I have been wedded for a decade now. If only the said wedlock had held true even for a week. I haven’t been vocal about it. To gain what in turn? Some rude judgements? Negating opinions? More questions?
My father set up the trend that then became my destiny. Meet the girl who has only been distanced, estranged and abandoned by her relationships.
What I’m mourning upon is not my youth in the number of passing years, or the abuse of emotions; but once again, loss of a petty relationship.
I was getting a rude fill of starting my mornings being beaten up, kicked in the gut and spat over. Such is how I celebrated my first wedding anniversary, my following birthday… and then, every other day.
After a year and a half of taking violence, it happened again. The estranged daughter became an estranged spouse too. My crying in public view of Tis Hazari Courts corridor for over two hours only weakened my resilience. I withdrew the case the day the decree was to be awarded. It took half a decade since to muster up enough courage to readdress the issue.
Some people say I am lucky. Thank you. Really!
I had no time to listen to music, hang-out with friends or even blush. I would look in the eye of anyone seeking a romantic alliance and scream silently- don’t you dare mess with me. I have pushed myself off the edge to stand rooted to the ground both ethically and morally. I called it survival.
The child inside died and the girl lost. What remained was the porcelain faced doll.
Tonite, she speaks. Good evening.
PS: This is what I read at India Habitat Centre, New Delhi, India at Open Mic Caferati- 25th January, 2013. Edit of the previous post.