This is in continuation to my earlier post- Part-I “Working Up”.
My Life had as if hit a dead point in June- 2008. I had spent 4 complete months locked up inside a room in a Guest House. It was during my stay there in Sushant Lok that I had picked up a few habits.
Some habits that have become an nondetachable part of my survival now..
I was confined to a single room for 4 months. I had no one visiting me. One of my school friends stayed very nearby; it seemed- she always kept busy. I had once stepped out to meet Sophie on her insistence. I know- I had been such a pain to them by keeping to myself! I had nothing better to do- excepting to stay sit and brood.
All I did the whole of my days, was to sit and brood. About everything!! Of My Travel From childhood till then. Since I wasn’t really hooked up to watch Television, I would be bored to death.
Reluctantly, I had started watching “Colors”- that was the newest addition to the existing TV Channels. I would watch “Tom n Jerry” and “Ben 10” like they were my Life- Cord!! I have become so versed with each of the “Tom n Jerry” episodes, that I can almost voice over the sounds 🙂 How I had wanted to watch Cartoon Network the whole day when I was in my High School..!
“Balika Vadhu” still remains my favorite watch. That prankish old lady “Dadisa” reminded me of my interaction with that “Lady P“. I become so defensive when someone tries to mock jokingly upon my watching Cartoons or even this serial! I had always loved watching cartoons. As matter of fact, I owe my diction and learning English language, to “Cartoon Network” alone. Back then, when I studied in school, the cable operators ran that channel in between the movie switches.
It was exactly at this time that I had wanted to write. All about myself, my mind and my conclusions upon Retrospection. It was a Herculean task to keep my faith up. I would cry for hours at a stretch, wondering about the conclusion of that phase. Today, as I go back in time and try to assess myself; I realize that I was way too strong back then. I wasn’t being as vulnerable as I had thought myself to be.
How else do you think I am talking about it without getting affected?
It was during this period that I had clicked that snap- shot!! Some snap shot it turned out to be!! No self- praise 🙂 Just check my Gravatar. I bet no one can guess what all was tearing my mind cells. How a picture that was captured while staying there, has now become my signature Identity!! It’s the same snap that’s on my Blog Template.
One other thing that had germinated during this period was my intention to Lose. I had put on weight like a stuffed up Bolster. What else would happen if one was to sit still inside a room doing absolutely nothing? As my Quality Manager- Swati, always suggested to adopt a Holistic View about things; likewise, “Losing” was more than to lose weight alone. It was to become free, to evolve, to elevate my state of being!!
By writing about all that had lived with me making me more like them instead of letting Me be; I am now in a process of shedding all the remembrances. I am only wanting to be Me. No extra weight of any relationship, expectations thereof resulting in more confusions and disappointments!
I strongly feel that My Day of Celebrating- My state of being is nearing me. I have been wanting it to happen for long now. Often my superiors stated that I am impatient- I am only focussed. I am only trying to achieve what is meant to be My Real State of Being. I achieve what I desire of- to say so; I follow my instincts. It’s my Instincts again, pointing out to a certain celebrated standard of level. I have doused myself working towards attaining that state so passionately, that it has now become my Life- Line.
To lose weight is mass and measurement is also one of the things 😀 How else would I groom myself? LOLsss
My close friends would stamp it. I marvel at planning strategically to achieve what I so wish to. I just hate to wait. When I want it, I just get it. I build up that momentum in my Desires and thoughts that the Final Post hits me automatically. I have done that so many times, I am all charged up to make that happen yet again. This time round, everyone would stand with me to celebrate the event.
The celebration of discovering the Real Me, My Real Life- the way it should be- the way- As I Am.