Self- ish Thoughts

I had so wanted to write about the new book I am writing in this post. I will do that here; however, this would be the concluding page or so I think for now. I am now writing the last page of that new book. The first few chapters have been drafted, there’s a lot to be written in between, perhaps volumes; however, I feel this may be the conclusion. Then again, I may eventually get to write a series without really coming to an end- my mind still tells me that this would not be the desired end. That there’s more to it and if I write the concluding chapter now, I’ll have to re-do it again.

Last few days I tried reading my mind really hard.

Breaking all patterns of keeping it to myself; I had shared my current things with people around me. Sampada was one of them- no points for guessing. For once I didn’t hold myself back and went about discussing all that I had wanted to. I most definitely love this side of me- how I used to be. Credits go to my new book! Like how I am, I flip over from the back side of a book; so, don’t be surprised if I am trying to write the conclusion in the beginning.

It’s been long since someone did something for me.

Apart from Sampada and her family, I really don’t see anyone around. Friend, support system or my family, whichever name you wish to award her- it won’t really matter. She sits way up there. Lately, I happen to meet someone through her elder sister Sareeta- my idol of all times. As they say, the rest is history! I had resisted his company no end; realizing only when on my own that I want him to be very much around me. Every 2 days, I would tie my thoughts down and resist listening to his spoken words. In short, he had come crashing in breaking the walls I had created; opening me up like that’s how I ought to have been. I could see all of that happening and yet, could do nothing about it!

I am going to keep the changes with me for all times to come.

There I said it- precisely why I feel for him. The amount of affection I have received despite my resisting; I am amazed at his patience in dealing with me. I am a handful and I know that! I had been at my negative best with him. Boy, am I affected? For once, I didn’t keep it to myself. Declaring it to the world and around me, I feel better already. I am not expecting many people to understand this one. The ones who matter do already. Most of all, he does too- atleast I see him trying.

Is it still love?

Yes, it still is. Only now, I have my reasons in place. Every day is giving me a clearer picture to look at. It’s the negative people who influence me the most, positive people are the ones I resist. Go figure! So when I realized despite all the arguments or emotional undercurrents or even flooding conversations, I was as peaceful as nothing had happened; it helped me to conclude that there’s nothing negative about it. My mind is highly analytical. I don’t take things at their face value. There has to be a reason attached to everything and a darn good one at that.

I now know what it is.

My being so caring without me realizing was only a reaction to his actions. I was completely unaware of my having started to reciprocate already. But isn’t that how it goes? You end up feeling for someone who is good to you. For now, I have stepped back from being me, trying to assess all the dimensions. I don’t give up unless all’s completely dissected. So while I see it is but natural to feel for someone who cares for you; I also see I had developed an instant liking for him.

Was it my premonition then?

After all that he has done for me; the emotions only grew. It was my intuition indeed. Then again, you are bound to grow fond when someone gives so selflessly!

I’ll try to be selfless too this time around.

~*~*~

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