It’s been a year since I started to blog!
It was one Sunday afternoon, on 28th March, 2010, when I had just finished reading how some blogger loved to eat at the Delhi local markets in HT (Hindustan Times- newspaper). Her blog was featured and so was she. It had definitely earned my attention.
Infact; it had affected me more than that.
Thinking of how “blogging” had printed her in a newspaper; I had decided to give it a try. It was a simple post highlighting an insignificant open sky tea- stall. So; if she could, so could I.
I wanted to blog since long.
I had known of blog writing way before it was popular in my country (India). I would often tell my friends that perhaps I should start writing blogs. They would only nod. They liked what I talked about and I wanted to share it with the world. Things were very different then. I could never really write one.
When I decided to; it seemed I was left way beyond any learning.
Besides what I had written when in school, there were more things that had accumulated! I had almost yearned to write. The reality check was cruel. I knew nothing about the technicalities of blogging. I had my writes in place to post- didn’t know how to. The day I realized I could jazz it up with images; my joys knew no bounds! An unending phase of “self- study” had begun- making me cry while typing. I had no time to waste so while I would sob at my incompetency; I would type away the words. Almost all the posts made me go sniff.. sniff.. sob..!
How Spiritual Gurus felt getting overwhelmed with the power of knowledge; I came to know then.
I wanted to speak, to share; to communicate with the world. Like how awakening does; this feeling to share had melted away the geographical limitations. It didn’t matter who read me- as long as I was able to share. It was as if- I was wanting to become elemental like- pure, and sustaining by ownself and all pervading.
I am a typical combo of being an introvert and open minded.
This is why I came out as a happy-go-lucky-girl who only smiled. A wry, know-it-all, see-through-all smile. Almost indifferent! Often people confuse the definition of one with the other. It was difficult to make my friends realize that I didn’t want to talk! Being selective about the topics with fast friends; seemed like deceiving them. The safe way was to stop communicating with all. No point explaining because I am already in a mess. A plastic smile pasted on your face works best when you meet strangers. If they don’t get a clue, they won’t scrape. They let go of you if you hide it behind that illusive smile.
Been there, done that- know it all..
My Life so far has been like a sinking boat, without an ore- in a stormy night. If the boat is to be sailed, I need an ore. If the boat is to be floated (instead of sink); the storm has to cease. I wanted to share all about that; atleast the ones that were technically done away with. While I am in a phase; talking about it is like doubling the pain. Someone knowing about what’s up with me makes it triple- folded. Sharing about an ongoing episode is a trauma.
Let me explain.
You feel excited when someone wishes you on your birthday. The same excitement gets somewhat dimmed with each passing day. Likewise, it hurts to talk when I’m depressed. Then again, there wasn’t anything exciting to talk about anyways. Closing myself seemed to be the safest option!
One day it reached its pinnacle.
Like a Universal Bing Bang, my self- imposed exile ended. I started to write in my blog a year back. The years I had spent struggling to survive, had created a Black Hole. My life experiences, brooding and words could no longer fit into that dark space. Two years of compressing my vision, had worked against it.
It burst. Maybe that’s how Universes are created.
Ever since then, I am whirling like some cosmic body left in space spinning through different electro- magnetic fields.
How does it feel?
I hadn’t seen this coming. All I had concentrated upon was to write. Now that I am here; I feel that it’s not time yet to stop and look back.
I choose to walk forward.
Filed under I, Me, Myself. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.
~*~*~Submitted for Magpie Tales~*~*~