She showed up after all… the me me.
Along with, she brought some of the best recollection of life long lost… so it seemed not long ago. In the hiding, I was still me. It was time I get her under the arc lights.
There’s a constant inflow of transitional events. This new sequence of events is making me give in to certain mellowing stillness. I feel high. There’s a long way to go before I sit back to toast success. I’m close though.
I happened to present the client convocation soon after I was moved to the new business following promotion at work. I was loved by the client and organization leadership team alike for my emcee act. I was nominated hands down by the senior management of the new business. Boy! Did I live up to their expectations!
That meltdown struck me exactly when the show was hit. I became a star overnight while a part in me slumped; for certain support was lost the same time. While the cruel alter in me was busy playing the hot headed super bitch that stopped for no one; another me was snapping within. Recollection of last over a decade was lost.
It was well timed. The world around was busy celebrating my success. After all, it was a great deal. We were able to successfully welcome the leading heads of North America Banking!
And then, this was long overdue.
How was I to react to it all? For how long was I to pretend all’s well?
I had to call out the change that hit me earlier this year. I saw the softer alter winning making the cruel alter bow in submission. This time around, the me me was struggling to stand upright while the dominant one waited in silence.
The following evening when I was all closed and contained, the new story reminded me that my present was waiting. I stepped out of my self-imposed recluse this time before it turned into years. I ran fast to unite with my present and myself.
Yes, the show meant life to me and its success reflected my life-stage at present. Thank you for reminding.
An evening later, I tried putting the missing parts together. The realisation was far from pleasant. I’m failing to love back. I’m acting passive. I’m feeling a bit stretched between the urge to lead and then a pull that stops me short.
Have I become defunct?
I look back for recollection; I draw a blank.
At first it freaked me out. Then, it broke me a bit. After moments of going back and forth, I concluded I was able to erase memory of some of the instances to the very last bit… the ones that made me. I sorted the recollection of all instances till now letting the inflicting ones fade away in the backdrop.
I dissociated myself off the afflicting instances at last. The process combed the webs out of my perspective making me lose some of the order; and hence, there are no patterns or practice begging any repeat.
Newer designs are being created.
Was that a meltdown or was it the dissolution of affliction for once?
Amidst the chaos that started after shifting earlier this year, I drafted several coffee table romances in myriad colors. The pages are all flipped over and the books shelved to be read during girls time out. This one story graduated beyond the prologue. This is happening after I decided to savor transitions. I’m letting the flavor simmer in mouth.
Sampada, I’m waiting for your phone call.
This is a fresh line of walk. It’s taken me by surprise. For once, I hadn’t seen this coming or otherwise… maybe?
This is my story. I’m in it too. I carry some share of bitterness from unwarranted experience gathered untimely. I’m trying that that doesn’t affect this in anyway. It’s so long something this beautiful touched me. I know there’s more to come. I’m preparing myself to embrace it all.
I lived some of my best days of my work career so far. I’m set to find my footing in Corporate again. I’m starting as operations team leader for the same line of business with NAB.
Life’s springing again.