Bloody Relationships

Half hour has passed by since I posted the last one; I still feel awfully sad.

I have tried almost all the tricks.

  • I have considered watching- porn.. dismissed.
  • I had gone for a cold shower..
  • Now wearing my light pink spaghetti frock.

Yet, no change.

While under shower, the fine drops fell on my face as if from a great height. I could feel my facial muscles becoming taut because of being pressed. I have never felt this way before. Same shower for the past one year now and made me feel so refreshed. But to no avail.

The water trickled down my skin losing all it’s force. I had pressed my palm against my abdomen. The droplets that pricked my face, ran into a stream through the middle of my breasts, becoming warm. It ran into a much tamed flow, when it fell on my palm. I sensed that stream as if it had lost all it’s strength while travelling down my body. It could not ease my tension though.

The same cold water spray that hit my face trickled down my body as if it had been sucked of its vigor. It was much smoother to feel on palm than how it felt on my face. Almost satiny. I had stood under the shower for little longer wanting to relish the “change” in the state of liquid only within a few seconds. It still could not change my mood.

Sulking..? Depressed..? Un- energetic..?

My boss had argued with me real nasty. But that was way back at 1.30pm. Anyways, that had not affected me at all. I had spent my day writing and clicking pics. Infact, I could finish my last post in one stretch- a rarity..!! Given the fact that all good things suffer a break before its bigger break; there were none this time..!! I was in the lightest of my moods laughing at my own silly behavior.

Then what is bothering me now..?

A lot of my friends had wanted to know why I am writing my Biopic Log. Maybe because I want to..

Or maybe I wish to emote.

We all do- don’t we? I had not- for years together now. I had saved my strength to fight it out when in the “situation”. I have not as much grieved as my things had been. Maybe, through writing, I am emoting..

This may not be the only reason. This may not be the best of the reasons. This may not be the actual reason.. Yet; I do re- live my experiences.

The humility still stares at me, wanting to know If I am embarrassed enough.

No, I am not.. Of all, I am proud. Whatever it is, however it has been, I am not ashamed of anything. I wish to state that whatever I have undergone, is completely within my conscience. I don’t wish to run off it. Neither do I wish to change anything.

I may be sour, but not ashamed. I have been, however I could be. I harbor no regrets. None. I am perfectly in love with my own self. May be even self- obsessed. At the very least, I can talk about myself holding my head high.. looking right into the eyes of the one wanting to “know”

So why this mood swing..?

Recalling of how all of my blood relations have proved the proverb wrong- blood is thicker than water..

About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My mind and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Bloody Relationships

  1. Kavita says:

    Blood is just another liquid… can even be replaced by that of another…
    A very heartfelt post, dearie…
    I may not have experienced what you did, but I can certainly empathize with you on some of the aspects and thoughts you’ve expressed here…
    That cold shower bit… brrrr… (shivers)

    Here’s some warm (heater generated warmth in this frigid cold) hugs for you …

    • Olivia says:

      Hey Kavs.. I thought I had shared this one with you the last year!
      The comment date shows otherwise. I am surprised!!
      (no longer guilty that this was long overdue n un-replied- hehehe)

      Thank you for your kind words! Your stopping by is so appreciated n always.. Thank you for the Hugs- they are super warm 🙂 xx

  2. Pingback: Living (Not) a Relationship | Olivia's Life Instances..

  3. Paras says:

    some one once told me … ones who are with you in your best, good, bad and evil are your friends.. people who desert you as soon as you face bad times are &^*()&. Same thing applies here.. i guess.. you have shared about a lot of things so why not this color.. the only thing to be kept in mind is that you should not regret any of your actions.. from what i know you (though i dont know you much) there is always a reason for your action.. and you know what you are doing.. if you want to be transparent about your thoughts writing about it is the best thing.. i appriciate that you are proud of what you are and what u have done thus far.. keep kicking ass like u always do.

  4. Sophie says:

    Hey Olly, I really liked this line – “At the very least, I can talk about myself holding my head high.. ” it means a lot…and I am proud of you!!

    Also, I liked the spunk you’ve given to Michael in your reply… 😀 Well, answered, enjoyed it!

    • Olivia says:

      Want to add “some” of your own too..? 😉 Be my guest. By the choice of words, he seems to be a WP Blogger- only too hesitant to leave his Blog URL- like I care..

      Thanks for your words Sophie- I too am proud to have you with me. Loads of Love

  5. Michael says:

    Life is to short to be so melancholy. Even if you are just writing about sadness for sadness sake… why? Your ‘about me’ sounds like ” I am Woman, hear me roar!” Stop purring and start making some noise. Maybe, I am being too critical? This was the first post I read on your site. Maybe other post have more spunk… I am sure you are sharing your heart and there’s nothing wrong with that. But we are all more than conquerers. Press on!

    • Olivia says:

      Appreciate your stopping by- If only you had read the associated post- maybe you would know.. My roar is proving out to be worst than any bites..

      Sadness too is a part of life- anyone who wishes to hide- away behind giggles, will stay blindfolded..
      Being critical is fine as long as you know the subject- guess you need to move around a little more before posting your conclusion here..

      Feel free to do so..

      Happy Weekend..

  6. Pingback: I, Me, Myself | Olivia's Life Instances..

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