I am my mom’s shadow, carved out of the same skin.
Often, I have faced similar situations that my mom had too, in her times. I would write a detailed one once I am done making changes to this pattern. I would love to write about it as a History instead of an on-going stance.
For the past few days now, I am concentrating to change My Destiny again..
There’s so much of uncanny resemblance between her stances and mine, that I had almost believed that I have only 10 more years to live (or die..!!) Excepting; that I wish to live for much longer time. I have so many unfinished businesses yet. Don’t misjudge this as my wanting to achieve immortality. Not that I don’t want to- but that’s a different story altogether.
I am wanting to emerge as a Destined Winner.
Mom had died a helpless death – I don’t wish to. Although I had kept believing that I may also be gone by the time I reach the age she was gone; I don’t anymore. This time around, I am wanting to Live. I am consciously trying to control my Thoughts. I no longer want to believe that I would have to go through what she had gone through. In many earlier stances, I had slogged myself to break the pattern. I had as if fore-seen many a things coming to get me. Eerily similar stances..!! I had often told mom that I would have dealt with those differently.. I am glad that I really did when the same things hit me off guard; not once, but pretty many times.
I am trying to change my outlook now-a-days.
I don’t feel anymore that I would be given to handle situations like that my mom’s had been. The two of us are very different in our basic attitude and perception. A fact discovered by the lady herself and then established when each of those stances were dealt with differently. It was she who had pointed out that perhaps, I could control My Destiny!! She had been so different in her approach that I had huge difficulty defending her actions at times. It still may seem to some here that she may have been highly insentive; wherein, had she been so, I won’t have survived. That’s not a figure of speech but quite literally!
On a lighter note, my Mom wrote diaries!
I do have a couple of them sitting in my Book shelf still- having lost the major chunk. I don’t write diaries, I blog! My mom had not let me write when she observed I made my own notes. LOLsss all those words that I had written once are on my Blog already. Don’t be surprised, I remember all stances as they happened- the sequence, content and even the continuity. I am now in the process of giving My Writes a proper shape of a Book (or maybe Books.. 🙂 ) I wish to write all about that had walked over me and about all that I had to walk upon knowingly.
Who in her sane senses would want to and write about all the atrocities she was made to undergo- with explicit details?
My friends are somewhat curious about my wanting to do this. Then again, you are still reading this- aren’t you? Likewise, how come things I have survived could be crap alone? Even if that maybe; I am wanting everybody to smell the stink.
I now wish to achieve all that Mom had wanted me to.
She often day dreamt like crazy. It seemed she was being un- realistic. After she’s gone, those desires have become as if my passion. I guess, she was only trying to show me My Destiny. So far, I have been able to live the way she had wanted me to. Socially, financially or even otherwise!!
It’s time, I now lift myself up from being strung to the obsolete.
Whatever things had hit her are gone with her. Anytime that they have tried to hit me- they have been hit adversely. That’s a sign strong enough that My Destiny is not what I have been pessimistically worrying about. It’s about creating one. It’s all about changing it, to my liking. It’s also about making every one notice while I am at it.
It’s about achieving, attaining and accomplishing. Exactly As I Am.
Here’s the Part- II Claiming My Destiny of the same post.