This instance dates back to when I was in 7th standard.
The boys’ gang and I were bunking the Library period. We loved to irritate the teacher. Through the whole half hour of that Friday after the recess period, she would send students to get us to the Library. We would go till the half way and go back saying we changed our minds. Even if someone did go back after all; he would excuse himself out seeking a permission to drink water or to attend a nature’s call wearing a sheepish smile on his face. How we saw of it was as if she too was a party to the whole unruly innocence with great pride. Needless to say, I shared an immense chemistry with the guys of my class. I loved to be the part of the pranks as many times as they were pulled. I still would love to- a company is all I need… well! That’s this post is all about.
That was yet another one of those periods when we had shut the door bunking the half hour. All the guys were jumping up over the back desks mocking a cricket match, while one of my the friends had chosen to sit on the front bench just next to the door. I had walked upto him, placing my palm on his hand, I had asked him about his being so utterly quiet. Even before he could finished saying that he wasn’t really in a state of mind to… bang opened the door and one Mrs. Tara Robertson had walked in. No, we weren’t scolded for bunking. Instead the boys were taken away separately and I was slapped and even not let to offer any explanation. I was holding a guy’s hand, the room was shut and there were other boys also in there too…! For crying out loud, it was a co- education school and I am referring to the times, when “adult” is as far as we could go till, while talking about the sexual stuff.. Sex, porn, advances… the words hadn’t discovered by the Indian culture till then. Computers had only started to happen, there was no internet.
What happened thereafter is a real sob story.
The guys had sworn vengeance on me because they were beaten up and weren’t let to offer up any explanation either. They had assumed I had said something that had brought upon them that beating up and what not. Of course, we weren’t doing any gang- bang job there. The word, meaning and even the act was a subject untouched by all of us. So what could I or they have said when she demanded to know what we were upto with a bunch of guys with a single girl in there. The door was obviously not bolted… neither were our pants down. Wonder if she checked the bulge in their pants too!
A lot of dirty things had sprung up soon as a repercussion.
No one talked to me anymore, friends had stepped back, that teacher called me “names” openly. Oh, did I tell you she was the teacher who had taught me when I was in Kindergarten, I used to be her favorite student. After so much of alienation and being humiliated, I had chosen to leave that school.
The doom had spelled its chant on me.
I could never adjust to the all girls’ school that I was admitted to. I had no real friends, excepting Ruby. 6 months of knowing her and she too had changed her school then. The education system, the psyche of the teachers and the whole semi government students full of school… I was an alien there. From a desert to a hot furnace was I dropped into? My whole life was torn into pieces, chain reaction; we all know about it. Don’t we now?
What I had done years back to him; he just managed to return all of that without having asked for it and manifolds.
My knees have fallen me a few times over. I have thrown up yet few more times. I had sat weeping at Costa Coffee in Malviya Nagar pasting a fake smile as if I felt overwhelmed after I couldn’t hold my tears back. I couldn’t as much as lift the tissues to cover my face. I had broken down crying incessantly… what had happened to create this mess of me is completely redundant to be made a mention about in here. That is precisely what had pissed me off in the first place.
I mean who is he to me now that I make any complaints to or about even?? He is not even worth being discussed about in this post or even otherwise. Infact, he is no more of anybody that I should be taking any shit from more than what I have already. Sadly enough, instincts never change!
Fast forward it to today.
It would be worth telling that I am the same girl who didn’t cry when she lost her mom. She was more occupied with the anxious thoughts of what was to hit then. Her father had abandoned the family much before and her uncle was only yet another “F-B”. She was more involved in getting the cash and a little of gold that was all over the house. She had no time to sit by the corpse to cry some tears out. Heartless, indifferent, pragmatic to the point of being rude and selfish. Not even a year and she was thrown out of the house. It was that money, gold and a huge dose of cruel wisdom that had earned to me the degree of a Textile Designer!
I needed somebody; in flesh and bones. Is it tough to guess that it was him? He had come flying, making me giggle at his jokes in the first five minutes alone. He didn’t bother with any queries or showing being concerned and all of that useless expression; instead, he had only sat there with me… I am thinking, did all of that happen so as to create a “return” for today? I have no logical explanation for this particular one.
Excepting for naming it upon Karmas.
I am indebted for life to him.
P.S. The image featured was a snap shot at HCL- Nehru Place.