Previous- Was that an.. Affair?
Getting rid of VP had pronounced itself to be a major task!
One that became messier with each passing day. I certainly wanted no connections with someone who only knew how to cry and complain. Or maybe complain, get fed up of his own self and then cry. Whichever way, I myself was in a situation whereby I had wanted someone to take me out. Not that I could not have done it myself but if I were to hold a relationship, or wanting to be held in one, then that better be with some one who was as strong as I was if not more.
I had never wanted to nurture babies. That I do not like babies for myself is a different story altogether. Yet may be, the two facts are inter- linked too. It would not have hurt me to hold an open affair- then again; I wanted a man for the same and not a baby. It just sucks.
He still keeps trolling on my Social Profiles till I block him. The loser he is, he hunts me down from nowhere under newer names..!! It seems he would never be able to move on or forward- as if I care at all.
By that time, I had desperately looking for options to move out. Hemant had kept his indifferent- out cold attitude up, as if I was a piece of furniture. We just did not communicate ever since he had made me shift out of his parents’ place- my marital home. Not that he did much. Our marriage had spelled doom!
Once I had wanted to know where he worked. Complete 60 minutes had gone by, but he had not given a word out. Just how different was he being from my father? Shirking responsibilities and holding his parents’ ideals up like a torch, he was only being someone I would have loved to hate. He had conveniently forgotten that he had whined no end cribbing about his parents during our courting days. He would often call them hypocrites and overbearing. The very things that had irked me the way he had made me believe were the things he had forced me to abide by. It was when I had refused to take anymore, that his “manliness” had made him open the beast he was.
I had practically gone starving for 3 years, at his home because of his parents’ behavior. None of my friends were allowed to see me. Neither was I allowed to move anywhere. It now makes me feel sick recalling how within 15 days of my entering into that wedlock, his father had threatened me to either leave or love. Leave their place and love their redundant virtues.
Bit by bit, I was deciding to move away. At the same time, I was scared and had felt inhibited too. It had seemed that it was a little too much to pick up my scattered Life again and move forward. Realization of I having made a severe mistake had already hit me. I was finding it way to difficult to prepare a plan of action! The way I am, that also meant that I would then see no piece of that man- ever. No matter what, once I move on, I am gone away like a past. One that his passed, long back and gone away like the lost time. Exactly that, once I am gone- I am gone like the time spent. Memories would remain to be either cherished or to haunt you. I do not believe in another chance- 7 years was as long enough time for me to invest into a relationship. If it did not work in that span, it never would. Infact, it was never meant to be.
I had gone into major depression worrying sick that why at all I had agreed upon settling down with him even after when I had told him that I would never ever agree to, even if he came back. My whole of 20s was gone wasted. I wondered why my thinking did not cover this season. Perhaps, the weather did not show any sign of turbulence.
While VP was busy playing pranks on me, his ex- Tanu’s fictitious cousin seemed to be quite drawn to me.
The first day he had called, I had known that the girl is pretty mindless to have done that. It was she who had yapped her story of she being an adopted one, this cousin had appeared from no where on the block. He seemed to be well mannered. His voice was good. Yes, I had liked to talk to him. After speaking with him for about 15 minutes, I had pretended busy and asked him to call little later. My inner voice had kept telling me to talk to him. He was a married man with two grown up kids. His wife and children did not stay with him and he sounded somewhat different than an upstart.
The whole of evening I had spent pondering which way to lead. I was called up by someone who was a complete stranger and yet had charmed me no end. Was that my change to change my mundane situation yet another time? Will he be able to show some different tangent to then current pattern of Life? Not knowing of anything else, I had decided to talk to him, for as long and as much time as possible.
Hemant had as usual not bothered with where I was or what I did. This pseudo cousin did call me up in the evening. We had then talked the whole of evening and night, till late morning. He talked and I had listened. I was determined to check if that was an opportunity or a fly by. He had almost narrated his whole story in those 11 hours of time frame. He too had “enjoyed” his share of issues. I had only deduced my notes from whatever he spoke. His choice of words, exact events and even the narration; everything was run under my “scanner”.
Glad I had left Baxy a month back. I had all the time of my Life to straighten up the jumbled wires. In that one night’s conversation, I had known of him, his family, his values, his culture and every thing else that is required to about some one. I do not get thrills in exploring bit by bit. I like to know everything clear cut before I take plunge to create waves.
This occurrence had become regularity from the next evening onwards. I had felt secured speaking with him. It did not seem that I was being casual or subjecting myself to any possible harm. He talked of everything under the sun- from Relationships to Indifference. I had only patiently heard whatever he had talked of. My mind had not been judgemental about him. Instead, it seemed that I was really hit hard by an opportunity.
It apparently happened. I had seen that approaching. He had asked me out for lunch.
Okay. Fair enough.
I had politely declined 😦
I had wanted to be sure of my ownself. I just did not want to take any blind leaps. Not that I had before; however, where I was then, I could not afford to take one either. I had been too focused to hear what all he said. His perspective and thoughts were too closely studied by me. I had tried to read him through his words. I drew an image of his where by I colored that sketch with the words he spoke on that subjects. His views painted his eyes, his choice of words colored his mouth. His thoughts and beliefs had shaped up his head, his narration of actions framed his limbs.
With every single word that he had talked over the phone, to me, I had designed him from head to toe. I was pleasantly pleased with the final picture that had appeared.
It seemed that he was my opportunity indeed. An opportunity that was potent enough to shape up my future too. Oops, I had gone too far thinking. I was need to go and see him before anything else. I was anyways sore after what had happened with Himanshu a couple of years back.
22nd May, 2007
I had gone out to see a man 18 years elder to me sat inside an Indigo. He was bald- yikes!! I had never come across any bald worth remembering. Nevermind, I had still wanted to sit inside the car. He sported a moustache too.. ouchie! Anyways who cared- I was not going to kiss him. From whatever I had known of about him, neither was he going to. Okay, age difference, generation gap et al.
“At last we meet..” The words rolled by as if from a long lost love. I had smiled politely. He had wanted to know where I would want to go. He had declared a ruling already. I was to decide for the place to go out to. Hmm.. So he wanted a woman to rule him. Not bad.
My tiger print top (self designed) and my grayish white denim jeans had made me look desirable. A fact disclosed much later. He was sat calmly with absolutely no ogling happening on me. We had gone to “It’s Greek To Me” at SDA market. I had liked the place that was some what semi- formal. It was almost a fine- dining joint. Was I glad to have agreed for a lunch date with him? You bet, a gentleman, with a fine set of manners and taking out to a fine dining- just what else would I need on a date, besides some intelligent talks?
I had only smiled at my keen observation. This man was indeed a charmer. He knew how to woo some one like me. Or is it that he too had wanted some one like me to get along?
That was only a brief and a beautiful trailer of the time that was to soon come. A lovely time that had lasted for a very short while.