Transitional Spring

This is my state of mind at present.

I could see it approaching. I strongly feel that I am undergoing a transitional phase. Simplest of the facts are making me sob. I am unable to enjoy anything else other than brooding, analyzing and yes crying! The similarity of the stances are so eerie that I am barely able take control of myself.

I have never been able to take transition sportingly! I don’t make a mess of myself outwardly, but my inner- self gets shattered. I get broken into many pieces. None of those shards reflect upon nicer things. Once the phase is on; I go extra sensitive- crying over practically everything. Even watching comedies make me cry then. Everything seems to be choking me up with emotions.

I feel helpless when in transitional phase.

Recently, a thought about it seemed to make more sense than any of it had before this. That is how I am. It is because of this that I get annoyed if someone wakes me up from my sleep! Long after I am awake, I don’t speak. No matter what the time of the day that may be or how long I may have rested; I keep myself somewhat detached so I don’t have to speak. Needless to say that my cell too is put on silent mode. Similar thing goes on in the evenings too! A few close friends beside, I don’t take calls. Maybe, being on my own helps- I know no one needs me.

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Another fact that I noticed about Nature is that it is the Fall/Autumn and Spring that colors the surroundings. I enjoy watching the season change gradually. In Fall, the nature dawns an yellowish to orangish red color veil to declare of its joyous mood. It starts shedding the older leaves as if to prepare to conceive the newer growth. It starts to become pleasant. Infact, most of the festivals too are timed around then. Likewise it is with Spring too. Flowers, butterflies and rainbows, they all “spring” up together.

“Transition” is a phase, an overlapping inter- mediatory link connecting both the to become “past” and about to become the “future”. It is a travel, a journey. A period when the experiments are being conducted. It can be also described as the flow of electricity from the nearest transmitter to the electrical appliance through a conductor. It’s the process, the happening, the actual flow of energy. It is alright to feel somewhat uncomfortable. In order to light a match, it has to be struck- so that’s fine. I need not be so tough on myself for being anxious.

It’s the dawn and the evening time of the day. It is the process of the eventuality to strike. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, I ought to savor each “changing” day as it comes- watching the minutest of the overlap closely. It can’t be a full moon every night! In between the “silence” and “order”, there lies a huge range of chaotic disorder. It isn’t black n white always. The major portion tends to stay grey. The blending has to happen or else it’ll look patchy.

As I write it down here; in my mind, all processes are breaking down in terms of Initiation- Transition- Accomplishment. Life itself is a travel, so how can the phases stay isolated? From being Ignorant to Intellect, there lies a few steps in between. These could be observation, realization, conclusion, acquisition (of knowledge) amongst others; not necessarily in the same order though.

I love to travel more than reaching the destination; so might as well now enjoy the phases overlapping time too! It doesn’t tire me at all. I love to stay awake watching the passing by serenes and take notes (mentally). There are long years of study from being illiterate to school graduate. It can’t be easy always.

Let it storm around.
Bring in some rain.
It’s become all a mess.
It needs to be cleansed!

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About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My mind and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Transitional Spring

  1. Sam says:

    I can relate to your state Olivia… My state lately has been in turbulence… I admire how you put it all out here… And yes the travel is always far interesting… So just feel what you have to feel and let your self find the path for the new phase… Hugs xxx

    • Olivia says:

      Thank you so much Sam!

      Your words make me feel good. The best suggestions are when no suggestions are made. Very few let you be what you want to be.
      I believe things are working out at your end too! I strongly believe life’s a travel so transitions are but natural to happen..

      Thank you again..
      Mega Hugs xoxox

  2. Jingle says:

    admirable way to express your uneasy mindset …at times, we all feel the blow of life, there are moments you simply not sure what you are doing and where you are…

    you are doing great..
    simply let time go loose, keep the positive energy run, and count your blessings…

    you rock.
    bless you.

    🙂

  3. Bodhirose says:

    I find that the universe’s energy has moved in an up and down pattern for me. I too have not always been very graceful through the “down” and trying periods. But, I’m like you too and very sensitive and have learned to accept this part of me and not be so tough on myself. It’s helped the journey go smoother for me.

    You have so much courage to put yourself out here so we can know we aren’t alone in our travels and travails. Thank you, Olivia! xoxo

    • Olivia says:

      Wow Gayle,
      That’s the best I have heard this morning! I am touched!!

      Infact, I am now trying to love every change that is happening. I knew something different was happening when I was noticing the weather change of the seasonal change so closely.. Ever since I have started to write, I have been watching at a microscopic level it seems. Prior to this it was only under a magnifying glass- lols

      For every word I speak or a change of vocab; I know the reason and cause. I could explain it better than any psychiatrist could. It feels strange that I am watching over myself so closely.. 🙂 A lot of fellow bloggers have expressed their thoughts, stating the fact that they themselves may be going through one!

      For some one like me, who is always undergoing some or the other change, I maybe a free radical.. the unstable electrons of the atom.. lolss
      Thank you for your kind and loving words..

      Love n Hugs xoxox

      • Bodhirose says:

        As we fully come to know ourselves, I think our freedom can be found. It can be painful to look at things so closely and be a “free radical”–but you know those electrons have a very important function don’t they!

        You are perfectly perfect!

        Hugs… xoxo

        • Olivia says:

          Thank you so much for offering such comfortable words.. as I was lying down waiting for the electricity to be back, staring at the ceiling; I was trying to see what’s next!
          All I could see was wanting to move away for good from my current pattern of life. Absolutely no complaints with whatever I have- but it is the choice that I am wanting to make.

          I wouldn’t want to “sour” any relationship/arrangement; yet, it’s time “these” be left away.. 🙂 Was this ever a relationship to begin with? I know the answer now and too well.
          No matter however headstrong a woman be; she needs to be financially independent to command respect! Just so many words are choked up in my throat. This is not the time yet to throw up.. the fire to rebel will go out otherwise.

          Thank you Gayle. If you believe I have it in me; then I ought to be a fool to not act upon it! I have a humongous task lined up in front of me. A path that I had taken to travel since I started to blog, has to be taken on the next dimension. I am all set! The only thing that hit me initially was the fact that it’s already begun to change. Good for me. I hope I din’t lose much time before realization hit me.

          Mundane things
          Change required

          Hugs xoxoxoxox

          • Bodhirose says:

            You’re welcome, Olivia. We can only go forward from this moment–no use in looking back with regret–it does not serve our best interest.

            Good for you for change on its way!

            Hugs and love,
            Gayle

            • Olivia says:

              Thank you Dear One.. your presence is making it better! All by oneself becomes dragging at times..
              I am blessed to have found you whereby we share such ‘personal” thoughts with each other and appreciate those at the same time too!

              It’s time already
              Hugs xox

            • Bodhirose says:

              I am blessed too to be able to share. I’m very happy if my presence brings you some comfort.

              Courage to us both! xoxo

            • Olivia says:

              To both of us- CHEERS n LOVELY LIFE AHEAD!!
              Hugs xox

  4. Mama Zen says:

    You are so right when you say that it is all right to be somewhat uncomfortable. Sometimes, I have a hard time remembering that.

  5. Pingback: Transition « Olivia's In- Mind Whirls..

  6. Sam373 says:

    IN the autumn of life, mistakes and bad decisions die and the winter cold sterilizes in a different way. Early Spring washes away then reinvigorate the soil to incubating seeds deposited by magical winds. Then I began to grow anew, to become and mature before I die again. How about you?

  7. joanny says:

    Olivia:

    Transitional soul stirring visions of the inner most heart, tears cleanse the soul and water the flowers ready to bloom in our hearts and as mysteriously as the seed that sprouts and reaching toward the sun, your own voice will sing again and add joyful music to the world. Keep writing your poetry.

    warm wishes for a lovely joyful day,
    joanny

    • Olivia says:

      Thank you Joanny! Thank you once again for the kind comment!
      You just made me smile effortlessly.. wishing you a beautiful day Dear One xox

  8. I can relate to the inner self getting shattered and the sensitivity. The Vedic new year begins this Monday. That seems more appropriate to me as a new year, especially since we spent the day working outside, planning gardens and doing yard work.

    • Olivia says:

      Thank you so much for your so kind words! Community I have been a part of (I don’t relate to it anymore) observes it to be the New Year day!
      What you said makes sense. This world is a small place indeed.. Didn’t know things would come back to me this way.. 🙂

      Hugs x

  9. May tears and rain wash your heart and mind clear
    to find joy and peace in the leaves, buds and trees.

    xoxo

    • Olivia says:

      Ain’t you a lovely, adorable and a friend all should have one?
      Thank you so much Jannie Dear.. 🙂 Your wishes make me feel so good!

      Hugs x

  10. Becca Givens says:

    This is a transitional phase for me as well … this time around, however, I am going to enjoy it … appreciate the cleansing so I can emerge refreshed and anew … this gives me hope! The end of the “coma” is in sight! 🙂

    • Olivia says:

      yay!!!
      That’s what, it has a positive note attached to it. Why see it as the end of the last phase? Let’s see it as the beginning of the new phase.. 🙂
      I am happy for you Beccs 😀

      It’ll all leave you refreshed and more happy!!
      Hugs xxx

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