Things are changing. I am not writing about it- for now for I’m busy playing my part, enacting my role. I see the person in me changing. Vodka still gives me a high… only I don’t need that ecstasy anymore. It’s burnt out. That phase I was zapped into, I’m out of it. I am ready. Any moment Universe is going to throw me off the circle detaching thereafter off the cycle of life and death letting me live on that infinite tangent of bliss. I realize I have a long way to go; as a person and as a soul who I am.
I don’t want relationships. It makes perfect sense now why I don’t have any and why I have never needed one. I don’t harbor grudges, forgiving comes easy. I have let go of every bitter incident erasing the final memory of it.
Alright, that last bit is not true. I love my dad and am unable to come to terms with the fact that I haven’t seen him in a long long time- I yearn to hug him. I am yet to convey of what I think of someone I lnow; just that. I am not expecting any reply, let alone a response. The day I feel strongly about it, I will. Being an optimist, my mind believes that perhaps, he is reading it and understands that this is meant for him. I am thinking he knows it even without reading this.
I have no secrets to tell. It’s not barren either. I am graduating to a different plane that is then digressing into different dimensions. I feel myself becoming who I used to be and also moving further all at the same time.
My laptop needs a new battery and I have a little know how of where to get it from. I am still a step short of becoming self- dependent. The issues exist and more are getting added to the list. So what has changed really? An assurance has crept into my conscience that’s giving me a constant death certainty. Like a seizing trance number, it’s numbed my pain letting me concentrate on achieving my target and beyond.
That’s what I am after. What’s out there beyond this? Beyond me and after you. What comes then? Who stages it?
I’m exploring the possibilities.
I wish to break free off this cage my Karma has fitted me into and dawn the garb of a teacher and to come back after I have lived being this constricted human being.
My battle is on.