How to sniff a Loser

Disclaimer : The choice of words is not mine. Thanks to the contributors! A minuscule example of what all creatures float in the same space as we do!

A few questions that I have been asked by all losers.. even before a first date could possibly happen. They may or not have all ended in affairs; however, they would most certainly had in an ugly one had I not recognized the signals. These men were scattered all across the line:

• Younger than Me, “inexperienced”
• Same age, “inexperienced”
• Younger than me, married with a kid
• In teens- not married, experienced
• All of them very well educated
• ..And belonging to respectable families..

 

 

Exactly, I was 19, when an office colleague had wanted me to speak with some Sandeep over the phone. He had at once wanted to date me since he was bored of the other one 😀 He had wanted me to get my skirts alongwith.. Needless to say, I had not; ever met or even spoken with him again.

Listed below are few questions and pointers which if ever shot at you should tell you to run away immediately or else, they would cling to your skin like a leech. While a single question may be out of curiosity or as a matter of query; most of them are suffice (to signal) even when asked in singularity (without any other questions).

• Are you a Virgin?

The classic of all. I have been hearing this one ever since I was 19; I am 32 now. A sure shot pointer telling me to jog miles away from the flea. More often than not, any man if REALLY interested in you, would want to meet you and not play Truth- Dare over phone or chat. How about discovering it..?

Let me try and answer this without being defensive. If no heterosexual man is a virgin (after a certain age), how can a woman be? Aren’t we a part of the same Society..??

Unfortunately, even Facebook has an application that makes you answer different questions about your contacts- one of the questions being this. I mean what is the big idea..?

• Your vital- stats..?

And what’s your size..? I want a “certain” inches, non- stop for the next half hour.. And then cuddle me up for an immediate repeat..

• Do you smoke?

Hell yes, I can put the chimney to shame.

• Do you booze?

And what made you think I don’t- you caveman? I was nursed with Vodka Bottle instead of milk bottle till I was 7 (I learned to stir cocktails out of it thereafter..)

• Ever enjoyed sex on phone?

Never savored an opportunity.. I could never lift the mouthpiece, my hands were full.

• Do you fantasize?

For crying out loud, it’s you who get the wet dreams. Thank you.

• Have you been in Love?

How so old- fashioned. I only love diamonds. Do you have any to spare?

• Do Lesbians exist..?

Any man who doesn’t know about homosexuality, has no right to be a part of this Society. He should be sent to exile.

• How often do you …?

Say what again..? Really now. Stop chatting and ask him to dial s*x-on-phone- right now.

• I want you to teach me everything..

Bloody b*astard of the n-th order, how can I till you really meet up so I hit you where it would hurt you the most.

• I have no time, let’s stay in touch over chat. I’ll help you whenever you need any

I need that right now. Immerse yourself in that man- hole and never emerge there from..

The other equally moronious questions; but not limited to are:

• What turns you on..?
• Do you like it rough..?
• Do you play kinky..?
• Ever tried 3- some or an orgy..?
• How about being with a Heavy weight wrestler..?
• What are you wearing right now..?
• You have a web- cam? (even when he had known you personally and visited your latest Album/Gallery)

~*~*~

More often than not, these losers will love to chat. They so much make the cyber- space their comfy- zone. They would shy away from talking on phone or even meeting. That’s yet another sign that you remove him from your “friend-list” and block him- the first thing.

Yet another ex- colleague wanted to “take me” out the same Sunday evening itself when he was supposedly in US travelling back in my country only after a few months. I do not know whether he was on Mars or Jupiter (as he said) or floating in the space ever since Jupiter was hit..