right but not fine with me.

v     Willy- Nilly I don’t want to get into…- Fine, but when you are being so cautious that you don’t wish to bend not necessarily for Getting Into It, but actually for leading an innocent relationship, then why should I?

For me,

v     Relationships matter the most.

They are to be lived and maintained. Socialization makes that happen. Most importantly, they need to be out of the CYBER SPACE.

v     Computers mean work to me.

It’s only a mode of communication and not the substitute of Socialization and Relations.

v     The only middle way is..

My Friends and Relationships can Communicate (and that’s not Socialization) with me on Computer, however, not at all the other way round.

Regards

That’s not the end of it. A couple of days later, I received yet another mail on 31st March, 2009-

ROHIT

Click on the Image for Bigger Scale

They say as long as, atleast 1 person cares for u life isnt a waste.. So, When things go terribly wrong & U feel like giving up… Plss remember im there for u. If you are a chocolate you are the sweetest, if you are a Teddy Bear you are the most huggable, If you are a Star you are the Brightest, and since you are my “FRIEND” you are the “BEST”! Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out…but to see who cares enough to tear them down….. The only people u need in ur life are the ones who have the guts to do so.

what do u think abt this thought?

ME

They say as long as, atleast 1 person cares for u life isnt a waste..

Depends on priority because more often than not, you live your life for yourself.. and I don’t have anyone with me, yet I don’t consider it as a waste..

So, When things go terribly wrong & U feel like giving up…

Actually I never do, and have dealt with it on my own always..

Plss remember im there for u.

I hardly know you; so such strong statements really are not at all relevant here..

If you are a chocolate you are the sweetest, if you are a Teddy Bear you are the most huggable, If you are a Star you are the Brightest,

Nice words but again highly ir- relevant

and since you are my “FRIEND” you are the “BEST”!

Thank you for nothing.. We are not friends..

Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out…

That’s right, I do, that’s exactly how I like it.. People around, I find are highly insensitive to my thoughts & feelings, & the ones who do care, are the ones so close that we don’t communicate on such subjects..

but to see who cares enough to tear them down…..

I call it intrusion.

The only people u need in ur life are the ones who have the guts to do so

I actually don’t need the ones who want me to change.. I value my individuality the most..

If anything needs to be changed, then it’s the attitude of the other one to exercise their arrogance in name of Dare do..

what do u think abt this thought?

I don’t wish to communicate anymore with you, please do not send any mails or sms.
The other day when I mentioned while chatting- that one of my friends is online, you blew it out of proportion assuming that I was sharing your chat lines with her.. & it was completely baseless; you dint even check before declaring your displeasure in as many words..
Likewise, I just didn’t appreciate sharing my email Id with the people who I don’t know personally.

Yet another email from Rohit:

hi

really sorry because i just made a mistake. i did send ur id to someone unwittingly but it was just a mistake. will be careful in future. you are right in whatever u are saying. but just could not care to see that my action would have this unintended consequence please excuse me. and out of two other id one is mine and the other one i will ensure deletes it at once.

i tender my apology and you also ignore it. it is a request. hope u will write back. will be careful in future.

bye take care

Several times thereafter, he had then messaged me if he could start over again.. Thanks. But no, thanks..!!

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About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My Grievances, Our Society and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Be my “Friend”

  1. Sam373 says:

    Oh response: An insecure man looks for a female to stroke him in more than one place and way. A Man looks for a Woman to complete him in every way!

  2. Sam373 says:

    http://wp.me/pBKhv-3v

    Olivia, simply BE…

    We are Kindred Spirits (Souls to you).
    If you write a blog on Gender Confusion; the product of “Mal-Socialization”, not Male Socialization. We can post on your blog and my political blog (thegovernedspeak.wordpress.com). We need a constitutional amendment to the Bill of Rights? What a shame.

    • Olivia says:

      Hey Sam,

      I am not sure if I know about the laws of your country- but my country (India) too has big holes in the Judiciary system. The situation is so bad that I am unable to get a lawyer to fight a case against my father who had abandoned his family – me and my incapacitated (by him) mom to marry yet another woman while he was “legally” married to his wife (my mom)

      I sincerely wish to press charges against him for the entire Society to take notice. I wish to create as much awareness even if it takes to ammend laws- which is definitely required.

      Wish me luck!
      https://oliviasbiopiclog.wordpress.com/2010/04/05/httpswww-lawguru-comanswersquestion/

  3. Slamdunk says:

    Good grief–he did not score any points with that exchange.

  4. John E Tripp says:

    Strangely that is what I expect in a woman. Nothing wrong with that or features of a Tom boy! Heck my wife has better looking muscles than me! If she would have been too easy I would not have wanted her. John

  5. John E Tripp says:

    I understand where you are coming from, Olivia. There is a big difference when it comes to just human’s. You happen to be a human with morals! And different as may be that is a good thing! There are humans with morals looking for the same in each other. After being married I never thought or even imagined that I would marry again, much less have a three year old daughter at 55. I don’t really know which way you will go but I do see your heart search and you are still much younger than I. The first time I took my (wife to be hand) it was cold like that of a mannequin is a clothing store window. (Not that I dance with mannequins)! From the day I met her until now I have not wanted anyone more! I expect good for you also, but not from a chat. I believe he will come to you through your friends and your inner circle. John

    • Olivia says:

      You just said it. My point exactly. Cold match making is like picking up objects from the gallery.
      About you, that’s just so sweet. Things happen only in certain manner and not just like that. Chat may be a media to “find out” and not a way of holding a “relationship”. I have been more open and straightforward when it comes to relationship with the opposite one. Clearly speaking my mind or heart- whichever. Most of them may feel that I maybe a Tom Boy; the fact remains I can’t act demure, shy, coy with everyone. There has to be certain degree of familiarity or connectivity to feel that way..

  6. John E Tripp says:

    This on-line date’s game is for losers. After my first divorce seemed the direction to go. I have never had luck there. Only helping my sister in-law finds someone after she helped me meet her sister. And meeting her sister was long and timely, not easy and lasted for 6 months chatting online to Vancouver BC Canada. I also have never known India’s people to marry outside their race. Possibly because I have not looked close enough. And Olivia you would be a challenge for even the best of men! You both would need to bend the rules just enough to be compatible. There are men looking for someone that does not just want a POA, so you are in luck there. Hey, I uploaded WordPress.org to my server and able to use the tools much better with better templates and even use CS5 Dreamweaver. Took me all day to understand how but much better to come now! I just got it going so will be that and other templates to fill, Many More! Thanks, John
    http://appliancepartsseabreeze.com/wordpress/

    • Olivia says:

      Hi John,
      The whole concept irks me. I can only chat if I know someone. I can not chat TO know someone. So not me. Aren’t we humans, with set of emotions, demands and needs (too- if I may)
      Yup, it’s completely ridiculous..

      Congratulations on your WordPress.org, will visit tomorrow sometime. All the very best- working with the new found wizard.

      Oh and coming back to- “And Olivia you would be a challenge for even the best of men!”
      I guess I am somewhat aware of that. That was one pretty close observation.. 🙂

  7. Sampada says:

    Hahaha typical man………

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  12. Did I miss something here? How did he find you? Saying I dont think you are even worth enough to be remembered as a mishappening.. you dont deserve any space in my thoughts. Sounds like something you would say. I guess in my spare time I should read all the e-mails. I just rapidly read your comments. Hard to keep up, Sorry

    • Olivia says:

      Oh.. I made a mistake of misunderstanding his friendship request. Since instead of a typical friend request alone, he had send an elaborate email.. I thought that maybe he was the “genuine” types.. and accepted him as a connect..
      Maybe I look oh so naive… damn..
      arrrgghhhhh

  13. Paras says:

    The best part:

    I dont think you are even worth enough to be remembered as a mishappening.. you dont deserve any space in my thoughts..

  14. Olivia, you know this happens. You and I know it is sad so many people with hurts and pain. They are looking up to you and desperate for answers. They see your strength of what was and what is now in your life and they also see you as the Goddess of Help! There is no way to forget the past (That I Know Of ) so trying to understand us just like you have done yourself trying to recover from what has damaged your life’s past will be difficult. Maybe just short, simple and sweet answers about how you became found and were able to learn from your past, Looking at your life’s story does in fact strengthen me, but beyond that, your hands full! Short and Sweet, Super Girl!… John

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