Snooze Tense

To be able to sleep at a time that I so want to; is a luxury I’ve come to enjoy only lately. A turbulent childhood and an equally chaotic adulthood later; it was but natural to have lost sleep over it.

Only a few months back I had been whining about not been able to sleep enough!

The last few years have been a huge façade over some very disturbing realities. At the same time, it has also been a period of healing. The seemingly unending brooding during my having become a recluse has resulted in spiritual realizations and self evolution. Not only many things have worked out; but also have I become “normal”. By that I mean like someone who hasn’t seen it all. I don’t pretend; I never had even back then. Although people have again started taking me for an uncomplicated one- lols

I still am the way I was- judgmental. Only now, I don’t let others know of it. I let them abuse as many opportunities to miserably fail eventually. Now, the things don’t affect my state of being any longer than a few blinks. I don’t lose my sleep over it- not anymore. On the contrary, I’ve come to conclude that anytime I’m unable to sleep- over, is because something may not be going too well. It has almost become a precognitive feature of an approaching and much avoidable botheration.

At other times (or most of the times), I feel terribly sleepy. Booze is out for the last 2 months. I have never been a compulsive drinker anyways. Yet those petty few pegs once in 3-4 days are also gone now. I do enjoy sipping through cups of teas n coffees. There have been nights when I drunk a mega mug just before hitting the bed. Quite likewise, there were midnights when I would have had an early breakfast with a mega size coffee mug thrown in. I would feel tipsy the moment I would sip from it. I know this is exactly the opposite of what the medical science says.

I can now straighten my back anywhere around the house and feel in paradise. I may crouch up on the living room box bed or the couch to take a short nap. I have carried on the whole of my day practically snoozing around up on the different sleeping arrangements and yet go snoring when the night came. After years of following American calendar (and no sleep even in day-time) while working with Convergys; I now can enchantingly doze off in the afternoons in a brightly lit room without any curtains! All other sleep habits remain unaltered:

  • Light sleep. Even a feather floating around would wake me up.
  • No phone calls
  • Sleepy again by the day end.. yawn
  • Feeling cranky after waking up!

Note: The term “snore’ is only an expression used to synonymate sleep. I don’t snore. zzzz

I am undergoing a phase of Transition. I realized that 2 months back. Yet, I sleep like nobody’s business. I am back to being myself again. Carefree, self sufficient and contented! I don’t step or go out; spending the whole of my day practically homebound, eating a well- balanced diet. I do watch TV for my daily dose of soaps that I have been following since the last few years now (whew!!) No phone calls, conversations and day full of computer work and blogging; I feel as exhausted as one would feel after a mile’s run..!

Yawn..!

It feels heaven like- to sprawl upon a creaseless bed sheet, stretching (or coiling as the case may be), closing the peepers tight shut, wavering in mind thoughts of sleeping away in oblivion. The most intriguing part is that you don’t realize falling asleep. I do. The thoughts suddenly start clashing into one another. The dining table would become mess or soon there may be no hotel lobby I was walking through. The celebration noise would sound chaotic. That’s when my mind jolts me up to tell me that I am about to fall asleep. I smile; hugging myself in mind, I give in.

_______________________

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About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My mind and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Snooze Tense

  1. Pingback: Going Dead « Olivia's In- Mind Whirls..

  2. Bodhirose says:

    I’ve gone through different phases from being able to drop off to sleep in mere minutes to staying awake with high anxiety for days at a time (thank God that was a rare occurrence). Sometimes I can tell my sleep disturbance is due to some body pain like my neck bothering me–a quick adjustment from the chiropractor helps my neck and my sleep.

    I can tell when I’m falling asleep too. My thoughts change and I start “dreaming” before my eyes finally slam shut and I drift off to lala land! 🙂

    • Olivia says:

      Beautiful!!

      That’s right, it does happen that way indeed Gayle.. I maybe darn sleepy but anxiety keeps me awake- like last night.. I could sleep only for a couple of hours. My boss made sure to call up early and I couldn’t sleep till late as well (he seems to be the devil who is making sure I don’t remain angelic myself)

      Anyways, I have to live with it!!Pain in the neck? I could sleep for a week at a stretch. It wasn’t that usual stiffness that strikes. It was different. Even the slightest movement made me scream. I couldn’t lift my arm for good 10 days! Now all fine.. 🙂

      Thanks for talking about the lala land right in the morning.. your last line is a killer- like salt sprinkled on my bleeding wound.. yikes!! Just fooling around
      Hugs xox

      • Bodhirose says:

        Sorry about that. We’re in totally different time zones of course. It’s now 1:13AM. I need to get to bed!

        Goodnight–or is it good morning for you?

        xoxo Hugs

        • Olivia says:

          Oh yeah….
          It was my morning.. after no electricity for 7 hours at a stretch, I have logged in just now..!!

          The sooner I was about to sli(ee)p away.. my boss again called up half hour back- I hate him!!
          I hope you slept peacefully..

          Morning kisses (for you) now xx

          • Bodhirose says:

            Good morning! xxx Had a pretty peaceful sleep.

            Why was the electricity off? Is that a normal thing to happen periodically? And what’s wrong with your boss–does he really need to bother you so much?

            Hope you have a good day today, Olivia!

            Hugs…

            • Olivia says:

              Hey Morning lady,

              good to know you had slept well.. 🙂 Summers are usually that way… today it was bad! The maintenance guys had forgotten to switch on the fuse.. no power for 7 hours.. 😦
              all good now!!

              Transition = my boss.. makes sense? Had a real fight with him.. now all well after that.. 😀

              Hugs
              xoxox

            • Bodhirose says:

              OK! Yes, makes sense. Good you had that fight I guess and you cleared the air with him. 🙂

              Hope your day is a relaxing one.

              xoxo

            • Olivia says:

              The evening sure was.. 😉
              No cleaning of air- only pretending.. 😀 I am not a good girl.. 😈

              Read “in between”.. a lot is going on.. I need to clean that up once n for all.. sending you warm wishes for a beautiful day ahead.. Hugs xxxxx

            • Bodhirose says:

              I’m sure you know best how to deal with the situation. It can be so challenging to deal with difficult people, especially those you have to work with.

              Lots of love… xoxo

            • Olivia says:

              lolsss
              All is going to change.. very soon. “Steps” initiated! Did that yesterday- Friday I mean! Thank you for your blessing. Some thing concrete and big is coming up..

              My stepping up starts now..
              Wishing you a very nice day ahead! Hugs xoxoxoxox

  3. I could really relate, being an insomniac my whole life, and thus obsessed with the issue of sleep. I liked it, especially your final paragraph.

    • Olivia says:

      lolsss.. you could relate to it indeed!
      That’s how it has been with me too.. 🙂

      Thank you for stopping by and reading about my latest obsession! xx

  4. Sam373 says:

    To be content within and without is a place most people seldom find.

  5. Pingback: Hypnotized « Olivia's In- Mind Whirls..

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