I want peace. Like absolute stillness on the snowy mountains. Crystal clear like spring water. Utter silence with no shrivels on the surface… or beneath.

No sound or voice or breath. Not a whiff either. No hint, no whisper or indication.

I have had enough synchronicity. I want harmony. Wait, isn’t that the same? I believe harmony will have more tranquility and richness and youth and fountain bubble…

In life I feel I’ve climbed the highest peak. There are no more plateaus to conquer. All plains have been walked, all rivers have been splashed… all demons conquered. I now want stillness.

Like scorching sun on desert sky… burning and stark. Roaring and falling like waterfall… unlimited, unruly and deafening.

I want solitude.

That monk sitting on that cliff before the giant wave takes him in 2012… that’s where I see myself. Where nothing exists not even in knowledge. With no thoughts, dreams, feelings… just being.

Maybe I’m evolving. Perhaps I’m expanding. I want no attachments, associations or anything around. Like left in space with no hopes or vision. Except in my version it will be serene. Very very scenic and beautiful.

Do I need to die to reach here? I know not. I want to be in that stillness, stark and burning. Like that lifeline beep coming to stopple. The window screen with great background… no processing unless clicked. I want the system to go on freeze mode without malfunctioning.

What is it I’m experiencing?

Is it awakening or an illusion that is keeping me in the loom? Am I learning to jump dimension or being fooled due to ongoing survival phases?

I yearn for no more continuity. I want no life and absolutely nothing that comes attached. An abrupt halt is what I’m seeking with no jolts or spilling or holdups. Like a very serene terrain captured in a spellbinding photo… silent, motionless, magical, and lifeless.

Where am I reaching. Again.

About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My mind and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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