I had thought that that was the end of celebrations- I was soon to be proved wrong.
After Sonia’s mom had dropped all three of us at the resort hotel, I had with an empty mind proceeded towards my room- trying not to think about it! Ravi had stopped me asking over to their room, where I had stayed the 1st night with Sonia- 😉 He had been extra courteous in asking me over for some drinks.
I had taken some time before saying a “yes”. Had this been my older self, I would have said a blatant No!
I used to keep myself limited. No favors taken so none to return- was the logic behind. Ever since I can recall (since I was 2 years of age), I had seen twisted things around me. So much so that people shied away after knowing the details. Right from blood relations to relatives, to friends, to my crush, they have all taken their tail in hand before turning away. I could not as much as touch their arse while they had turned themselves away. Things have been as worse as this that I never celebrated my birthday or any other day for that matter. I was blessed that my friends did so for me, more often. The way the things were at my end, I may have ended up failing my friends just when they may have needed my help. I used to practically keep myself absorbed in sorting my own crisis. How to really think of things beyond my own issues- especially when it comes to survival..?
Things aren’t conducive; only, somewhat sorted- so is my perception towards dealing with them. I no longer feel it’s my testing time. I have learnt to balance on the rocks. It may seem that I am either arrogant or completely ignorant about the veracities; such is my acceptance to those. Instead of sitting a morose dodo over it; I now stay cheered up at all times, as if am a celebrity. As a matter of fact, more goodness has come in return to celebrate my new found state of being! I have attained a level where I enjoy all that’s happening with all my heart and mind and yet remain un- attached. Perhaps, now I have mastered the art of being Indifferent completely. I join but don’t expect. I don’t hold it against anyone.
All this and much more had fluttered in my mind in those few seconds after which I had dropped a grinning yes.
Why to restrict myself from enjoying? Someone who I had met only a day back, had welcomed me over to chat and share. I was to feel honored and snatching the offer. Then again, I am not to hold myself back for things now. If I could take the ugly ones in my stride, I should be more than welcoming the better ones. This invitation was about bonding and sharing; about making more contacts and not about hitting a dead mark.
My school of thoughts had rewarded me in more ways than one.
Drinks were enjoyed, but more was the discussion. I had participated in NaNoWriMo challenge this year. That being a November, I had kept myself focused towards my topic of writes- spirituality. There- the 3 of us were sat talking about it over drinks! I mean, what if I had said a “No” as I used to till sometime back? I would have lost an opportunity to
- Connect with new people and an opportunity to learn newer things
- Bond as in human to human
- Share my views and in return, appreciate theirs
- Talk about spirituality from a different perspective altogether (yes, that too)
Clearly, I would have lost a golden opportunity to freak out!
Just why not? I was blessed to have been given this wedding to re- invent myself. I have been feeling it down my veins. If I had restricted myself, I would have failed to grab this moment. My efforts to read my intuitions and decipher would have been spent. To reach a conclusion, one would have to conduct a few experiments. Here, my 1st experiment itself would have had gone wasted. I would have never discovered that this indeed was “the time” I was talking about since long. The momentum had never been built and lost without exploring!
Hit me on my head. That’s how I brood about everything now. I think and am thoughtful. Instead of watching a horror movie (that I don’t really) and thinking of how the encounter with that ghost could have been avoided or what was that thing that zapped out of the lead actress’s abdomen; I focus on understanding the basic happenings.
I had a lovely discussion over myriad things with two very beautiful people. I had thanked my stars for giving me yet another day (and night) to laugh about and balance the previous morose stances. It was an utter delight to watch that so many new people had found me worth enough to talk to. I am friendly- I definitely am. Just that I used to dawn such “stay away/don’t mess” look prior to this.
So am I done with this look then? How else they had wanted to talk to me?
5 drinks later, at 3ish, I had walked down straight to my room. I had not wanted anyone to escort (my peeve of handling my things on my own) and hence that. I anyways had wished to walk down the compound at night like how spirits do. Ohh, that’s yet another one of my peeves. Walking around in the middle of night! I had wanted to the 1st night itself. Since Sonia had stayed with me, I was more careful about her safety. I had told her that I would have ventured out if were alone. I had said so in that very room. So, that very room had fulfilled my wish. Wait, it also did some more things. It was the same room I had talked about spirituality even the 1st day (or night) with Sonia!
It was uncanny- of course.
I was to leave the next day for my home. Since the next day was yet another day for some more rituals for the newly- weds, I wasn’t expecting to see Sonia before leaving for traveling back. She was to travel to Jodhpur, the next to next day.
The next morning, I was in for a surprise.