Category Archives: My mind

Putting across the thoughts that envelopes my mind & dominates my being..

Lost and found

I am writing this in the times when “search” is only a click away or a tap actually on a touch device. Yet, at times what’s lost seems to be the only prototype making the loss more profound. Anyone would … Continue reading

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Resumed… recovered; life!

She showed up after all… the me me. Along with, she brought some of the best recollection of life long lost… so it seemed not long ago. In the hiding, I was still me. It was time I get her … Continue reading

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Turning away to look beyond

I am sitting from where I still see someone dropping me home one late evening. The moment and several more preceding that became perfect reminders to who I am. Yearlong period of yearning and wishing had met fulfillment in that one … Continue reading

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Denouement

That tender cord holding me in shape almost snapped today or so I thought. After the initial shock of realization subsided, I figured it had come off quite a while back. I know this pattern. It hits me when I see … Continue reading

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Sole existence

A strange feeling is seizing my mind, a mixed reaction for the days to come. I’ll be alone, left completely on my own. It’s been a while since I tasted solitude. At the farthest scratch it lasted only few hours … Continue reading

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The shift

Sharing the other half of my mind is pending. It’s growing by the day threatening to take over becoming the dominant part of how I feel. The limbo has shifted. They say dark rum with cola takes you to heaven; … Continue reading

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Travelling distances and in time

I am so tired… wrong! I’m still up typing this post sipping a fat blue cup of tea in my bedroom. I’m enjoying the famous Delhi chills in January of this New Year. Cyber space is my world, one another … Continue reading

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Transitioning… from being human alone

Things are changing. I am not writing about it- for now for I’m busy playing my part, enacting my role. I see the person in me changing. Vodka still gives me a high… only I don’t need that ecstasy anymore. … Continue reading

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Walking till the post

Today was my last day at work… last day of my first work- year at Genpact. Hitting the dial keys to log on to the bridge to barge a phone- extension remotely took me back by a decade. I was … Continue reading

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Celebrating mom’s demise…

Time spent with mum suddenly seems distant. Memories associated are growing hazy like some old discarded mirror left unclean reflecting the light with the dust eating at the contours of the reflection. I haven’t quite survived the loss though I pretended … Continue reading

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Deliverance

Abundance was seeping into average and before I knew, it blended with insignificance only to become non- existent. My identity and the amount of contentment waned before I could register the nightmare coming to shape. Self-dependence had zoomed straight into nothingness. It … Continue reading

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Conclusion begins now

I don’t lose things… ever. I find a way to find them back. If I wish for something, it crawls to me almost always. If only that held authentic for people too. My work- off days kinda went really well … Continue reading

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Framed

The beaded string wall hangings were out a month back, Ganshu darling was made to sit back at his place a fortnight later. Today, I took mom’s picture photo frames out too. The frames occupied the wall- space as though … Continue reading

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“Re”

It is only natural to send emails across at work; yet, I owe you for this one again. The other day you had wanted me to send that insignificant team outing presentation across to HR Manager and Process Manager, but … Continue reading

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Ground in thoughts

Am I finally embracing my much-ignored-by-me roots or is it that finally I am learning to go back to the shell I belong? Then again, do I belong to any? The realization set my mind back in the time now … Continue reading

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Close down

Yet another movie I finished watching a moment back. Tears know how to flow alone, so I washed them off my face. Still, a tear or two rolled down my cheek. I was losing myself to depression starting from living … Continue reading

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Suspended- II

Here I am, back to writing some more. I am doused into terrible depression, having gone totally reclusive, not eating or even peeking out. All I want to do is sit still or probably sleep and in an un-ending continuation. … Continue reading

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Suspended

It was barely nine in the morning and I was crying hard. Pressing the white smock up my eyes, I cried as though mourning. I screamed as if I were a retard. The losses are too many to be pointed. Where … Continue reading

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Weathering up

When kids, we are happy, playful and ever- rejoicing. Our only worry: how to add to merry making! Then one day, we grow up. We all do. Our playful self gets locked up in the closet with our toys if … Continue reading

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An unexpected visitor or a divine blessing, was that?

If you wish to know of love for animals, pick up a copy of Ramayana right away. It takes awarding each-one-his-rightful-place to a whole new level. Perhaps, the first of the humanoids were born in Hindu scriptures; though not quite … Continue reading

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Celebrating an anniversary

20th January, 2003 One Monday that was (a decade back), that changed my life. I wish I could add- for good. There were people and celebrations alright; but something still had made me cry. I didn’t have a family, so … Continue reading

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Misplaced Relationships (edit)

I have been wedded for a decade now. If only the said wedlock had held true even for a week. I haven’t been vocal about it. To gain what in turn? Some rude judgements? Negating opinions? More questions? My father … Continue reading

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Misplaced relationships

Today’s my wedding anniversary and I am definitely excited. Just how many long years I’ve waited for this day. I saw this date some six years back, well almost… but the day never arrived. Not then. I have been married … Continue reading

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Prayers; I need those not

The day you are ready to do what I want or do if you already are, the day you understand what I need, the day you feel you wish to know what I do (need), the day you do all … Continue reading

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Say it with a flower

I won’t give flowers, I’ll myself to you. Will you care to hold me forever? It was only after a week that I noticed another bud hidden beneath the mauve bloom. How had I not before? I had held the … Continue reading

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Sleepless beauty

That I am fixing a drink at 3.30 in the morning, could mean one of the following: I may be stressing… Something must be bothering me beyond my ability to handle it… I may be anxious… Perhaps, depression is winning… … Continue reading

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Time stops at The Lake House

What happens when a dainty doctor and a handsome architect falls in love so madly that time gets negated of its existence? Dr. Kate (Sandra bullock) while moving out of the lake house dropped a note for the next tenant … Continue reading

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Numbed feelings emote

I am sm audacious enough to laugh even in the face of death. That’s how I am known amongst the most. Then there are those who realize this with the passage of time and others who often scratch a wounded … Continue reading

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The fl(oo)ewing beetle

5th August, 2012- 11.00pm I was clutching dearly my laptop, when the electricity died after going dim for a few couple of minutes, leaving me wondering, if that was due to another one of those grid failures, since that’s how … Continue reading

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Everything’s due to a change now…

My analysis is yet to reach a conclusion! A fleeting thought; yet, expressed and with a load of conviction, conveyed (in time) to the one it concerns. A few highly insignificant things took to occurrence for me to reach the … Continue reading

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Re-reading through time

This is one of those miracles of my own world. Often I am blessed to achieve what I yearn for… maybe in a little twisted way that amounts to a surprise story, a memory to keep always. This isn’t the … Continue reading

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Transitory

I love taking trips… and that is an understatement. To me, the thrill of starting a travel is far greater than the reaching to a new destination. In other words, I don’t look forward to reaching and making the most … Continue reading

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Feelinglessness

I am numb again. For crying out loud, it’s a chewing gum and I am not chewing. Instead of feeling depressed like I did earlier every time it progressed any further; today, I feel light headed- as though unburdened… relieved … Continue reading

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Back to sketching life!

31st may, 2012…5pm Sitting on the table… er rather a chair, placing my diary on the “table” (now), I’m scribbling fast lest I forget the words I wish to pen down to be typed down in a little while from … Continue reading

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Ice- Block

You may regard it as yet another silly thought passing through my mundane mind. I tried not to think of it at all, after originally wanting to post it here. I am doing that after all! Evening 6.30pm, I was … Continue reading

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Karma… my savior for today!

This instance dates back to when I was in 7th standard. The boys’ gang and I were bunking the Library period. We loved to irritate the teacher. Through the whole half hour of that Friday after the recess period, she … Continue reading

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What about NOW…?

It was in winters last year, December of 2011; when I had popped up the question one more time. I choose to leave it on to the readers’ imagination to take a guess about it. There weren’t any words given … Continue reading

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The Beauty of the Beasts… contd.

Wish Made-It’s about time I might want to say that often, I call upon my destiny by asking for it over and over again. In single breath, I go on chanting night and day, as if meditatively for the “day” to … Continue reading

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Dumbstruck!

6th May, 2012- 6.30pm I am walking the way down to my house. Serenity is playing around as much as loneliness on my state of being. For most of you, “feeling lonely” is a phrase, for me it’s a call that … Continue reading

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Being thrown at; around

I have failed to understand, how can people cut off on me? Am I such a retard that I don’t understand that they possibly don’t want me anywhere around them or is it that I have a great knack of … Continue reading

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Death of a relationship

Firstly, I can’t take rejections, secondly, it stabs my heart to let go of people and then, if I am left to stay dumb… that’s a perfect recipe to whip me into a cryptic psychopath! If I say that this … Continue reading

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It ends here

It’s been a year that I’ve been contemplating committing it. Just who knows I might have taken some step towards achieving the desired outcome already? I am not a coward, that’s all they say; I won’t. But before I fall myself … Continue reading

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Love lost…

… and a piece of my heart too! Don’t ask if we ever loved one another… how does it matter now? It’s the result that matters, efforts don’t count. they only reflect in your concluded concoction. It’s 3.30 past midnight … Continue reading

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Living my life again

It’s been over 2 years floating through a transitional phase! After 33 years, it’s started bringing back to me all that was and lost too. From being a happy go lucky child to over – cautioned teen to a most … Continue reading

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Sketching my life

“Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end. If not always in the way we expect.” I would add: rather a li’l too wildly at that. One of the Luna Lovegood’s quotes from the … Continue reading

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Anti- social tick!

The whole day went by but I couldn’t concentrate enough and so, didn’t sketch any. I spent some “quality” time face-booking today though 🙂 The 1st 3 hours because I failed to upload a video and rest actually trolling around … Continue reading

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Beyond my wits!

It is only right that every end marks the birth of a new beginning! They say all that begins comes to an end so anything that was born will die its own or brought upon it death. It’s also true … Continue reading

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Discovering what Love means

“Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry..” Cold weather, freezing winter winds and one soppy teary Love Story– and what have you? Last few weeks, I have been watching movies, the English movies. Quite surprisingly I have started watching … Continue reading

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In two minds!

6th January, 2012- 9.30pm The thunders are quite literally thundering. All that glass shattering noise is freaking the ghost out of me. I do feel scared; feeling the very same right now. These are the times when my instincts work … Continue reading

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Left out..

Just finished watching “Bol” Wish I could put up the same question as the lead actress, the narrator herself does in the movie, to my dad.. Ironically, he is still alive and I’m no better than dead. Why killing is … Continue reading

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