Matrimonial Match Making

So I did tell you that I dated two men on Saturday– Make that 2 Blind Dates, back-to-back. Wait.. Don’t jump onto any conclusion- yet. I haven’t been able to reach one 😦 myself.

Evening of my birthday, my cellphone rang, I missed the call and again. Till I answered and promised a callback.

I did call him back. He said he had picked up my profile from a Matrimony Site (really???). I had kept my profile hidden- how could he have viewed it then? I had also registered with Naukri.com. (I may have registered with all such sites..) Why only that site of all?

He runs his own consultancy with a big name (need to validate his connection). I do have his pic sent from his official ID, I do need to check if he had sent that instead of requesting his accomplice. He came across my profile with the Jobsite. The similarity of both of my profiles had clicked to him (really?). He went back to the M site and checked that he had “shortlisted” my profile there too. 3-1/2 weeks later he decided to call me up.. Was that intentional? My DOB is mentioned at both the sites (obviously); yet, he didn’t remember..

Only two days back, an ex- colleague had wanted to “take me” out while he was in US himself (or was he?).

Lets call this guy Negative.

Read on to find the choice and the reason of such, out by yourself.

His opening lines were- if I was looking for someone within my community- nopes (not at all). He had then started to rant his credentials when I had interrupted him. I have led my BPO life and am over with it. Talking on the phone was out. He did insist meeting me the same evening. It was already 8pm. I had politely declined. It had rained heavy. Puddles had changed into mini-ponds. I was not so enthusiastic about Pond shower; curse me.

Since he had viewed my pic; to be on the ‘same page’, I had insisted that I see his pic too. He seems to be carrying a mourning look. As if he is eternally tired of everything..!! 😦

Nevermind. He asked me if my answer was “yes”. What was the question again?

~*~*~

We planned to meet on Saturday. How courteous of him to have called me up in the day-time, to fix up for a time in the late afternoon- same day. Even though that I had wanted him to travel to Gurgaon (remember, I am a girl, chivalry and all that?); I had then ‘agreed upon’ to travel to Delhi. He had called me to his place. Wow..

The 1st man ever to have invited me over to his place. So far, all of them had wanted to come over to my place, for a nice romantic candle- light dinner and lazy drinks. Yeah. Why not..?

I can now openly boast about my ability to pre- judge. There was a certain degree of confusion in his spoken language but he wasn’t fooling around for sure. If only he knew what he wanted. He had kept wanting to know if my answer was “yes”. To?? While I had said ‘yes’ to go over to his place for the meeting; he had sadly made a mention that I hadn’t said a “yes” yet.. To what again? He had tried explaining that he wasn’t too keen meeting at a public place to discuss about Matrimony. Emotions may check on our faces every now and then and we may end up making a spectacle of ourselves.

Whatever..

I had dressed up Lady in Red- complete with a red lipper. No points for guessing. Red CD matted with talc and then finished with a nude glitter and matted with tissue. Perfectly reddish burgundy frosted and yet muted shade to caress my pout. I guess I have a fetish for red lippers 😀

(The pic here is the one that was clicked on 12th August. This was exactly how I had dressed up)

I anyways didn’t want him to get any false impressions- whatsoever. I had met him over exactly the way I am. I don’t deceive people. Not for anything. So far, not done that.

Reaching his place in South Delhi; I recalled of what I had dreamt of only two nights back. I walked through the dirt puddle and climbed up the stairs. My red handbag was also clutched. I had already told him that I didn’t want to meet his parents yet, over the phone. Why would I? I mean, I didn’t want any confusions. I was to meet him 1st. Parents would only come in if I take that any further- right?

He had told me that he was 6′ tall- wow, he was.. Was Dark but 0.1% better than his pic. Great physique, no paunch. He maybe a non- smoker too. I don’t date the chimneys anyways. They are good to be gracing the Factory tops.

His house is a small accommodation how MN backside plots are constructed. Gallery converted to- Barely left with any space after the placement of (double) bed into a house. Matchbox opened up, railway boggies, Cuboid cut into cubes.. The accommodation was his own. Parents stayed separately. The guy is half Bong; can’t speak the language though. What a shame.

He had made me sit on the leather sofa seat and offered a glass of water. Not even a soft drink or a juice?? No refreshment along with!! Oh and what was my answer again.. he was waiting for my “yes”.

Getting no “yes” from me, he had gotten up to prepare tea- I said that I was hungry. He asked if he should cut some fruits. “Paneer hai- banane ka mann nahin hai” (I do have some cottage cheese in house but not in mood to fix anything.)

“Don’t expect me to either…”, was my reply. Right, in my mind only.

No, he didn’t offer to go out or Order in. So, was my answer- “yes”? I decided to ask about “what”. I did. He seemed to be put off. Alright, so was I. I had already made it clear that I wasn’t looking forward to settle down in the conventional way anytime soon. And the unconventional way also needed to be checked out about a hundred times before the actual process. He had supported that without any apprehension- now what then?

He wasn’t explaining it either. I did all sort of probing. Both the open ended, close ended and anticipation peeping ended alongwith curiosity mixed ended- however, his question remained inconceivable. The more I asked; the more he fretted. He then had wanted to sit on the same seater.

Very well- I thought. I picked up my bag and gift packet to keep aside; he cared not much. I had seated them back at their place. This is what I concluded out of this small act of I pretending to keep my stuff aside. He didn’t want to sit up-close. Neither did he care to keep the stuff “between us” aside. Chances are- he would not hold his lady up close to his being. He would neither venture to set aside the rocking stones. He would ignore holding his head low. He would keep harping about his wanting to hear a “yes”. I tried asking about..

“Leave it now, for god sake- leave it..”

Okay, left. “Lets talk about ourselves then. What happened to your 1st marriage.. “, that was the 2nd time I had popped up that question. Excuse me, shouldn’t I be knowing a few things about him and also be sharing about mine? Hurriedly this time over he said that “she” was involved in an affair out of her wedlock.

I tried telling about my 1st wedding too. He had not wanted to listen. I had also wanted to talk about my family- he had again not wanted to hear. Instead he blurted that he would look for someone really very nice for me. Say what now..?? Where was the conversation going? Anyone who has read me so well that he thinks that he may not be good enough for me, would not be able to find anyone better – either.

My stuff was still sitting “between” us. He then held his hand out to me. I acted blonde (that’s my hair color; so I let the color rule my head at my convenience) 😀 I held out both my palms.. Palm Reading?? He had fretted again. I was beginning to enjoy it. I had to mark my time.. The driver had gone to Chandni Chowk to pick up a spare part; he was to comeback only after 2 good hours.

Any one holding his empty hand out portrays two things:

  • He lacks the ability to take initiatives.
  • He is bare handed.

Both the situations is a big put off- TO ME. He could have held my hand (if I had given out my hand on his palm- !#$@#$@) and then pulled me towards him. Fine, no issues with getting intimate. My problem was with him not taking my hand on his own and instead holding his bare palm out for me to act upon.

He had offered his bare palm for me to fill in- instead, he should have filled my palm placing his hand on his own. That was his priority, this is mine. He wasn’t being good. He only wanted a shoulder to cry upon and call his shots upon from. Spare me of the horror, I know the difference between being a courteous and apprehensive man, a little too well. Blame my analytical skills. I am wanting a man who is a man enough. Someone who doesn’t harp about Gender Equality because that is bullsh*t.

GE only exists for a woman to go out and earn for her family, absolutely nothing thereafter. She is expected to then get into her womanly role of getting pregnant, bearing kids and attened to housekeeping. Oh, she can work as a teacher, so she slogs herself well attending to house-hold chores in the evening. BPO jobs are forbidden, so are any other outfit other than saree and suits.

I would have appreciated a much if he had instead held my hand on his own, picking it up looking in my eyes for approval or resentment.. At the max, I would have asked him to stop. OMG, abuse me, I had not answered “yes” yet. After a few times of “bare handed” act, he had seemed upset. Hold on- was he crying?

Helpppppp. I don’t wish to mother babies.

He murmured that he wanted to stay in his past, not come out of it at all, he could stay alone forever.. listen, I am a woman and conventionally, I want my man to boost me up. I was not to coochie coo him out of his “sorrows”. He so believed in “1st impression being the last 1”. Poor guy, he was so badly hit with his own ideals. He ranted a few like some chants. Why?

It was an insult that I didn’t hold his hand. Arrggghhhh.. and also not said an “yes” yet. How was a guy supposed to take it further without an “yes”. I had had enough. I almost felt an urge of picking up my bag and walk out. I was in South Delhi, could have hired an auto and moved around the GK Market or called for a taxi and did the disappearing act. He had looked up in surprise.

I didn’t. I instead decided to play to the Gallery. I upped my tone and repeated whatever he had ranted awhile back, seeking my reply (to which I was supposed to say “yes”)

  • Forget the past
  • Change a certain lifestyle if that isn’t working for you
  • Let’s welcome Change with open mind
  • Let’s not become God
  • BLAH BLAH

Was he cornered now? He had kept his face the other side and kept wiping his eyes. Please.. I have had enough of that other cry baby already. Anyways, I don’t think I need anyone who is unable to handle his emotions in the 1st visit itself. Good I didn’t meet him in public. I would be damned if my face gave any clue about my issues and concerns. EVER.

The car driver was to get another hour late. It was humid and suffocating. I had then insisted on switching on the a/c or cooler. He had directed me to his bedroom and switched on the appliance. Till then he had not shown me around. How strange. His kitchen was neat and well kept. Another huge vase was sat next to the Dressing table in the gallery with more dried flower sticks.

The 1st bed had two stuffed toys and a big red velvet heart. The 2nd one (where the a/c was) had another one with a stuffed tiger. I asked him if that was because of my visit. NO, he had replied. He “loved” stuffed animals and maintained the house himself. His bed had huge pile of pillows, cushions and small cushions in matching pinkish upholstery with white corner detailing. Two big heart shaped red velvet pillow were sat on both the beds. He had bought them from IN/OUT Gas Station Stores. I appreciated how well he maintained everything; excepting, men don’t do so.

Yeah, take my word for it. No men does this. Something just didn’t match. I was starving and that made no difference to his being. He was more onto his “Yes” and FOR?? There were too many contradictions for me to get comfortable. His face was still dark wearing a forlorn look.

He wasn’t wanting to digup the past. Who was wanting to anyways? But then, isn’t it necessary to know about each other? Atleast about the family? Of all, I should have been touchy about it- what say?Apparently, we are because of what we were. I explained that how it was important for me to know why my man was sitting at a corner sulking, so I can comfort him accordingly. He seem to be missing the point too many times. Actually, all the times.

He was more concerned that I had left half cup tea the previous time. I had not. Don’t we all leave the residual? This time, I had held the cup out to him. He peeped in to check.

He did try to hold me a couple of times. Make that 2 couple of times. I had giggled my way out. It didn’t seem natural at all. If anything, it all seemed staged. And women can fake about everything. Not the big O alone. He had whined for 2 long hours (and was still) wanting a “yes” about (?); all of a sudden struck by his desires? I just couldn’t feel for him.

He wasn’t a man enough to make me say – not today and make me give in eventually. He was a far cry from it.

All that was buzzing in my head while he trying to caress me were:

  • I wanted to reach on time to watch IGT-2
  • Did it rain in Gurgaon?
  • How would have my boyfriend reacted seeing me lost in some other thoughts..
  • Would he have read my face?
  • Was Negative able to read my face then?
  • What the hell- am I a machine?
  • Was I a thick coat of asbestos or woodland leather?

Sorry, there isn’t much to describe either. He acted only how a mother would upon meeting her son after a long period of gap…!! Sensuality was missing- no erotica. No looking into eyes. No subtle acts. Oops!! He wanted my “tum” WHAT !#@$%#$%#%^#$%#

I had Giggled my way out.. each time- SUCCESSFULLY. Any man, who can’t read a woman’s laughter would anyways fail to pleasure her up; in any manner.

~*~*~

He had taken great pleasure explaining how much he had spent buying those glass objects on display. He had wanted me to be honest in front of Ganesha– the God. When revealed about my connection with the “God”, he was dumbstruck. He seemed to be a ball of confusions. He had wanted to know that if I was married to Ganesha the 2nd time..?? (How could that be? We don’t live in the Devdasi era.. neither was I Paro to be dedicated to a drunkard loser..) He being a Hindu didn’t know about the rituals..!! Neither was he letting me speak up.

He was independent, had set up his business on his own, had lived a tragic relationship already; why was he still not grown up to use his brains? “One should not use brains when talking about matters concerning heart..” (Really, is it?) “It is supposed to click the very 1st time itself”, “It is so lonely that I may never understand about it..” “Since I am a Science student, I love to dissect things.”

That’s a plain allegation and arrogance. I studied science only for 2 years. I am 33 years in age. Was I to ignore what I experienced in (the rest of my) 31 years? That logic had shut him up for good. What a poor assessment he was doing himself being in HR.. (his offered logic for being so brain dead) Now we all know how HR works. Naukri.com is doomed now and so is his company.

  • The 1st time he had served my Tea in a cup (without a plate) and 2nd time, I got a mug (reverse repeat)
  • We discussed nothing about our Life, Lifestyle, Future plans of action or even hobbies..
  • He was so concerned to hear a “yes”. He didn’t even try discussing “our” future; if at all i.e., Maybe he was sure we were so not meant to be..

There was this uncanny similarity about him and me.

  • A Ganesha idol was sat.
  • So were the glass objects on the centre table.
  • There were plastic flowers everywhere.
  • His kitchen was so spic and span.
  • Some flowers were placed atop the cistern too!! Well, I have them on the counter. Infact, my washrooms could be competed with a 5* hotel washroom any day. His had a few cobwebs dangling.

There was no dust around. His maid only attended to swabbing. The “dusting” was his business.

He did offer to drop me- till halfway. For my readers; reaching or travelling in Gurgaon is an uphill task incase you don’t own a vehicle. There’s no public transport. Halfway was no good. I had read him far too well to understand that he was not concerned about me. He was to travel to Rohini. For Committee party. Since when did guys go for Kitty parties?

I was tired, hungry and agitated. I discovered the last one after reaching home. Upon reaching home, I had washed, scrapped my make- up off and thanked my self for being my own mother. Before leaving, I had cooked food. As I had instructed my maid, she had placed them on my Dining table before leaving so it was sat at a cooler temperature than that of the kitchen’s.

I watched IGT-2, eating my dinner. I had called up Gudiya (my salon friend) at 11pm. I gossiped till 1am. I had then called up Sophia and another round of gossip lasted till 2.30. Ruby didn’t answer her phone so the session happened this afternoon. I had shared my experience with my domestic too- she too had concluded on the same lines.

  • How could one answer at the 1st meeting?
  • He only probably cared about objects..
  • He was too confused and would remain so..
  • How could he maintain his house so well..

Mind you, she is an illiterate woman from a backward village.

No phone calls happened to check my safe travel. Next day he accused the Airtel n/w. His keypad didn’t type “O”; so no sms too had happened. Typing O was anyways not his cup of tea.

~*~*~

He was with his parents then. He would call me back. He did only after 24 hours- blaming the cell was damaged in rain. Anyways, I had not planned anything on Saturday for Sunday; hence, he had assumed that we were not to meet. His initiative?

I didn’t wait. 1 sms and he is off now..

I had tried all that I could.

  • How I was wanting to get into an affair mode to understand each other better without holding any thing against either of us.
  • I was ready to spend my as much time and share as much to explore the possibility of our Future (if at all).
  • One would have to walk step by step to understand people.

Definitely, I would have still wriggled out since I had observed him up too close. Then why I said all that I did? Just to be very much sure of..?? HIM; for all of you to know about him and understand better.

For me, I love to analyse people 😉

I am still pondering over such a character. Liar, deceiving or manless; I have still not reached any conclusion. In 3 hours, we had barely spoken and I have evaluated enough to write a mini- series about him.

Note: I could not cut it any shorter. His name begins and ends with “N”; an observation made by Gudiya and hence the name. The attitude was suffice though. I was too offended at not being attended to well. A soft drink, if not hard, something good to eat.. He had been married for sometime, was 35 and didn’t know how to entertain guests??
Advertisements

About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My mind, Our Society and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Matrimonial Match Making

  1. Steve Isaak says:

    Thanks for reminding me how much I hate dating – I’m not a small-talk guy, I prefer talking about things of substance – unless it’s about movies, books or music (which feeds my creativity, so even then. . . it’s important).

    Interesting, different – both in a good way – read.

  2. Becca Givens says:

    Olivia – quite an interesting set of events … it certainly makes me quite grateful I am OUT OUT OUT of the dating game … and should my marriage not work … I am NOT doing it again — tooo much work!!! Big hugs to you … xoxoxo

    • Olivia says:

      lolsss! Dating is soooo boring! Often I know what’s that smile for… ufff! why can’t they be a bit inventory!! Nevermind… men!!! 😛

      Hugs right back at ya xoxoxoxo

  3. lolamouse says:

    Oh my, Olivia! The singles scene in India sounds even worse than here in the US! Makes me even more glad I’m married! If I were single, I think I’d just watch movies, read books, and eat ice cream!

  4. John E Tripp says:

    It has been months now since the beginning of this post. I do not hear much from you now I think maybe we all have been busy. Has someone true come into your life by now? I wish you the best even when our cultures are so very different and understanding each other’s culture is so very different we all are humans with a heart, you, I and those that also understand your message best wishs for 2011, John
    http://www.photoshop.com/users/asiangold/assets/9e1f3cf47e52439e8ff346235d5a4969

    • Olivia says:

      Hey John.. wishing you a very beautiful 2011..
      I have been constantly writing about my experiences.. without taking any break at all.. 🙂
      If you have time, try to look at the right side bar..

      I am so happy to be single for now.. completely out of any emotional tangle.. 😀
      Love xx

  5. orange says:

    Hi Olivia… interesting read and lovely blog… we are the same age… I am 11 Dec born… single and live alone in Pune though I was born and brought up just 2 hrs drive from Gurgaon:-) Worked in Delhi and Gurgaon for a couple of years before moving down south in 2005 and to west in 2009.

    The purpose of telling you all this is that I know exactly where you are coming from and the men you are talking about, the experience with the matrimonial sites and more… I do believe that an invite for the first date at home means only one thing… but if the man is not even man enough to get it out, then even that is not worth it…

    In my journey to find love inside and outside of me, I learnt that Indians – women or men are mostly hypocrites when it comes to sexuality. If only we would be aware of our sexualities and accept it as it is, life would be far more harmonious.

    I have a blog that I started so that I could work on making people more aware, helping them accept their sexualities by sharing how I was working on accepting mine. Do check it out… (history page first to get a gist of what it is about)
    http://reverberatingmusings.wordpress.com

    I believe there are no coincidences and there is something we need to know/complete with through everyone who comes into our lives… looking into such meetings with such people does help get me an insight into what wasn’t working in my own space, what faithlessness did I carry to experience a particular person…

    • Olivia says:

      wow Shweta.. I am so honored that you took time out to post a detailed one.. 🙂
      Some research you have done about me before posting this comment- lolsss

      Hope your B’de was a nice one and wishing you a very beautiful 2011..

      I am amused at the fact that how well you have grasped the essence of not only this post but the way I am! I liked your expressing that you too like to make observations and conclude upon ones own shortcomings that we go through what we didn’t deserve! There are no co- incidences but I am happy we met.. 🙂 I just checked the front page of your blog and I know I will love it..

      Once again- I am glad we met.. from here on.. wishing you all the very best Dear One.. xoxoxox

  6. Pingback: Wishing myself a Beautiful 2011 | Olivia's Life Instances..

  7. Pingback: Getting Rid of yet another Loser | Olivia's Life Instances..

  8. I guess some is beyond my culture. You need rest Olivia, Don’t answer, Sleep… John

    • Olivia says:

      Let me try again– its like Romeo Juliet… there were Sohni and Mahiwal too.
      On that fateful stormy night, her earthen pitcher was changed. She used to swim across the river with the help of that pot which would keep her floating to reach the other side. To meet Mahiwal of course. Before morning, she would again swim back the same way. That night when she did that one last time, she didn’t make it to the other side. Since it was not yet roasted/cooked on the flame, it was raw and broke as soon as she reached the middle of the river..
      So you see, this animal was their follower and worshiped them..

  9. Olivia, what is this quote? (One confused being whose idols are some old mythical primitive love sick couple… I wonder if he would ever be able to couple up with any sensible woman.)..? You are still coming down hard on this animal that wants a yes for sex. I am curios does has he read your notes here? Ha-ha! John

    • Olivia says:

      Only it didn’t seem so.. he had not made any advances that would have made me uncomfortable or wary… Who cares anyways..??!!
      Sohni Mahiwal.. Heer ranjha types were his idols.. he had that painting up on the wall that he would touch and salute by touching his forehead back.. or was he slamming his forehead in despair..??

  10. Pingback: My 1st Crush is my last Crush | Olivia's Life Instances..

  11. Pingback: Another weekend with another Friend | Olivia's Life Instances..

  12. Pingback: Your very first visit..? | Olivia's Life Instances..

  13. Pingback: Golden Steps « Olivia's In- Mind Whirls..

  14. John E Tripp says:

    Just bad luck for you, that is all. It is clear his objective here and what most want to do. I just cannot say everyone because I was able to make many changes for the good when my wife and I met. It sickens me to tell you some of the things that happened before we met. I think maybe I am different because the first true love for me was one sided. She was a beauty in High School and taking here running around was hard for me to accept. I never said goodbye but in my heart I hope she is well. I still look at her photo and ask why. I am very happy that I could not accept her for this and feel for the many men in her life that have been hurt by her ways………John

    • Olivia says:

      One confused being whose idols are some old mythical primitive love sick couple.. I wonder if he would ever be able to couple up with any sensible woman..

  15. Paras says:

    What a loser.. though it does not matter but now we know why he is still single.. oohh Lord Ganesha give him a little more brains.. show him where is CCD in south.. cups comes with saucers.. and tea with some nicknacks..

    Your weekend was ruined…

    As you say.. Let him R.I.P.

    • Olivia says:

      Very well.. such beings should be bracketized under “spineless coward”
      I have failed to understand exactly what was he wanting a “Yes” about? He was not speaking at all whining for most of the time. What really would a woman do if stuck with him.. I can’t think of a man to be one, if he can’t talk sensibly and intelligent..

      nevermind.. let him keep caressing the Sohni Mahiwal and lead his life alone..
      May he R.I.P.

  16. Pingback: Males and their Mails | Olivia's Life Instances..

Say something..

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s