Being thrown at; around

I have failed to understand, how can people cut off on me? Am I such a retard that I don’t understand that they possibly don’t want me anywhere around them or is it that I have a great knack of picking up from the wrong bunch of people?

I’m not even asking them to return my emotions but why do they cling on to me if they don’t wish to share themselves with me? Do they find it convenient to keep attached given how I am; or do they find it difficult to break away? How can they lay brackets on me accusing me that I may or not react in certain manner and hence the closure? How would they know if they don’t try me?

Why can’t I stop extending myself to people and ask for a commitment first? I have experienced marriages getting divorced; what to talk of just two people? Do these people ever come to know how they hurt people in their whimsical manner of acting towards me?

I have questions, answers to which will never be of any use to me ever. All I know is: believing my instincts that they might be in need of someone, I have reached out to them only to learn that I am not that someone they want. What is worse is I never get to speak up when I am in dire need of help emotionally. Quite mechanically, they have shut me off like I maybe some piece of show only to be dolled up and table topped. I wish I had the strength to cut them off from my life and shut my emotions locked up somewhere!

I don’t want anyone knocking at me anymore- I won’t answer.

I am hurt and crying.

I wish I really get judgmental and throw them away- out of my life where it won’t matter anymore- atleast to me. I’ll definitely try to toe the line they have drawn around me. They have set up the level of expectations; sooner than later, I’ll come up the learning curve…

About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
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