Part- I Trying to Change My Destiny again

I am my mom’s shadow, carved out of the same skin.

Often, I have faced similar situations that my mom had too, in her times. I would write a detailed one once I am done making changes to this pattern. I would love to write about it as a History instead of an on-going stance.

For the past few days now, I am concentrating to change My Destiny again..

There’s so much of uncanny resemblance between her stances and mine, that I had almost believed that I have only 10 more years to live (or die..!!) Excepting; that I wish to live for much longer time. I have so many unfinished businesses yet. Don’t misjudge this as my wanting to achieve immortality. Not that I don’t want to- but that’s a different story altogether.

I am wanting to emerge as a Destined Winner.

Mom had died a helpless death – I don’t wish to. Although I had kept believing that I may also be gone by the time I reach the age she was gone; I don’t anymore. This time around, I am wanting to Live. I am consciously trying to control my Thoughts. I no longer want to believe that I would have to go through what she had gone through. In many earlier stances, I had slogged myself to break the pattern. I had as if fore-seen many a things coming to get me. Eerily similar stances..!! I had often told mom that I would have dealt with those differently.. I am glad that I really did when the same things hit me off guard; not once, but pretty many times.

I am trying to change my outlook now-a-days.

I don’t feel anymore that I would be given to handle situations like that my mom’s had been. The two of us are very different in our basic attitude and perception. A fact discovered by the lady herself and then established when each of those stances were dealt with differently. It was she who had pointed out that perhaps, I could control My Destiny!! She had been so different in her approach that I had huge difficulty defending her actions at times. It still may seem to some here that she may have been highly insentive; wherein, had she been so, I won’t have survived. That’s not a figure of speech but quite literally!

On a lighter note, my Mom wrote diaries!

I do have a couple of them sitting in my Book shelf still- having lost the major chunk. I don’t write diaries, I blog! My mom had not let me write when she observed I made my own notes. LOLsss all those words that I had written once are on my Blog already. Don’t be surprised, I remember all stances as they happened- the sequence, content and even the continuity. I am now in the process of giving My Writes a proper shape of a Book (or maybe Books.. 🙂 ) I wish to write all about that had walked over me and about all that I had to walk upon knowingly.

Who in her sane senses would want to and write about all the atrocities she was made to undergo- with explicit details?

My friends are somewhat curious about my wanting to do this. Then again, you are still reading this- aren’t you? Likewise, how come things I have survived could be crap alone? Even if that maybe; I am wanting everybody to smell the stink.

I now wish to achieve all that Mom had wanted me to.

She often day dreamt like crazy. It seemed she was being un- realistic. After she’s gone, those desires have become as if my passion. I guess, she was only trying to show me My Destiny. So far, I have been able to live the way she had wanted me to. Socially, financially or even otherwise!!

It’s time, I now lift myself up from being strung to the obsolete.

Whatever things had hit her are gone with her. Anytime that they have tried to hit me- they have been hit adversely. That’s a sign strong enough that My Destiny is not what I have been pessimistically worrying about. It’s about creating one. It’s all about changing it, to my liking. It’s also about making every one notice while I am at it.

It’s about achieving, attaining and accomplishing. Exactly As I Am.

Here’s the Part- II Claiming My Destiny of the same post.

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About Olivia

Corporate worker, textile designer, writer.
This entry was posted in My Biopic Log, My mind and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Part- I Trying to Change My Destiny again

  1. Pingback: I am a New Me | Olivia's Life Instances..

  2. we can always control our destiny – our choices are the ones that define who we are and which path we walk.
    Don’t try to hard to be different from you mum – just be you and embrace change all the way.

    sending loveNlight to you 🙂

  3. Pingback: Part- III It is Destined | Olivia's Life Instances..

  4. trisha says:

    daughters resemble their mothers more than they think they do.

  5. Pingback: I, Me, Myself | Olivia's Life Instances..

  6. rashmi says:

    After reading all your thoughts who won’t love you?I will say you just express all the feelings in words.Wish you all the best in all your plans…

  7. Pingback: Part- II Claiming My Destiny « Olivia's In- Mind Whirls..

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