It doesn’t seem to be a beast anymore- instead, it’s a thing of Beauty now!
A beauty that is waiting to elevate my state of being for all to see me stood there so they can applaud.
I have talked to my friends at length about dealing with my fear of seeing a plane from a closer angle.
- One of them said that I should think of it as if a humongous rubber! 😎 (I am a woman!!)
- Yet another one told me that it won’t scare me if I try and visualize myself flying. “But what about those dark engines..?” Those are the ones that would fly that sweet craft.. Sweet of her indeed.
- Someone made me imagine the engine being a citrus juicer.. wow!! Not bad- if this is how I get to talk about these roaring steel birds, I am sure that I’ll scream the day I stand next to one- this time with joy. Flying is no big deal- I know. Only a couple of extra bills or notes would get me a paper ticket that would send me on a joy ride.
However, for me it is one hell of a deal. The bigger one to that is to see that craft watching me walk forward- without I becoming a puddle of wobbly jelly! I could almost see the cockpit, snorting at me, its windows being its wicked eyes, with open wings welcoming me pretentiously, waiting quietly perched on its wheel for me to fall prey. No sooner would I go closer, it would run its huge engines on me, making me unable to move- before it engulfs me.
I have been trying to see those planes at un- earthy hours on my computer screen. I feel a little uneasy at the cockpit staring at me (snorting thingie- remember..?), but I jump around no more. I keep imagining the huge buildings to be one of those- with extended stairs for me to walk in. I try and think of those as Metro Trains on mega- wheels. Of course with stairs extended for me to walk in, while the black engines swear their avenge watching on me closely! Perhaps they are fixed on the wings to tell me that they “see” me..
Do you now feel how entrapped I am in my phobia?
While watching those Morning Pigeons– the ones who have been waking me up at 7-ish since last 4 months (!%$#%^@!), I try and imagine those to be smaller version of these planes. Their beaks being the cockpit, the beady eyes the cockpit window and wings as wings. What else.. ah there are no engines.. sigh of relief! I do hold these birdies often in my hands to play around. Infact a black fat one with white spots has also joined the neighborhood group! I have already clicked the single white one in the group..
Sorry.. I was sharing about how I freak out when these mean machines pass from over my head, teasing me that they are “watching” on me. There, I go again!!
Where I stay now, the airport is very nearby!
During my work tenure with Convergys, while traveling to Rohini, I would peep out of my cab, to see one of those planes stood on the run- way. It seemed those were on exhibition, for me to see and appreciate. Gradually, I started looking up in the sky to watch those planes screeching to land a couple of kilometres away. Just to watch a few of those, I had walked from the Mahipalpur Crossing to the CCD on that road at the left side, some 2 years back.
When the new airport became functional, it looked pretty- watching those crafts landing.. take- off. Today, I stood half hour at the road- side to watch those flying beauties take off and land. What a sight it was!! 11 of those crawled in queue, to allow land 2 of those, before one taking its turn to run to take off and fly away. The roar of the engines was as if calling me towards those.
The engines didn’t scare me today. Neither did the sound! If at all, it seemed that all of them exhibited their skills to cat- walk on ramp. Of course.. what else than that? A big slender body running on proportionately smaller wheels and in a perfect straight line. Like a belly dancer, it had opened its wing showing what all it could do with its shapely figure.
I almost see those cockpits blushing!!
For a few months I had harbored a thought if I was because of some ugly encounter in one of my previous births. Like how Sita was abducted by Ravana..!! LOLss Then again, I idolize Ravana. Then for a few days I had held that maybe I am scared for a reason- maybe I’ll never land once I board.. 😐
I have started to believe that the day I fly, I’ll fly away! Away from my present and the mundaneness of it. To come back never ever. That would be the moment that would carve my destiny as I have been wanting it to be. It would bring about a change in Me again how I have been waiting for it to be. My lost hopes, designs and desires; I have started sketching all of those once again. This time with fierce determination to achieve it and soon.
I know the path and am walking.
Anytime I have dealt with my apprehension, I have been rewarded better than I could anticipate. Once that happens yet again; that would be it. I would need nothing more since that would give me all I want for myself.
I want the Universe.
I want to shine as the biggest sun across the horizon through the Eternity.
Maybe, I need to wait a little more!
I had planned to board one soon.. in a day’s time actually. That didn’t materialize this time.. 😦 Then again, there’s some other change that is tapping my Destiny this time. Let me go and embrace that for now.
Perhaps, that change would bring upon The Change I have been anticipating since long now..