On My Way to Rediscover Myself- VI

Sonia’s wedding was nothing short of a fairy tale sequence.

It was cloudy and soggy. Everything was drenched in rains when we had started from the salon to the venue at 10.30. We were way ahead of our time. Four ladies getting ready and yet on time-  do you sniff of an impossible task actually accomplished?

A mini parade had taken place when we had walked from one building to the adjoining lawn. So when the Alwar city was sat cozy indoors, sipping hot coffee, the bride and her two friends all decked up had walked like a brigade to the venue. The bride wasn’t comfortable to get in the vehicle for that short distance. The vehicle didn’t have a stepper and was quite high from the floor. One had to jump up to get in. It wasn’t convenient with all the tuck pins piercing your dress to “ride” the vehicle again!

Bride’s sister too had joined in soon along with her daughter. “Call me Olivia”- I had declared. No “auntie” business! I love my name, would love to hear that often! A lovely lady that she is, Sonia’s sis had been warm upon our first meeting. We had struck an instant chemistry. It had felt good. I mean this- where do you get all the goodies packed up together..?

We Indians tend to “auntie” n “uncle” anyone n everyone. Often we fail to realize that just dressing up in Indian traditional wouldn’t make you as big as an auntie. One has to be atleast 18- 20 years elder to you. Incidentally, here that was not the issue. I am anti- auntie business. Why the heck weave relationships the very first time? Well, my thoughts are some what different than the average folks around me. They had appreciated my telling that 8 year old to address me with my name. I had appreciated their gesture too.

I was moving around looking for something to eat by then! Practically all of us were starving. It was 11- ish and we were only a cup of tea- fuls down our system. It had started to drizzle without any stops. Just when some hot savories had entered in the room we were sat in; the bride was called in for the ritual. We were all smiles- leaving the hot palette back in the room and walking towards the mandap (pavilion) where the Bride and Groom were to whirl around the fire to solemnize their vows.

The brahmin scholar or the pundit was a jolly good fellow. We had almost died laughing when he spoke in English, trying to explain the meaning of certain verses and the pledges. It was fun- that’s right! I had sat glued next to Sonia. That was the promise I had made to her. I was keeping it by almost shadowing her. Did I tell you I love to attend marriages..? I like the whole concept of solemnization, the holy fire lit up and verses going up in the air in strong Sanskrit accent.

A few gossips about my hair- color and the denim skirt too had happened- 😀 Ravi had heard the pundit asking about my Nationality to Sonia’s dad- LOLsss This is when my head is black and only the length is blonde. I had not colored my hair this time for the occasion since I felt it had not been very lucky for the two years that I had carried this look. I used to touch- up every 3 weeks to conceal my dark brown hair! Maybe I will soon try a new color- either flaming red or cerulean blue or parrot green- any suggestions please?

Greetings and introductions with the groom’s sister were done in between the rituals! While she would tie that sacred cord around the bride’s neck, I would introduce myself. She too was amused. Who wouldn’t feel good at a welcoming smile in between the affair? The wedding ritual was a cozy affair. Only the very close ones were invited over. Refreshments were served along side. As the holy fire went scorching with the offering of clarified butter and other ritualistic incensory ingredients, it rained crazy- almost as if to compete!

I could barely keep away the memories of my own wedding. The day I was married to Lord Ganesha, the similar was the weather. I had to brave a rough thunderstorm to reach the temple where I was then “secretly” given away to the Lord!

Isn’t it strange how the memories of past haunt you from within- even though you may be sat amongst a crowd? Excepting the fact that I am glad I was married to the lord! How many of us get an opportunity like that?

Then what memories haunted me..?

My second marriage..

I had consistently kept checking myself over! I had acted knowingly of the customs. It was tough to keep myself indifferent. It was my friend’s wedding. I couldn’t stay ignorant. Yet, I had declared about nothing. The balancing was eating me from within. This happens to be one of the reasons why I don’t step out to socialize. There exists so many confusions about every thing around me, that the transition kills me from within. Moreover, it isn’t considered auspicious to be talking about things those didn’t work out at the time of new beginnings! Hence, I keep out of social gatherings.

They all want to know what happened. It was in December 2007 that it had ended. I had walked out on him. I had declared it in open. Just what’s the fun of asking about it every time my friends meet me? More than the separation, dealing with people’s attitude was difficult. Worst, the people who claim to be my close ones too fail to understand and get ready to embarrass me without realizing that that’s exactly how it feels. It’s the people around me who make me live my past again n again by talking about it- acting curious about the whole affair. It didn’t work out. I set my self free. I realized that it was a mistake. Big Deal. Why don’t people really move on? It’s them who keep resurrecting the dead whenever it feels convenient!

Either ways, I deal with the past stances with as much Indifference. So I don’t appreciate people asking me about things that do not exist any more. More than embarrassment, I feel frustrated when they keep reminding me of the dead. If only they showed as much enthusiasm in knowing about my present, or mom!

It was fortunate of me to have some one like Sonia with me. I haven’t really spoken of my things to her ever. She checked it all on my Blog. And never questioned or suggested or judged me..!!

So this way, one of my motives of writing it all is being met.