Tag Archives: Loss

Mourning upon a Birdie’s Death

I am still sat wearing my white T and denim skirt. So..? I had gone out. I haven’t changed to my frock yet; those which I wear at home. I have definitely washed my feet. I do whenever I step … Continue reading

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In Remembrance of My Mom

After completing a Dream and a Poem; I have been wondering what to write in here- in My Biopic Log.. My mom comes as a savior- again. By the time I finish this- it’ll be the next day already- 23rd October, … Continue reading

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Part- I Trying to Change My Destiny again

I am my mom’s shadow, carved out of the same skin. Often, I have faced similar situations that my mom had too, in her times. I would write a detailed one once I am done making changes to this pattern. … Continue reading

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Brewing Inquietude- II

No sooner Shelly had left, the arena had come alive. All 4 of us were sat in the Living Room, when I had once again suggested hiring a maid for atleast sweeping and swabbing; I was curtly quieted. Inturn, Lady P … Continue reading

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Stepping into South Delhi

November 1998 through March 1999 I wasn’t really aware of the fact that I traveled to South Delhi- Malviya Nagar to work everyday. My boss Roopak had been pressing me that I shift to that part of the city soon. … Continue reading

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Bless My Birdie

This monsoon, it had rained real crazy..!! This was after maybe a decade or so. It was one of those heavily pouring mornings that a pigeon had crashed bang on to the verandah glass door and fallen down. The poor … Continue reading

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Part- II “Working Out”

This is in continuation to my earlier post- Part-I “Working Up”. ~*~*~ My Life had as if hit a dead point in June- 2008. I had spent 4 complete months locked up inside a room in a Guest House. It was during … Continue reading

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Part-I “Working Up”

It’s been a month and a few days that I have been riding high on top of my Exercising Bike. It seems that I have lost a few inches 😀 Maybe another fortnight would slip me into my dresses again. … Continue reading

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Look Around- Open Up

Life isn’t all that bad.. All you need to do is, remove the blind- fold. Let the light reach your eyes. It’s all around you. You have chosen to stay blind- folded!! Really, just look around- don’t you see it’s … Continue reading

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Tale of 2 brothers

Disclaimer: Please proceed reading this post at your own risk. The contents of this post maybe distasteful and invoke depression. This post about what happened in 1998; also connects me to my present day. I have restrained my choice of … Continue reading

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Invoking the Goddess’s Divinity in Me

Introduction: Mahishashura Mardini (Annihilation of Mahisasura), a collection of verses and songs broadcast by All India Radio, Calcutta (now Kolkata) at 4 am, in the dawn of Mahalaya. Birendra Krishna Bhadra (1905 – 1991) was an Indian broadcaster, playwright, actor and theatre director from Kolkata, … Continue reading

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Hitting yet another Milestone

My being passionate, strong- willed and determined; was tested time and again. I would have been lost, getting crushed along with the dry leaves years back. It was only due to my being adamant to stay alive; that I have … Continue reading

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Standing at a Cross- Road

A table clock has 12 marks displaying the 12 hours of a day. After crossing 12 at noon, it again strikes 1. Here I am, standing exactly where I had stood 12 years back. Some huge Divine Clock had as … Continue reading

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I want to Break Free

I had turned into a recluse- Blogging has pushed me back to Life. I don’t vent, I communicate. Beyond words, relationships and limitations, i.e., It’s my mind talking out loud in open. Let everyone comment. The good ones make me … Continue reading

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My Saturday Date

It was sweet- I choose to call it a Date.. 😀 Perhaps, no-one gets as many opportunities as I do. To live, forgive and enjoy. I had traced my ex- boss, on FB late night after pressing that post. Really … Continue reading

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Killing myself over- Almost

Disclaimer: Please proceed reading this post at your own risk. The contents of this post maybe distasteful and invoke depression. The choice of words have been well thought of. The image is as on Site. ~*~*~ I had needed some … Continue reading

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Getting Prepared and Stepping Out

To help me out and assist, Ruby had involved everyone- from herself to her boyfriend. Sanjay had prepared my CV at his home Computer. The xerox of my 10th standard certificate was done at his place of work. It was a … Continue reading

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My Life working with Jaypee Hotels

My Life was soon to turn towards a peculiar incident. All that fun was about to end. As if I had known how that was about to change my course of Life; I had freaked out as much as possible. … Continue reading

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My Life, while working in Hotel Siddharth

The time I have spent working with Siddharth Hotel wasn’t all that bad either. I have made some good memories too. ~*~*~ Once I had made 15 sales in a month. Thats when I had taken home a salary of … Continue reading

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Trip to Residency Manor

My Life was rocking. I was able to meet my sales target month after month to earn my 3800/- every month. I had started interacting with some “educated” people around. Although- not cultured enough. Niharika would treat everyone around as … Continue reading

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My First Job, of friends and foes- III

An orphan by identity, staying in a village, working in a five star hotel, trying to kick a loser out of my Life; I had learnt the art of putting up a facade all too well, a little too early. … Continue reading

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My First Job, of friends and foes- II

While I was settling down into my new Life, Blotch was as if getting sucked out of my days- automatically. He would keep telling me that he would soon find out where I worked. And so..? Create nuisance there too- … Continue reading

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My First Job, of friends and foes- I

I had found my Life back. Atleast the realization that I could, had very well set my mind up. Ruby had managed to made me live my Life again. Those few days that I had spent with her, she had spent … Continue reading

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Stepping Out

I had made it firm- in my mind. I knew that that was the only logical conclusion; one that was practical and the only possible one. There wasn’t any other option available anyways..!! Weighing all the pros and cons; I … Continue reading

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Churning of My Life

While writing my earlier post; I noticed an uncanny relevance with a “Pauranic” (referring to Puranas) depiction. I have re-produced some of that for my Readers’ benefit. ~*~*~ Indra, the King of Devatas, while riding on an elephant, came across a … Continue reading

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Relation with my Relatives

I still spent my weekends at masi’s place often. Once it so happened that during my stay, Runa had come over with Pradeep (her husband). She had as if completely ignored my greeting her. She had reacted as if I … Continue reading

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Collecting more nonsense

men, men and more of them.. all of them!! You noticed that right- beginning the 1st word with a small alphabet- that’s all they have earned from me. So far, all of them have proven their genes- each one of … Continue reading

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Walking through the Cemetery

Life’s not been easy for me. Struggle has been beyond “updating CV” and sit for the “interview rounds”… well beyond every conceivable struggle that any girl from a respectable family could undergo. Thanks to my Parents- mom, dad and mama. Don’t … Continue reading

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Parched Courtyard of my Life

I had walked on edge nearly for one whole year taking nonsenses beyond description. Make that since 23rd October, ’95 onwards, till a couple of years back.. Mom had told me, how dad used to make her eat from the … Continue reading

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The Ruins of My Past

One after the other, the festivals had come up.. and gone too. On both the Divali fest, he had been missing. Sitting and boozing with his dad; at his home. I was left alone- all to myself. I had called … Continue reading

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Errors in Trials of My Survival

Previous- Not yet squashed While my survival was becoming tougher day by day; my ability to stick to my resolution too was. I used to stay in my classroom after- hours, till evening. Until the College Hostel gates remained opened. Since Electricity … Continue reading

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Not yet squashed

I couldn’t mourn for my losses. Infact, I had nothing left to myself. Everything that was mine or could have been; were was lost. Like blown away with the wind. I could only sit and hold myself tightly, so I … Continue reading

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Thrown out of my Home

As I was about to leave for my masi’s place that evening; Shipra had asked me not to come back to “her” house again. She had rudely reminded me that the “deadline” to leave her place had expired. Either ways, … Continue reading

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End of Innocence

Edit: I have traced my very close friend Amit Taneja in FB. We studied together in GFPS till 8th. I addressed him as Tanu then. I had kept a little unwell today. Cramps..!! Evening, when the cramps had left, the … Continue reading

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Gotten Rid Of

This post onwards, “mom” would only be mentioned as a part of my memory. I had lost her forever. With her leaving me; I had as if grown up in fortnight. Quite Literally. The power to “judge” was bestowed upon … Continue reading

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Rock

Geological- naturally occurring solid aggregate of minerals and or mineraloids. Music- form of popular music. Rock- star, Rock- Bottom, Rock- hard.. Rocking- chair, Rocking- cradle.. Still not saying anything- is it? Excepting for- it is.. a lot. It completely depends on … Continue reading

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Eclipse

My Life had come to a stand still. I had put up a facade of being composed and unaffected.. unaware. I was more than alert. The next day, a Solar Eclipse had occurred. The major one that happened in decades in Delhi. … Continue reading

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No Moon Night

Disclaimer: Please read the post at your own risk. The contents may evoke depression. Jyotsna means- moonlight. ~*~*~ One night when I was asleep, mom had woken me up to share something. She had “taken” her passbooks >back< from Samanta. … Continue reading

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Those were the best days of my Life

My mom had as if gone dumbstruck by what I had done. I had felt her changing completely. She had never wanted to know where I was when I was gone for the 2nd time. That was so unlikely of … Continue reading

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My 1st Crush was my last Affair

And has crushed my being tad too mercilessly. Why my fate had to be so cruel? Why couldn’t it be a little more gracious to me? Why couldn’t my fate let me R.I.P.? Why does it always nudge me back … Continue reading

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Sleeping Beauty

The one thing I have developed to do more often and heavily now is Sleeping.. So what? Isn’t that supposed to be a part of Daily Routine? Yes and No. Yes, as in obviously; No, because things were very very different … Continue reading

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My Guardian Angel

Soon, things would turn massively ugly. This is what I have been saving my breath for. I just want to type them all without feeling the hurt, yet again. They have been all very damaging both directly and passively, don’t … Continue reading

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Happening of My friend for Life

I was enrolled for tuition classes in 10th. Our teacher was a South Indian Muslim. Sorry, I have erased his name from my mind on purpose. He stayed in Uttranchal- next to my society. Ashish studied in Modern School and … Continue reading

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Being Left Alone

My school- time in LIS is still a blur. Not that I don’t recall the events, but they are best forgotten. Excepting a few incidents and friends- all of which are already mentioned about- I don’t wish to think of … Continue reading

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Change- over..

Of my school, residence, locality, friends.. wait, were there any? When in 6th, our school was to perform in National School for Scouts and Guides on 12th August- only a day after my birthday. In 7th standard; that happened to … Continue reading

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Void Blossoming on Me

8th June, 1988- Wedneday. Evening: Dad had already carried his violin and his few other belongings with him, a few days back. The Green and Yellow double- sided bedsheet, a small knife and his clothes. He had called me and enquired … Continue reading

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Vacuum growing in Me..

Doorbell rang, Dad had been missing for weeks now; Masi and Mesho had appeared instead. I was sent out of the house just then. I had kept standing with Mona at the Park for 4 hours. I could as if understand … Continue reading

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My Happy Days were over

My giggling, chirping days were soon over. They were halted quite abruptly. I had as if grown up suddenly. I could read and understand things. Minutely. I had started to brood. I would often sit and ponder upon mom’s falling … Continue reading

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Childhood Pics- II

Previous- Childhood Pics- I That old lady on the cot is “Dotto Masima”- as mom addressed her. Now you know- how well I have remembered my early childhood days. We had shifted from Lakshmi Nagar to Kalyanvas when I was admitted … Continue reading

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My early childhood memories

Previous- Shaping up my Mind- III You wouldn’t believe that I still do remember my early childhood days spent in Lakshmi Nagar. That was before I started going to school.. What was my age then?? Often sitting at the entrance of … Continue reading

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