It’s been a month and a few days that I have been riding high on top of my Exercising Bike. It seems that I have lost a few inches 😀 Maybe another fortnight would slip me into my dresses again. Another month or two (okay, make that 3), I shall be back to where I was 7 years back or may be even 9 years back!
I had worked out my bulges off pretty hard, preparing for my wedding. Hold On- don’t jump on to congratulate me yet- that relationship exists no- more and was ugly, till it had lasted.
I had managed to maintain my toned look for the next 2 years, before I had again started gaining cellulite. I tend to shed every winter. It was only in one of the winters that I had swelled up. Erratic work- scheds, no proper meal, gorging on fried stuff (that’s all that was available), had cast its dark spell on me. I would not look into the mirror to appreciate my being a woman; the urge was getting killed. I had almost stopped thinking about myself- soon.
Freeing myself of the fallen relationship (read: my marriage); I had begun leading my Life for the 1st time- as if. Breaking away from that obsolete pattern, had posted me to where I had started back in 1996. That was when I was made to leave my Home.
Shifting to Gurgaon, was also not hassles free. I was made to pay a very heavy price (read: another post). If lack of Public Transport wasn’t a reason enough to stay indoors, there were ugly series of events that had forced me to clam inside my shell. It was as if I had stepped into a Live Arena. It was as scary as a Gothic Trans Spell, where anything I touched, turned into an ugly beast, ready to feast on my Survival. I had closed my self so tight that besides my work, I didn’t exist in other realms. To escape that moronious phase and to ditch my untimely death; I had stayed locked up in a Guest House for about 4 months. All I had was a couple of night dresses, 2 tops, 1 skirt and 1 jeans to wear. Half of my stuff that was with my ex, (I was still under process of shifting); was locked up at a rented place by him. The rest half, was with that lady, I had shared my apartment with- here in Gurgaon.
How could I have overlooked my state of helplessness and go out to enjoy?
I had shifted out of that self- imposed prison in November- 2008. I was completely broken. There wasn’t even as much as a Devil to feel haunted of!! I had dealt with a couple of those already in the last few months. Although there were a few more episodes that could have affected me; I had not let them to. I was learning to live, to smile, to put a facade on my face, to face the outside world.
It may sound clichéd; but it was my friends who had dug me out of that Vortex. I had not realized how deep I had sunken until recently. I had turned into a typical recluse! I had refused to interact with everyone and anyone.. Reasons? Actually those still exist; only now, I have learnt how to lead My Life staying completely Indifferent.
Now almost after 2 years, I am back to my stable self emotionally. My heart beats and feels too!! I pick up the happy things, leaving the sad ones to their fate of dyeing a natural death.
I am preparing for my Big Day.. The Day the world around Me, would announce my very Existence.I would then be recognized far and wide for who I am. I now need to look my SELF!! I wish to reflect upon my Attitude. I wish to showcase my ability to deal with the toughest of the things with great precision. I want everyone else to take notice of my agility. I wish to outdo all my efforts to take whatever comes and laugh about it on its face- to the point of being Indifferent and un- affected.
I wish to look As I Am.
The next post in continuation to this one is Part- II “Working Out”.