I had walked on edge nearly for one whole year taking nonsenses beyond description.
Make that since 23rd October, ’95 onwards, till a couple of years back..
Mom had told me, how dad used to make her eat from the floor! He would beat her up, scatter the food on floor, stomp upon it with his shoes on and make her eat that. Something similar had happened to me a couple of times over, if not exactly the same thing. Not realizing that there wasn’t anything left to eat; I had thrown over the food across the floor. This used to be after a huge and ugly fight over marrying him. Obviously, I had kept refusing to. I had never wanted to..
Repenting over my mistake and for insulting served food; I had picked that up after sometime and eaten. He would sit quietly and watch.
I was forced to cook every evening leaving my college assignment. “That’s how a woman should behave..” I was told. The time I could have utilized in completing my art- work, was wasted terribly to cook and elaborate meals. Rice was not his food. Chapattis were.. I din’t know how to roll one. I knew it alright, but those didn’t roll out well. Mom had always made me sit and study and stay outside the kitchen.
There I was; slogging it to meet expectations of an orthodox, prude and a womanizing bast*rd.
After the Blotch was asked to leave by Babaji; he had kept out most of the times. That suited me well. To realize that that was the time to kick his butt out of my Life. I had had enough of him. He wasn’t my type; moreover, there were absolutely no attachments whatsoever. If at all, I was fending for him. I din’t need any handicap resting on me; given the fact that he was a grown up man of 27 years.
Talking to me and taking cue; Asha didi had gotten a Gas connection in her name. She was more than surprised how that Blotch had conveniently kept his eyes closed. They being the native “villagers” had progressed to the “outsiders” mannerisms because they understood that how obsolete rudiments were to be left. However, only till there, the Blotch was beyond any repair or change. Like I cared.
The other tenant, whose son used to get tuitions from me in the evening had extended their mega- help. The husband had arranged for a cylinder for me. I had started to cook respectably and in the kitchen. Of course I had paid extra.
A couple of days later when that Blotch had walked in, he was aghast at the sight of a cylinder preparing evening tea for me. He had gone through each and everything possible to find out any possible clue around. He could not handle how things had changed.
I had started working. Gee Pee Corporation- Lakshmi Nagar. Manmohan Goyal, one of the partners and a close friend of Mr. Gupta (who was the proprietor), had expressed his desires!!
Neetu had first resisted showing off her ignorant self for a month. She made no bones about expressing her distaste for Anu. The other lady was supposedly a separated lady, staying by herself. I had not and wouldn’t blame her for anything. She had done whatever she thought was best for her survival. So had- Neetu. I was the odd one out. Oh, they had become the best of friends soon enough.
After a lot of trials, one evening, they had announced a booze party. I now understand that that must have been staged. All the employees (2 women and I, 2 men and a peon) were supposed to sit for some drinks- unofficially after work- hours. I had retorted and gone home.
Goyal had then made an open trade. Either I apologize- for? Or … I had quit. Without a second thought. Gupta was embarrassed. I had told him that he better be worried since his two daughters would also grow up to become women soon.
I had cried for 2 hours at my office realizing that my NO was hitting my source of finance. Since I had asked for advance money one time, they could understand that I was “in need”. Who knows, they might even had followed me back home? Talked to the neighbors and had gotten to the root? I didn’t bother to stay and find out. I could only feel that they had sensed my helplessness.
Goyal had even departed with a gyaan message. One that I had taken in a little too deep. Bless him for that “mantra”. He had said that to go to the top, a woman needs to be too efficient- either at her work or in bed. Thank you Goyal.
Blotch was growing insecure everyday. Even 5 minutes of delay used to prick him. WTH? Couldn’t someone get a little late at times? I knew he would not understand. He had not worked, how could he? A couple of “helper” jobs that he had worked in.. wait, maybe, that exactly was the reason. He wasn’t keeping it straight himself; he must have been scared of the same facts then. I takes one to know one. So perhaps, he wasn’t that simple as he presented himself to be.
I had been the biggest fool walking around. He would often tell me how his friends hired a s*x worker and they would indulge in mega orgy parties. This was when all of them were officially paired up with their “girl- friends”!! How they would not pay her and instead take away all her money.. I had often asked what was he doing around- just sitting.. you see. Yeah, I see that now- he was just sh*tting. BULL-SH*TTING..
I had been pretty close.. and had managed to stay un- affected. I had witnessed life from a very different angle. What guys preferred loitering around, how they ended up becoming loafers. Their gradual move towards dope, joining goons and then hooking up the naive ones.. Eventually becoming Blue- line drivers and conductors. The drivers earned fairly well, in return of a very indecent life. the conductors slipping a few notes in one’s own pocket.
These guys could not think of anything else beyond tucking in a few notes for themselves. There was this girl Kiran staying in MV- II, who would even do the conductor’s job, on days..!! For crying out loud, she was a student herself, a year senior to me in a different school. I only watched her from distance. It really wasn’t that exciting- wonder, why she did what she used to? Last I heard, her sister was abducted and violated..
Another day, a conductor was stabbed..!! I had only got that news. I didn’t know him at all. Just that that bus traveled on the same route as that of the other one. The one where all these losers used to hang in.. Literally..!!
I decided to try my luck at the Lav- Kush Public School. I had even taught one 10th class students- English one day. The Vice- principal had come in to watch. She had loved my way of teaching- verbatim. The class had enjoyed so much that they were to be told to leave when the school bell had rung..!! They had made me promise to comeback the next day. I did not fulfill my promise.
Mr. Bhardwaj had blatantly asked me to sleep with him to get that job. When refused; he had wanted a guardian- saying that that was important for all women employees..!! F*ck him-oh no, don’t.. He must be dead by now.
Couple of more affairs- boyfriends swearing their “true love” for me and I walking over my own emotions every time.
A few more Job Opportunities- grabbed and left for not wanting to compromise..
Did my obstinacy lead me anywhere? Did I reach any fair conclusion? Did I reach any conclusion at all? Did I reach at all?
After going through all this has made you resilient to the harsh side of the world…
In the end it boils down to the case where nothing worse can happen now… Even if something happens it won’t be bad as it was.
Thanks for your words paras.. The worse is yet to come (I am yet to write those..)
It has made me so precautious and indifferent that nothing affects me now; be it good or otherwise..!!