This is my state of mind at present.
I could see it approaching. I strongly feel that I am undergoing a transitional phase. Simplest of the facts are making me sob. I am unable to enjoy anything else other than brooding, analyzing and yes crying! The similarity of the stances are so eerie that I am barely able take control of myself.
I have never been able to take transition sportingly! I don’t make a mess of myself outwardly, but my inner- self gets shattered. I get broken into many pieces. None of those shards reflect upon nicer things. Once the phase is on; I go extra sensitive- crying over practically everything. Even watching comedies make me cry then. Everything seems to be choking me up with emotions.
I feel helpless when in transitional phase.
Recently, a thought about it seemed to make more sense than any of it had before this. That is how I am. It is because of this that I get annoyed if someone wakes me up from my sleep! Long after I am awake, I don’t speak. No matter what the time of the day that may be or how long I may have rested; I keep myself somewhat detached so I don’t have to speak. Needless to say that my cell too is put on silent mode. Similar thing goes on in the evenings too! A few close friends beside, I don’t take calls. Maybe, being on my own helps- I know no one needs me.
Another fact that I noticed about Nature is that it is the Fall/Autumn and Spring that colors the surroundings. I enjoy watching the season change gradually. In Fall, the nature dawns an yellowish to orangish red color veil to declare of its joyous mood. It starts shedding the older leaves as if to prepare to conceive the newer growth. It starts to become pleasant. Infact, most of the festivals too are timed around then. Likewise it is with Spring too. Flowers, butterflies and rainbows, they all “spring” up together.
“Transition” is a phase, an overlapping inter- mediatory link connecting both the to become “past” and about to become the “future”. It is a travel, a journey. A period when the experiments are being conducted. It can be also described as the flow of electricity from the nearest transmitter to the electrical appliance through a conductor. It’s the process, the happening, the actual flow of energy. It is alright to feel somewhat uncomfortable. In order to light a match, it has to be struck- so that’s fine. I need not be so tough on myself for being anxious.
It’s the dawn and the evening time of the day. It is the process of the eventuality to strike. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, I ought to savor each “changing” day as it comes- watching the minutest of the overlap closely. It can’t be a full moon every night! In between the “silence” and “order”, there lies a huge range of chaotic disorder. It isn’t black n white always. The major portion tends to stay grey. The blending has to happen or else it’ll look patchy.
As I write it down here; in my mind, all processes are breaking down in terms of Initiation- Transition- Accomplishment. Life itself is a travel, so how can the phases stay isolated? From being Ignorant to Intellect, there lies a few steps in between. These could be observation, realization, conclusion, acquisition (of knowledge) amongst others; not necessarily in the same order though.
I love to travel more than reaching the destination; so might as well now enjoy the phases overlapping time too! It doesn’t tire me at all. I love to stay awake watching the passing by serenes and take notes (mentally). There are long years of study from being illiterate to school graduate. It can’t be easy always.
Let it storm around.
Bring in some rain.
It’s become all a mess.
It needs to be cleansed!