My Mind is Awake

29th October, 2010

I am certainly “cranky” long after I am awake. No matter for how long I may have slept or what part of the day it was, I wake up pretty irritable.

Often, I keep tossing and turning like a lazy feline pretending to be asleep. Now, why am I telling you this?

Today was one such day!

Although I had slept for a little over 8 hours at night, I had kept moving around my house balancing my drowsy head over my shoulders. At 1.30 in the noon, I had decided to take a cat- nap.

Tossing, brooding, turning, brooding.. my eyelids seem to get heavy now.. brooding (still..!!)

This was on for next one hour. I had been unable to recall what I had thought of late last night- just before dozing off.

My mind seems to be at high alert before I doze off. Likewise, it keeps moving around when I have just woken up (and not wanting to leave the bed) It “talks” to me when I am half asleep and half awake. Like as if in state of “trans”. I may not be making any conscious efforts to think; yet it keeps flooding me with thoughts unconceivable, during waking hours. This is exactly when I make my poetries.

Ideas keep twinkling like million of stars in a moonless night. Meteors of conclusions, hit my brain, burning some part of it, where I may have stored my un- concluded brooding thoughts; thus, creating space for new thoughts. In a day or two, new ideas then start mushrooming..!!

This is the state I wish to be in forever. I may be “sleepy”- yet, my mind would be awake doing its research and development. Last night, one such thing had hit me hard (in my brains- thanks)

Originally, I had made that observation a few months back.. Yesterday, as if the book lay open in front of me- turning itself- page by page- unraveling the entire volume of story on Me. Comparisons- as they were, had kept unveiling themselves one after the other. I guess, maybe that’s why the saintly ones have their eyes half open. One, they can afford to; their Enlightened souls fill in for their active vision. Two, that’s when their mind is doing their “thinking”, let me guess- they already may have achieved a state of Bliss- a state of super- conscience.

Well, a “drunk” too is low on his reflexes. His faculties keep failing him. Whereas a learned scholar, keeps consumed within the power of knowledge- he manages to keep himself happy at all times- drunk or sober. Like Me.. 😀 He need not be “sleepy” for ideas to occur to him. I so wish to hit the state of that being myself.

Till then, I’ll keep typing as n when these particles (floating all around in the space- waiting to be deciphered) hit my mind-making me realize how handicap I am when awake.. as if without any wisdom!!

Related Post: My Mind is Alive..

About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
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26 Responses to My Mind is Awake

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  4. Jamie Dedes says:

    Writing is such good therapy and what would we do without our computers. So many good friends we’d never meet. Still, Olivia, time away from it is good and is okay. The backlighting on computers effects sleep, you know.

    Feel better. Sending love and blessings.

    • Olivia says:

      You are right- again- I feel Computers and Super- natural powers are all connected. so feel very enigmatic while typing the keys and reading through it!! I am completely on my own and barely go out- situation.. phase.. Infact, the day I started to blog, I had gone into a major depression for over a month. I mean I have lost so much time trying to straighten up my screwed up Life..
      I am so wanting to make up for all the lost time and glory too!!

      I feel so nice reading your words here- Now you know I had read you so well when I had put that comment at your awards page.. I knew I have struck a gold-mine. I had been able to read the “person” behind your Blog’s words.. Okay enough of self- admiration!! I wanted to admire you- pesky Me..!!

      Thanks a very big bunch for all your Blessings.. Love to you too- xox

  5. Chloe says:

    Such rich writing girl 😀 You rock! I actually enjoy feeling kinda cranky in the mornings, as it’s my way of telling the world to go away until I feel more human – so I embrace the crankiness! lols…..I’m really NOT a morning person…oh boy oh boy….and sleep is definately one of my friends! I love everything you have said in this post – and I love the idea of our minds conducted their research and development whilst we are in a semi-slumberous state 😀 I guess that’s what it’s all about this ‘sleep’ business!

    Have a wonderful weekend my friend xXx

    • Olivia says:

      LOLssss Chloe!!

      I had really not expected so many “positive” responses to my feeling-cranky-the-moment-I-am-awake post- much less the supporting ones.. Really, the feeling is so identical- I too do the same- telling the world to go away!! This was as bold as I could be- the earlier ones were little milder singing about my “sleep” business..

      My boss being the eternal enemy- he decided to wake me up every morning and rushing me through things- YAWN!!
      he is not artistic- how would he know that that’s the best period for Great Minds to work- 😀

      Wishing you too a beautiful weekend- xxx

  6. Dakshima says:

    happy to know you.
    keep writing….

  7. Scent of my heart says:

    I’m cranky too when I wake up 🙂 ! It takes 1-2 hours of peace and quiet with my thoughts and my coffee to act human! Feel absolutely understood! Have a good night! Hugs&Kisses

    • Olivia says:

      Same is the situation with Me..!! Hours seems to be even less before I come to myself. I feel so irritating to answer calls or even the door- bell, much less engage in any conversation..
      I am glad someone understands the fact.. 🙂
      Hugs and kisses right back at you.. xox

  8. Artswebshow says:

    Perhaps because when you are wide awake you might be putting too much thought into the process.
    it’s like when i concentrate on my guitar playing.
    it’s so much smoother when i just let go.
    Sleepiness might remove that creative tension.
    Just a thought

    • Olivia says:

      You are actually right.. It seems free flowing when half awake or not- as the case happens to be..
      Some of the best things in nature occur because of them being “un-leashed”

      Loads of wishes and Love.. xox

  9. 2zpoint says:

    Ha! I don’t see how you could be cranky…you’re just too nice!…but if cranky is what you say you are then that is what it must be. A little known fact around my house is that I’m cranky too in the mornings ( my kids would roll at the site of this). But a bear in the woods know just how to growl to keep the tourists from interrupting his meal right? Keep writing your sleepy pseudo-cranky poetry and I’ll keep reading. Have a happy Halloween!

    • Olivia says:

      LOLsss That’s soon after I am awake..
      Reading your words make me believe that we are on the same boat as if.. 🙂 I like what you say about a Bear and his meal.. very right!!

      Happy Halloween to you too-
      Loads of wishes and Love.. xox

  10. Bodhirose says:

    I don’t wake up all perky and happy either! It seems to take me awhile to get accustomed again to being in the “wake” cycle. Sorry you have this trouble, Olivia, but maybe it’s not so troubling if your brain is giving you wonderful ideas and solutions. I’ve had this happen to me too when trying to go to sleep. It’s like my brain is trying to help me find answers to some of my “issues”. I’ve actually gotten up in the middle of the night and written things down that have come to mind–although that is a rare occurrence, thank God! Most nights I can go to sleep pretty quickly.

    One of my spiritual teachers once told my husband and I that he did more “work” asleep than he did while awake–apparently he was in this creative state too.

    • Olivia says:

      Hey Gayle,

      Apologies for replying late. I wanted to reply in detail and so waited till now.. My system still is balancing some of my recent evil deed.. (it seems)
      Yeah, I very much identify with that. I don’t wish to see anyone around or even speak. I shake for over half hour before I start balancing myself- seems my soul isn’t happy entering Me after that huge nightly travel again..
      This happens to me too.. my brain gives resolution just before I am about to go dead (as I refer my sleep to).. It’s recently that I have started sleeping good, I assume that’s after I have started writing! One day that I didn’t check anything on my blog- I could sleep well.. I guess we need to be a little “not” awake to unleash our creative self and hence such a state..

      Hope rest all things are good with you.. 🙂

      • Bodhirose says:

        Hi Olivia, nice to hear from you. That shaking business doesn’t sound like fun. 😦 But sometimes our systems can go into overload mode!

        I think writing can be a release for some of our subconscious issues and thoughts–it can be good for us.

        I hope your computer problems are remedied soon.
        Much love,
        Gayle xoxo

        • Olivia says:

          Wow.. My evening trip to net cafe has finally been successful..

          Writing is like a way to communicate. To be able to do that with you like took away all the anxiety.. I had stayed glued to trouble shoot the system for 6 continuous hours (without any food) and without much luck…. it can’t be happening to Me..

          That I write today also has a very interesting story.. already filed in my Blog- you could search for “writing”.. In short, after being stopped again and again by my uncle, I now Blog.. and boy- I already feel so connected to it as if been at it for years.. maybe I try to make for the lost time too- LOLsss

          So wonderful to “speak” with you.. Love My Dear Gayle- xoxox

          • Bodhirose says:

            I’m glad all that time spent on troubleshooting has found some success, Olivia.

            It seems easier for me to communicate through writing too–I really enjoy it. I’ll look for your blog post.

            Enjoy the rest of your day (or night).

            Gayle xoxo

  11. Jingle says:

    see you at potluck tonight.
    feel free to claim anything in the post.
    have fun!

  12. Jingle says:

    handicap while awake?

    I might share similar feelings, yesterday I napped, feeling tired and refused to comment or visit anyone….it is simply those days you need a break …

    hope you well today.

    • Olivia says:

      On the contrary I feel so consumed and high when communicating via blogging.. both making posts and replying to comments make me go ecstatic..
      Only a working PC would bring Rainbows now.. 🙂

      Take care xox

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