Imagine a roomful of kids (or gown- ups; as you may) asked to draw random circles on a plain sheet of paper. A myriad presentation of unending lines would appear on your table; upon submission. Some would be concentric, yet others would be as if polka dots (if filled). Some of those may conform to a certain pattern; yet others may be completely abstract. One of the sheets may have a pattern where all circles maybe touching each other at the same point. A sheet would pop up where all circles maybe running in like looped in each other. If you combine all of those results; that’s how my state of being has been for the past few months.
It started with a very sweet intuition.
The acceptance was killing and that’s an understatement. Apparently I hit the stage one of the anticipated transition where realization squeezed every bit of complacence from my cells. In the process, I realized how uncomfortable all of this had been; yet, I had kept up with it! To have come to terms with the fact that I have no option other than to stick around with it still; was as stabbing as the repercussions of the few other mishappenings in my life. An arrangement couldn’t graduate to a relationship. It had hit the dead end even before an initiation. I was put back to scratch one.
This 1st phase of transition had brought out many gone past stances back to my mind.
It was uncomfortable to feel how I had felt back during those times. I was steered back to when I was left on my own at 17; exactly 17 years back. I was then fast forwarded to my wedding time- when I had quit work, only to go back to job hunting in 15 days’ time. Each time, I was pushed back and farther from being an average alive human being.
I am passing through the stage 2 of my transition.
This is when the most of the changes take place. The primary changes which leave secondary effects too. Adapting happens now. All turbulences hit at this point. Just when you might have made yourself acquainted; the 3rd phase would arrive bringing in the tertiary changes. I am preparing myself for taking those in my stride, right from here. Like before, I will leave no room for any delusions. Needless to say; no man would now get any opportunity to carve me out of my setting.
Once again; I have started afresh with all my diligence resurrected.