To be able to sleep at a time that I so want to; is a luxury I’ve come to enjoy only lately. A turbulent childhood and an equally chaotic adulthood later; it was but natural to have lost sleep over it.
Only a few months back I had been whining about not been able to sleep enough!
The last few years have been a huge façade over some very disturbing realities. At the same time, it has also been a period of healing. The seemingly unending brooding during my having become a recluse has resulted in spiritual realizations and self evolution. Not only many things have worked out; but also have I become “normal”. By that I mean like someone who hasn’t seen it all. I don’t pretend; I never had even back then. Although people have again started taking me for an uncomplicated one- lols
I still am the way I was- judgmental. Only now, I don’t let others know of it. I let them abuse as many opportunities to miserably fail eventually. Now, the things don’t affect my state of being any longer than a few blinks. I don’t lose my sleep over it- not anymore. On the contrary, I’ve come to conclude that anytime I’m unable to sleep- over, is because something may not be going too well. It has almost become a precognitive feature of an approaching and much avoidable botheration.
At other times (or most of the times), I feel terribly sleepy. Booze is out for the last 2 months. I have never been a compulsive drinker anyways. Yet those petty few pegs once in 3-4 days are also gone now. I do enjoy sipping through cups of teas n coffees. There have been nights when I drunk a mega mug just before hitting the bed. Quite likewise, there were midnights when I would have had an early breakfast with a mega size coffee mug thrown in. I would feel tipsy the moment I would sip from it. I know this is exactly the opposite of what the medical science says.
I can now straighten my back anywhere around the house and feel in paradise. I may crouch up on the living room box bed or the couch to take a short nap. I have carried on the whole of my day practically snoozing around up on the different sleeping arrangements and yet go snoring when the night came. After years of following American calendar (and no sleep even in day-time) while working with Convergys; I now can enchantingly doze off in the afternoons in a brightly lit room without any curtains! All other sleep habits remain unaltered:
- Light sleep. Even a feather floating around would wake me up.
- No phone calls
- Sleepy again by the day end.. yawn
- Feeling cranky after waking up!
Note: The term “snore’ is only an expression used to synonymate sleep. I don’t snore. zzzz
I am undergoing a phase of Transition. I realized that 2 months back. Yet, I sleep like nobody’s business. I am back to being myself again. Carefree, self sufficient and contented! I don’t step or go out; spending the whole of my day practically homebound, eating a well- balanced diet. I do watch TV for my daily dose of soaps that I have been following since the last few years now (whew!!) No phone calls, conversations and day full of computer work and blogging; I feel as exhausted as one would feel after a mile’s run..!
It feels heaven like- to sprawl upon a creaseless bed sheet, stretching (or coiling as the case may be), closing the peepers tight shut, wavering in mind thoughts of sleeping away in oblivion. The most intriguing part is that you don’t realize falling asleep. I do. The thoughts suddenly start clashing into one another. The dining table would become mess or soon there may be no hotel lobby I was walking through. The celebration noise would sound chaotic. That’s when my mind jolts me up to tell me that I am about to fall asleep. I smile; hugging myself in mind, I give in.