I have no idea how this years would be!
My birthdays usually have not been the very best days of the year. For as far as I remember, I have been planning the day on my own. Being surprised has never happened so far; at least not on that day. Whether it’s running all the way from Patpar Ganj to Rohini, or taking a day off from work; I haven’t been able to really freak out on my birthday! Yes, my friends and colleagues have made it special for me but I am yet to fall back in surprise. Usually I sit up all by self, completely alone at my house.
30th July, 2011
After getting one of my wisdom teeth extracted the previous evening, I was trying to take it easy. I was sat watching Spiderman II on TV. Well, as it is with me, memories came flying by stopping at nothing driving me at a very unstable state of mind. It took me to the time when I worked with Convergys. We had gone out for a team outing to DT Mega Mall after our shift. That was when I had watched the movie and I being I, had cried at the last scene. The entire team had sat laughing at me. I mean what was there anyways to cry upon? The bad guy was taken care of by himself, spidey had managed to save MJ and she had come aware of her boyfriend’s identity!
I had felt that pain in me of loving someone and not having him to self. How things are at my end, there is absolutely no room for any baseless Love anyway. Then again, I have a knack of recreating pain in the manner most unthinkable of. The pangs could be felt deep inside your conscience exactly how it was the time it had happened to me while surviving it. What I am saying here is; I have not experienced any fruitful relationship with a man till now. It’s either of the one. The relationships are more out of convenience where not only it becomes highly inconvenient but it also ceases to be one.
I strongly believe in we are what we see. I have always loved watching the serious melodramatic ones where the loved ones never get to get together, the movies those are embedded with deep human psychological emotions. No wonder my relationships are a reflection of the same. That the love was lost somewhere there, is a different thing altogether! Watching the same movie after 7 years made me highly disturbed. It made me think of all the Love lost and bittersweet birthday memories.
I am awaiting this year’s birthday now; although not in anticipation or maybe in.