Walking through the Cemetery

Life’s not been easy for me. Struggle has been beyond “updating CV” and sit for the “interview rounds”… well beyond every conceivable struggle that any girl from a respectable family could undergo.

Thanks to my Parents- mom, dad and mama. Don’t leave masi, mesho and Runa too!!

Needless to say; after leaving Gee Pee, I had to start looking for something else. I did get a “door-to-door” campaigning company. It was some- D-Max Marketing selling on American Concept of Marketing.. blah.

Two partners ran the show. One of them was from eastern part of the country (India), the other one not. I was an instant hit there- whatever..!!

The Assistant Manager (just a glossy tag) was a dignified one, just like the east Indian guy. He was a bengali. He danced well. He would often tell me that all I should be worried about is creating a wall to support my back. He was right. Blotch wasn’t anywhere around. I had managed to shoo him away. As in, he won’t dare to talk about my getting late etc.

There.. as if Destiny was sitting ready to pounce on me. I did have my share of innocent boyfriends too. It was I who was innocent- not them; but had respected my being ignorant! Yet, some of them didn’t, I had managed to stay un- affected. Bless my stars.

Sanandhan Bhan resembled ChandraChurr Singh, the actor who had debuted in Tere Mere Sapne. WOW!!! No wait, he had fallen for me. The girl he was seeing was typically Indian salwar suit type. The guy was pretty smart- in looks, spoke good; the girl was no match. That’s how he had made me believe. That girl too worked with us (obviously). Her elder sister was involved with the non- chink partner/owner. I could have hooked the other guy.

Curse me- I had not. Given a chance to turn back time- I would want to. Maybe I would have saved myself of a huge chunk of sour tasting experiences. Or maybe not!

Sanandhan had made all the moves expressing his liking for me. I had read that. I had shared all that was my then current situation. I had only wanted some help to come out. Settling down or any other expectations were far off my mind. I had yearned for a support.

He had even wanted me to spend a night at his building overhead terrace. I told you- I am pretty dense-headed. I had agreed to. He promised to comeback after dinner- and didn’t..!! LOL. Exactly that- what else am I supposed to do recalling that. Cry? Crib? Nopes. I had acted like a fool; I deserve to be laughed at. Join me into my giggles.

I had even made that Blotch go at his place and call him out one day. It was obviously off after that night. Sanandhan had then promised to meet me a couple of days later. Oh yes, he had not. Please break into another set of giggles. I had then marched to his house one day… to claim my Love for him. (I know you can’t stop laughing about the idiocity, but that’s all that was). I had cried and had wanted to talk to him. Bless his parents. His granddad seemed to be a very fine gentleman. He had asked me to “move on” in as many words.

He had said that I deserved someone better than him. Say why? His elder brother had intervened- “Olivia, he is only 12th pass- not willing to do anything more. He doesn’t deserve you..!!” Whatever that was..

I fit into the definition of a sentimental fool perfectly. Oh yes- some more of such silly episodes to come in detail in later posts..

That Chink had as if read it all. He had not wanted me to leave work. I had to. It was all pretty confusing. I had enough to deal with at my end- anyways. Working door-to-door wasn’t taking me any place.

A few days later, I had spotted S with his “old” girl- friend again. Oh man, how well I had stripped him in public. Poor him. I had become pretty indifferent; so hurting him had become much more enjoyable 😀

~*~*~

August, 1997

Soon thereafter, I joined some Company as a Liaison Officer. Beg your Pardon; don’t remember the name. I mean- I din’t know then that I would write all about them in detail and hence had not kept any track. The man was in his middle- age with an obese wife and a sweet little daughter. The 1st day I had gone for my interview, he had tried to kiss me- saying this was all intended to happen.

He would keep repeating his pet “matter of chance//intended to happen” every couple of days. Another lady worked with him- I am sure she must have already given into his- “matter of chance//intended to happen”. I am no one to judge or blame her or anyone else for that matter. Whatever he talked about her in her absence, and later confirmed by her made me conclude this.

He believed big- time in astrology. Yet; he had miserably failed to “see” that I was not “intended to happen” to him. Nevermind. He would keep insisting in taking me to haldiram’s. Back then, that used to be a rage. A long drive; some spicy food and …!!! He assured “…” was not on his mind. Oh yeah babes- he was damn right. I had not traveled with him to any restaurant for any elaborate dinner; how could he get to his …??

Once while employed in his firm, I had traveled to Ghaziabad Sales Tax office. On a two- wheeler with an executive. The whole way to and fro it had rained. I had fallen sick. 2 weeks had gone by gulping paracetamol; there wasn’t any relief that I could gain. A week more later, I had asked for an off. There, he negotiated his terms. Completely empty handed, I had turned back. WITHOUT SLEEPING WITH HIM.

I had barely managed to reach Lakshmi Nagar, at my masi’s place- from Dilshad Garden. I had headed straight to that Sanjeevni Clinic. I had passed out..

The next one hour was all blurry. The Lady Doctor leaning on me and checking if I was alive..!! She had given me a tablet to gulp and requested me not to throw up. I had obliged her. I had overheard the Doctor couple discussing amongst themselves that had I been a couple of hours late; I would have lost my chances of survival.

With lame steps I had knocked at my masi’s house. I had requested her if she could let me sit for sometime. She had let me in. There was an unease in the air. She had inquired what had happened; but only till there. The whole night I had kept coughing like a TB patient.. That was the night when either of the DD channels had telecast 1942- Love story. I had stayed at her place for nearly a week.

2 days later I had to go to the Doctor again for next set of medicines. I had not a single penny left with me. Masi had made it very clear that she would not go to the Doctor with me. If anyone believes in miracle; I had witnessed one then.

Blotch had come over to masi’s place sniffing me or my absence from “my home”. He had lied to masi that he was from my work place wanting to learn about my absence. He had handed over some money too..!!

Anyone wanting to know the reasons why I hold no grudge against that Blotch; despite the fact that I had lost my Degree certificates because of him- here’s one of those. He had seemed concerned- one of the rare experiences I had undergone, while he was around. He had slipped that money when masi was gone to prepare tea for him. He had also asked if I had needed more..

The same evening, I had insisted masi to come along with me- since; I was barely able to move without support. She had already refused to. Apparently, she had agreed; after I told had her that she wouldn’t have to carry any money or spend.

Moving around under direct sun in peak summers for that door-to-door job and then getting drenched for over 3 long hours, no proper food and rest had taken its toll on me. I had been diagnosed of an acute case of para-typhoid. For 3 days, I had stayed unconscious. Only to be shaken up to bite into a small piece of roti and medicines. I could not eat anything more.

I had not stayed at masi’s place expecting any care. But because I was unable to drag myself to the bus- stop and travel back home. This is what I call helplessness.

Whatever she has been to me; in totality, I owe her a lot. She had let stay over an almost crippled me, for over a week. All my muscles were wasted. I had resembled a skeleton. That was the last I was not “chubby” or “over- weight”. Maya’s mom had also come to see me- commenting sarcastically that probably I was stretching it too far. No sooner I had gotten up my bed and reached the other side where they were sat, holding the wall; I had fallen down like a heavy garland tucked on a nail and the nail going loose. I had then dragged myself on the floor to reach back my bed.

Come to think of it- had the Blotch been not around and come over handing over that cash to me; I would have had to again beg for only a couple of hundred rupees. Recovering from that illness seemed like my new birth. Literally.. I had not been that sick for ages. Such things only happens in childhood. When one has her parents around to take care of her. Maybe- I was growing up. That attack of sickness, was the last of my childhood leaving me.

Maybe I am God’s favorite child. HE has never let me lose.. arranging for substitutes way beyond my expectations..!! Right when I had needed them..