Previous- End of Innocence
Things those are lost, find its own unique way to go back to you. Often in a way you may have not expected.
Although I have let go of what had happened back then- maybe because I met someone as wonderful as Ruby, or maybe because Himanshu failed me yet again and exactly how I had thought of him; I dreamt of that one more time.
For years, the nightmares have awakened me up from my disturbed sleep pattern. My entire class had stopped talking to me from the very next day. Not even the so called “best friends” wanted to see me in the eye! I was called names and ridiculed no end. I am yet to know the reason of that behavioral transformation myself- not that I care for anymore. My close friends were the ones who had done that to me. The same group of people, I am back in touch with- once again. I don’t hold any grudge against any one anymore. If at all, it let me see his true colors when still very young!
Manish Gupta had remained friends with me. It was only much later that a few of them had started talking to me. Those were the final exam days when Bimal would wish me luck. Tanu had still remained friends- Gaurav was neutral!
Yet again I dreamt of- I asking Manish what exactly was anyone’s problem that they had chosen to alienate me; the same night! I had narrated the incident to Ruby’s eldest sister in the day; dis- passionately though. It was about how Himanshu had also decided to not speak with me. It was then that I had concluded that a boy who couldn’t go against a class full 37 students would never gather enough courage to settle down for an inter- caste alliance and with a background of someone like that of mine.
Years later- I was proven just darn right!
As if I had known that nothing was to eventually happen about the two of us; I had requested him for his snap. That was when I studied in 6th standard; a year back before that incident had killed the charm of studying in that school.
I have now witnessed to all the silver linings.
Whatever happened has changed my life for sure. Already, my father had walked out on us. Then, my class- mates had alienated me. We had shifted our house and then the school too- it was a new change- over for me. I could never adapt to so many changes happening at the same time. But that was only a glimpse of what was to come. Ever since my transitions have been giving too many things to deal with- making me learn in the process- a complete change from the past and an unknown future to get used to.
That snap I had kept requesting for; was never obtained. He had definitely not given any weightage to my request. I wasn’t any vocal about my feelings for him- but I guess that and my writing this here shows how much I felt for him even back then. The Birthday Party snaps were nice- again, he had not given me the copies. I hadn’t insisted much either. I used to keep busy with my rehearsals for extracurricular activities. I have barely been shot with the class. I am glad Paul sir had insisted upon I also getting clicked with the class. Who was to know that I would get to see that snap yet again after all these years- 21 years to be precise if not more!
I have always believed strongly upon my fate. I get whatever I want- maybe in a highly unexpected manner. I lose all the charm by then- but that’s a very small price that I pay in turn!
I am done feeling nostalgic. A feeling of enormity has crept in, in place of feeling vulnerable now. I didn’t go tears anymore. I laughed it off….
Filed under My Life Instances. Follow the link for Continuity, Relevance or Reference.