After completing a Dream and a Poem; I have been wondering what to write in here- in My Biopic Log.. My mom comes as a savior- again.
By the time I finish this- it’ll be the next day already- 23rd October, 2010.
15 years back, exactly on the same date, I had lost my mom. It happened to be a Divali morning- no moon night. Her name was Jyotsna- moonlight. After an ugly argument with my uncle, she had muttered under her breath that may something happen that his Kali Puja gets ruined for all times to come.
Eastern part of India celebrates Kali Puja exactly on Divali evening. Lakshmi Puja falls on full moon night following the Navratris. Incidentally, today happens to be the full moon night. The Lakshmi Puja evening. Did I do anything? No, I didn’t. I was too occupied. About the things that are currently a pattern.
Many years back, on one such Lakshmi Puja day, mom had witnessed me being Intuitive! I had drawn Lakshmi and her owl’s footprint in alpana. I had not known about that- neither had I been told.
It’s Fall. Yet, it keeps pretty warm at noon. Although the Sun’s rays have been not so bright- like it is in winters; today, it rained. It poured at 4 in the evening and then again a couple of hours back. It’s pleasantly breezy outside. While for most of us a weather that maybe sexy; I feel about it a little differently.
It’s almost winter like nights, days still warm like summers, it rained like in monsoons and is breezy now like any pleasant day. It seems that all the seasons and weathers have decided to unite on one particular day. Since it doesn’t snow here, that is the only thing that is missing. It stormed dust, and thundered too!
Had mom been around; we would have sat discussing this typical weather. Starting from mere wind, we ourselves would have than drifted far away. We would have sailed past our experiences, circling through philosophies and then finally blown around spirituality.
I so feel that she is around; really back in Me.
Why else would I have changed my mind to post a different poem in that Poetry Rally? I had decided to put across one of my different poems. Yet, the moment I saw the Invite, instead of posting the decided one, I had animatedly made editions to the current one, posting it without even rethinking. It was only after I had sat brooding, that it occurred to me, that 2 days later happens to be her Death Anniversary.
What could have been better than posting her fave song..?
She had always harped about a Book being an Open window. I have beginning to experience that myself.. for more than 1 reason alone. My Writes have certainly opened me upto the rest of the world- almost the entire Globe, for me to communicate with them; defeating my current situational and geographical limitations. I don’t need any relatives now to hope my well- being. I have discovered a whole new family of my Blog Friends- who take me for what I am and not how they would have preferred Me to be.
I am right now focused to bring upon some changes; some Intense ones, ones those would create some ever-lasting reverberations. I feel the time of that Big Change to hit me, is around. It has sped up to a faster frequency just about today. Tomorrow, will be another morning.
It would mark the beginning of a New Year.
Like how things had changed in 1995; it’s here again. It’s the Payback time. I couldn’t offer homage on her 1st anniversary. The Birla Mandir was locked when I had stepped in. That had never happened to me in the last 17 years! I had to turn back with a heavy heart. Ever since, I have never tried to pay a “tribute”- the traditional way. Instead, I dress up in the most elegant manner, as if for a celebration, sashaying around like a teenager would.
Through the last 17 years, I haven’t mourned about my loss. I had to mourn about my losses throughout the year. No matter what, I had still kept this one day to celebrate. Mom wasn’t someone to be remembered sadly. Then again; why being sad just for 1 day alone? Although I had not been in my happy mood today; I feel it would be better by tomorrow morning.
Do I hear the thunder roar again? It’s been storming almost. Clouds have joined up again to drop rain..
Are they too harmonious over my thoughts?
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Biggest hugs on this day ever…..thinking of you my darling. And I send you so much love…can you feel it ? xoxoxoxox
Yessss Amanda- Thank you so much- I felt it no sooner you posted it.. mwaaaah xxxx
I’m really sorry you have lost your mom at so young age! Tomorrow will be a better day! Sending you my love and thoughts of something new and good to brighen your face with a smile!
I am already so cheered up.. No sooner have I posted this, I get such a lovely comment for me to appreciate.. 🙂
Thankyou My Blaga Girlie.. I so am touched.. Loads and loads of Love My Dear.. xx
if you even need someone to talk to when you feel down … always here! 🙂
I would always need you sweetheart- even when I am happy.. who else would I celebrate my joys with if not with my close ones- like you are..?? 🙂 Lovies My Dear xxxxx 😀
sorry for your loss…
15 years, you are without her, which is a sad reality, it also helps you grow stronger.
Thanks Ji- I appreciated so much on your commenting on this one.. 🙂 sweet hugs- xx