One needs to be very careful while making wishes and so I have learnt- both hard and sweet way. The very reasons underline both the adjectives more boldly than the Arial Black font of the Word Processor. This evening, feeling quite cheesed off with the cabbie, I had blurted out that may I get late again concluding my chores so he gets to reach home even later. He was whining to the fact that I do late nights often. I mean really… so? Well, then an “unscheduled” coffee date had filled up my watch and then on my way back, the connecting road was blocked which would have saved some good amount of time. It was under repair work. Here I am, writing my heart out about it.
Am I ranting again? You bet.
While buying that digicam, little did I know that I would get to click so much in such a short while. I had bought that with a specific intent. I had only a month to click before things were to change. Change, it did. I got almost half a year extended to me; not to mention the places, people and reasons… and practically everything else that falls in between and beyond. Everything seems so connected. But that’s not what I was thinking about here! It is about where I started from. A rushed up trial to build some memories. I had only a few weeks to me and a lot of rigidity- almost negation to fight with, in order to see my wishes getting fulfilled. For once, my wish list really got empty.
Soon my life too would be. Yet again!
The best of the times spent was all re and outdone… very beautifully. However, things are due to change yet another time you see. This time, there won’t be any more deviations. It feels out of place to mention that a certain relationship is due conclusion- it was long overdue anyway. Yet another one; I want him to become a dead history, buried so deep that he never appears even in shadows.
It is the present that I am going to lose.
While a few people I desire to be out of life; I am going to fight my biggest setback just one more time. I am going to lose someone to geographical distance, just like always. I wonder why the natural relationships were over even before I could savor them and the rest; I lose to physical proximity or displacement in this case.
Will I survive this one?
The emotions throbbing in me, threaten to kill me anytime I try to kill those. I have no justifications to offer up. I have tried every possible way to reason out for – how most of them refer to it as “an unusual affair”; like I said, it’s only growing in me, so the reasons really seem to be some lost causes (synonym: excuses) given out in desperate attempt to justify questions popped out of minds (or mouths) of a constricted value. Yes, I am very much into it, just saying the word won’t do any value add; like my not saying won’t take any away. Some very raw emotions have stirred up in me since a year now. It’s both made me and soon going to break me too.
I am waiting for the tides to engulf me.
I’ll try to stay firm while the receding waves wash the sands away from my feet. I would have to either walk back to the dried up, more secure and less wet sand or give in.
I wish to be taken in.